hurting today

[shelly7]

After confronting my ex about his cheating he denied it and I told him I have nothing more to say. That was a few days ago. We are not speaking anymore. Today, I found out from a mutual friend that this other relationship has been going on for months. I feel like such a fool. How could I be so stupid? I can't seem to get this whole situation out of my head today. I keep thinking of all of the red flags that should have went up. I'm crying on and off and I'm just sick. Why do I feel so humiliated when I didn't do anything wrong? This mutual friend also said he just has issues and he did the same thing with his last girlfriend and she stayed with him for four years. Our relationship was just shy of a year. Her advice was to stay away especially if he calls in a month, because that's his mo. (The other woman is 10 yrs younger-college age) She said he loves you but he's just not capable of a mature relationship and she said is this the kind of man you want to be married to? I know I can't ever go back to him after this, but why did he have to drag this out and hurt me this way? Why couldn't he just be a man and let me go? Does anyone have any thoughts on Karma?

[cmd]

I think your reactions are very normal. I would certainly feel as though the rug was pulled from underneath me if my wife told me she was having an affair for the past several months. It's pretty obvious he is not ready to have a committed relationship. To think that you brought this on yourself is irrational. He made the mistake.

[InHiding]

Don't feel like a fool. Better this happened now than later, right? So you had faith in a person, don't punish yourself for that. At least you didn't waste anymore time with him (like 4 years!).

 

People make horrible decisions that hurt others, that's just how the world works. He's immature and undeserving of you. I know how you feel though, I had an ex who kept messing with my head. We were together 2 years. The whole 2nd year he was lying to me about another girl, and I finally broke it off with him because of it. He still claimed he never did anything wrong, but about a month after I broke up with him, he started dating that other girl. They're still together today. It killed me and I felt stupid and humiliated, like I should have known. But I learned lessons from that. I know that I need to trust myself more than I did then, and I'm just happy I let him go at that point.

 

You'll get through this. Good luck.

[friscodj]

Does anyone have any thoughts on Karma?

 

Oh yeah...

 

I have dated a lot for probably 16 years or so and I can say surely that Karma manifests itself in relationships all the time. When I think back on the people I've hurt in the past, and my pain, I can say that it all pretty much evens out. It's so weird like that. Freakishly so actually...

 

You what I have to say to you is that at some time, in some place, whether you know it or not, he will get his. Now this is something that I wouldn't necessarily focus on, wait for, or even hope for. Just know privately and quietly that he will get his. That's how I see this working out.

 

The other thing I would like to add is that often times, we think that this other person did this to me because it was me. I am pretty sure he will do this again to some other nice lady down the road too...once you cheat once it's easier to cheat again...and again...and again...

[shelly7]

Thank you guys! I feel a little better. My emotions have just been off the charts the past week. Sometimes I'm up and sometimes I'm really down. I hope this means I'm working through this. I just listened to a sermon someone posted called Let them go that made me feel a little better as well. I am aware that he was wrong for me, and I now know I won't ever go back. My fear is within myself, I'm finding it's not really him I want, I'm just afraid to be alone.

You guys are all amazing, I'm generally a positive person, I can't wait to feel like myself again. Thanks for letting me vent and responding. I know this will pass and I'll be stronger for it and I'll meet someone worthy of my trust. (at least that's what I keep telling myself, in the hope that I'll eventually believe it)

[chigal28]

It's easy to feel really humiliated in situations like this, because you look back and with the benefit of hindsight, you think "I can't believe I didn't see the signs!" Well, you weren't looking for them....because you are a trustworthy person, and in my experience people who are trustworthy expect that others are too. You expected the best from him, and he behaved HORRIBLY. But I do agree with frisco, karma comes back around. Maybe not right away, but it does.

 

In the meantime, it will be really important for you to be good to yourself and heal from this so you are able to trust again. It's so easy to become cynical or afraid once you've been hurt and betrayed. It's one thing to be cautious about who you give your heart to, and watch for red flags in the future, but it's another to be so wary and skittish that you can't truly enjoy being in a relationship.

 

Remember--you did NOTHING wrong. You couldn't be expected to have seen this coming, and I'm so sorry this happened to you. But there ARE good guys out there, and one of them will prove to be deserving of you.

[jue]

hi i know exactly how you feel my ex partner left me after 11yrs for someone else.i found out just the other day that i know her it is his first love .i now see it as he as gone backwards 24yrs..i think he is wondering about what ifs.and if the grass is greener.. its been 9 wks for me..and i still find it hard to move on.i know i wll one day and i cant wait for it to come..this is so hard.i still think about him..but we have to move on or it will just eat us up..and i know easier said than done...

[jue]

i also have to remember i did nothing wrong. ok we had arguments. doesnt everyone.but to up and leave me for her.thats just sad..i have all the usual feelings what ifs. but i believe now he would have gone at some stage.i had to go to town yesterday and cancel our holiday.he only had the nerve to ask if he could have it to take his gf..so i cancelled..i cant wait for the day till i wake and dont think of him..he is not thinking of me.this is time wasted for me and i just need to move on...i know one day i will look back on this and think to myself..i cant believe what i was like...so keep strong..