Pops... (1952-2005)

[CynicalGuitarist]

Well, it's been almost 1 year since my dad passed away. I tried to better myself and such since he died, but it still eats away at me. It makes me feel terrible.. like I have a serious void I can't seem to fill. It's not so easy as for me to just "move on". I can't help but remember my brother totally dehumanizing me and treating me like my dad didn't even care about me. My mother totally babied me, and it just made me feel worse for some reason. I feel totally worthless like I've let him down horribly. He never even heard me say goodbye. I wish I would have been able to be the son he wanted instead of the faux-bohemian weirdo I am. When they dumped his ashes in the ocean, I wanted to jump right in with him. I know this is short, but I thought such a hard-working, selfless man who was everything I wasn't at least deserves a forum post remembering him... I was a bad son, and still am. Now I have to live with that for the rest of my life... perhaps the price I'm paying is for so many of my relatives and even family passing away.

[PRSOV]

Hi there Cynical Guitarist,

 

I am sorry to hear that you lost your father at such an early age in life, I could not begin to imagine what that must feel like for you and your family.

 

The main thing you need to know right now is that these feelings are completely normal even a year on after the passing of your father. You obviously need a lot more time to deal with the emotions you are having right now... and I think that there is clearly unresolved issues with your father that is causing you to have these feelings.

 

Blaming yourself isn't going to help your case. You need to think about the good memories that you have of your dad. He wouldn't want you to be feeling like this, he would want you to move on with your life and be happy, right?

 

I know when I was younger I could do the worst possible things, I could argue with my dad, speak rudely or backchat my mother and we wouldn't speak sometimes for up to a week but they would always forgive me later on for what I had done including the times that I was in the wrong.

 

I guess the point I am trying to make is that my folks would forgive me for anything that I did... minus a few exceptions etc

 

Think about the good things you have in your life at the moment, and focus on those. I think in time these negative feelings about your father will slowly die away and you will only be left with the positive ones.

 

We are always here to support you.

[BellaDonna]

CynicalGuitarist,

 

You have my deepest sympathy for the loss of your father. I'm sure he was a wonderful man and that he is greatly missed. One of my very best friends lost her mother when she was your age, and it has been a tough journey for her too.

 

But as others have said, you cannot blame yourself. I have read you other post and you have very low self-esteem. I am positive your father would not want to you talk this way about yourself- he made half of you, and insulting yourself is essentially insulting him and insulting a very important mark he has left on this earth (YOU). He loved you, and he surely wants you to love yourself.

 

From reading your deep thoughts and eloquent writing, you appear very intelligent to me- perhaps too intelligent for your own good- because you really analyze things, however your analyzations are skewed because they are tainted by the depression you are feeling- so every analyzation falsely leads you to self-blame.

 

 

perhaps the price I'm paying is for so many of my relatives and even family passing away

You need to stop beating yourself up. Death is an inevitable part of life that cannot be controlled. (It's not easy- but it is inevitable- yet it is always tragic) We will all lose people we love and adore, no mater how good or bad we were in our own lives. I know losing your dad feels very unfair, and you are searching for a "reason" why you lost your dad- but that reason is NOT you or because you were a bad son.

 

We cannot control death- but we CAN control our own lives. As a young man, you have many decisions to make. What do you believe in and stand for? Will you love yourself or hate yourself? Will you make a difference and live life to the fullest, or will you hide in a dark place and let life pass you by?

 

It's ok to miss your dad- it's not ok to hate yourself.

 

BellaDonna

[lunatic]

I have to say I was reading both your threads and I felt a great sadness for you loss. You have to know that your father loved you and never question that. Some men are not as emotional as others are. My dad only started saying I love you after his younger brother died. I always thought he hated me. To be totally honest with you I felt the same way in may aspects of my life. The only difference is I made a change in my life by myself.

 

You need to stop thinking about yourself in such a negative way. You need to say to yourself that your NOT worthless and you do have something to add to the world. It is upto you to stop complaining about it and take action! Do it for you, Do it for the memory of your dad. Get yourself to some counseling and try to get things right inside. You will never get a woman with such a negative attitude.

 

Get yourself together man and start making the changes of the things that bother you the most. Take things with a grain of salt. BTW sometimes life can suck and we all have our ups and downs. learn to ride the rollercoaster of live and you can do anything you want!

[coollady1957]

I am very sorry for the loss of your father. My husband passed away when my son was 17 and my daughter 22. They both took it hard, but my son the most, due to he felt cheated that his father was not going to get to see him become the man that he is today. Even today there is still a certain void in my son's heart. But life goes on.

 

I can understand your grief and your pain. I hope the best for you.

[yeawutever]

I'm sorry about your father passing away but realize it wasn't and is not your fault it happened, don't blame yourself for it. Perhaps you feel bad about not being with him when it was his last time he was alive, but how were you to know he was gonna die that die, you didn't know. He's now rsting in rest!!!!!!!!!!