So, does NC ever work?

[andrew05151]

are there any actual success stories with NC? If so, how long did it take of NC before they decided it was time to get back together?

 

I'm getting more and more worried every day that I'm losing her more and more...

 

Also, how many people have gotten back together...and stayed? Is the relationship now permanently damanged? Or, are there success stories where things actually do go back to good?

[VickiRose]

Yeah NC works... Sometimes it can be a few weeks to a few months. Depends on the person & why the relationship broke.

[Cute Band Rat]

I feel ya Andrew. Personally I don't think NC will bring anyone back that doesn't WANT to be brought back. Nothing in the world is going to change that. All you can do is LET THEM GO. No one will be forced to do something they do not wish to do...be it forcefully or any other means. I believe if it's Gods will...they will be in your life. I'm not religious but it just makes sense.

 

Someone posted an incredible sermon in the Healing section. Check it out.

[andrew05151]

I just failed myself...I logged into my myspace and she had a bulletin about new pictures and I clicked into it...saw I was off the top 8...saw a new picture of the new guy kissing her cheek...saw comments from her to him

 

"hey there cute boy, i had fun buying underwear with you, hehe. we'll have to do it again some time "

 

That was my stupid name..."cute boy." I think I'm spazzing out now. God. Why.

 

I'm going to die

[pablovblack]

I always smile when a post like this arises, ones where people want to hear about success storys. They nearly always have little amounts of replys yet the ones about how to get them back have loads..

 

It could mean one or two things.

 

1: The help with NC worked and the people never come back to tell of there success.

 

or

 

2: Using NC rarely works to get our ex's back....

 

I'm thinking the latter, but I always hope for the first...

 

Hugs for everyone.

[andrew05151]

I'm going to start crying now, and I'm in the office. I shouldn't have clicked that myspace...but I guess I had hope that there wouldn't be much to find. That I'd be relieved to see she hasn't said much...but I find he has my old pet name!

 

Oh my god I want to shoot myself just thinking about this!!!

 

It hasn't even been a week, yet!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!

[Cute Band Rat]

Calm down Andrew...this is why we preach strict NO CONTACT!!!! Scroll down this section and find that post by Graiden..listen to that sermon..it is very very powerful. I listened to it 3 times. LET THEM GO!!!!!!!

[jeffreyt]

andrew, trust me do what I did I deleted my myspace I really didn't use it much anyhow basically just to talk to her and some of her friends but trust me you'll drive yourself crazy if you continue to check her myspace out. Stay strong my friend I'm in day 5 of NC and it gets better everyday just remember this and say it everyday

 

"I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life".

[pablovblack]

Andrew please calm down, this girl is not worth a dime, not a single dime.

How anyone on earth can do that is beyond me, she does not care for you and is a spiteful evil person, she is not worth it my friend not at all.. Im so sorry for you, You need to get rid of myspace right now its not healthy. These words are going to be hard but your going to have to chalk this one up as a learning curve buddy.. From over here in England my heart goes out, I'm so sorry man.

Get on NC and get on its fast it is the ONLY solution you need right now...

Do everything you can to show her how much of a man you are by disregarding her, its all about you now man, YOU YOU YOU........

 

Read your own post man....

 

 

[Orlander]

Andrew, i have been doing NC for over 4 months now. I know my ex is not coming back. I dont want her back...not the person she has become. NC is the way you let go of the past and move on to accept your future.

 

Your true love is out there waiting for you to heal your heart. Dont delay.

 

 

Orlander

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

NC did work. The meaning of it is to let yourself to heal yourself and improve yourself, while letting your partner to have space to think whether they make the right decision or not.

 

So it is at best, to move on.

Open your arms and welcome them if they come back; move on live a happy life if they did not come back, at least you still have yourself. Don't resent them for making such decision, instead you should thank them for letting you know that they realised it now that they are not suitable to you. You could move on and find a better person who would cater for your needs.

[andrew05151]

I cant listen to it now Im in the office. No media allowed. I dont understand how she can be so cruel. She has a picture posted too with him kissing her cheek...

 

I feel like everything inside of me has just twisted itself around my ribs and is trying to break them all in half. How the hell can she do this to me. How can she promise me she'd love me forever...only to replace in me in less than a week.

 

And that's what she's done. Using my pet name...having "great nights" and "cant wait to do it again" god that's so me. This is disgusting, I feel I am going to puke, but there's no food in me. Damn damn damn damn damn damn

[Sad_now]

Dear Andrew,

 

I feel for you.

 

Do listen to the sermon. Basically it says that if someone shows you the door, walk away through that door with dignity...and no peeking in through the window immediately after! It will hurt. You have just proven that.

 

I keep telling myself that no man or woman is worth my tears; and those who are, won't make me cry.

 

Besides, a week is NOTHING. How can you get so intimate in a week? We all know how your ex's rebound thing is gonna go. BUT that should not matter to you. Focus on YOU. Let her go. It was her decision. She was a passenger on the train of your life, who has left the carriage. Enjoy the view outside, and soon, a new companion will come on board!

 

HUGS

[jeffreyt]

Does anyone have the link to the sermon?

[andrew05151]

Dear Andrew,

 

I feel for you.

 

Do listen to the sermon. Basically it says that if someone shows you the door, walk away through that door with dignity...and no peeking in through the window immediately after! It will hurt. You have just proven that.

 

I keep telling myself that no man or woman is worth my tears; and those who are, won't make me cry.

 

Besides, a week is NOTHING. How can you get so intimate in a week? We all know how your ex's rebound thing is gonna go. BUT that should not matter to you. Focus on YOU. Let her go. It was her decision. She was a passenger on the train of your life, who has left the carriage. Enjoy the view outside, and soon, a new companion will come on board!

 

HUGS

 

I want that passenger right now

 

I don't like being here alone

[Cute Band Rat]

Andrew when you get the chance listen to that sermon. It makes SO much sense. Basically what it says is if someone rejects you, or does not want you..you ahve to "shake the dust off your feet" and move on. As long as you're involved with the WRONG person, God cannot send in the right person because you're blocking the way....anyway..listen to it. Good stuff.

[Sad_now]

I don't like being here alone

 

And thank GOD for that. No normal, sane person wants to travel the distance of his life alone and isolated.

 

Sweetie, you are hurting and will hurt for some time to come. That's the bad news. But do you really want someone to be with you if they don't want to be there? You don't want that. What you REALLY want is for HER to WANT to be with you. And that's something you can do NOTHING about. That loss of control is what makes us panic and feel sad.

 

I have been recently been told by someone that he doesn't have time for me so won't see me any more. I had 100 solutions to the problem of time and distance. But I realised that IF HE HAD WANTED, he could have come up with ways to spend time together. The fact that he DIDN'T WANT TO, was very painful for me. But I cannot do anything about it. Apart from move on.

 

It's HARD, for crying out loud. We have all got our own ways of coping however silly they may seem. For instance, i just listen to Madonna's Express Yourself. The lyrics...

 

You deserve the best in life

So if the time isnt right then move on

Second best is never enough

Youll do much better baby on your own

 

...just do it for me. Silly, I know, but hey, whatever keeps my mind off him and dwelling in the past. Just focus on making yourself the kind of man she will CRAVE to be with and then see how good you will feel WITH OR WITHOUT HER. They'll ALL want to be in that carriage

 

XX

[rose2summer]

Hey Andrew,

I have been where you are 1 yr ago and am there again now. I did no contact with my ex and it was very successful for me. It was hard, believe me, I wanted to talk to him, I put post-its on my phone to not call him, I unplugged my phone, caller id my calls, and when he realized how much he missed me and how much he wanted me in his life, he called me, my family, professed his love, but I lost my love for him, he even asked me to marry him, that he realized I was the woman for him. The unfortunate thing was that my heart was already gone from the relationship, the NC was for me to heal. Now I am going to need to do NC in the current relationship because I am having problems, and yes I know it will be successful, but it is sooo hard.

What I suggest doing is:

1) Throw away or store away pictures of you 2, anything that reminds you of her

2) If she slept in your bed, get a new comforter, change the set-up of your room around

3) Don't call her, put a post-it on your phone reminding yourself not to. Calling her will only cause you more pain than you need right now. She will never want to really make up or you won't truly get over her unless you do NC.

4) Keep yourself as busy as you can, go out with friends, work out is the most important because it will make you happy and feel good about yourself emotionally and physically.

I have been exactly where you are now, so keep posting here and I will help as much as I can.

5) Definitely keep off myspace. You can set-up your computer to ban your ability to go on there. It will just hurt you and you don't need any more pain. I went as far as pulling the battery out of my laptop so I couldn't go online only at work, so I wouldn't be tempted to email the ex.

 

Let me tell you though, 1 yr later, he still calls, saying he wants to be with me, he loves me, all of these things, but I no longer have any feelings for him. You will feel the same with her. It took me a good week of crying to move on (we had been together for 5 yrs), but after that, I rapidly healed, and hopped into another relationship too soon, whooops, don't rebound with another girl, it will only hurt you more.

[WantToBeLuved]

Here's a quote from JohnnyTable. It explains exactly what no contact is. Not just no talking to them.....

 

As everybody knows, NC is the two letter word on this board. It is the solution to your problems. It helps you move forward, and some think that it helps bring their ex back.

 

First of all, NC is for you. It is not something to do to your ex. Frankly they have their own life now and you are out of it. So remember that.

 

Many people think that in order to do NC, you simply don't contact your ex. No emails. No text. No phone calls. They are right in some way and these are easy rules to understand.

 

However, you should go further. You should go no contact between your brain and your ex. This means:

 

-Stop looking at pictures of them

-Don't read their emails (delete all of them - period)

-Don't think about what they are doing

-Don't wonder if they will come back

-Stop thinking about why the relationship ended

-Stop planning on how you will contact them

-Stop posting on this board about why they have hurt you and that you are confused

 

Granted this is really hard to do. I'm not expecting somebody to be able to do this up front as there are a lot of things to work through. But once you have worked through them, be done with them.

 

Once you get to this point, you realize why your ex isn't calling. They aren't calling for the same reason that you aren't calling - there is no reason to... and this no longer bothers you. Just as you aren't calling random strangers, your ex isn't calling you and you aren't calling your ex.

 

If they do call, it is typically out of weakness. Recognize this.

 

This might sound impossible. It certainly was for me, but I'm getting better at it. A few tips:

 

-Get rid of 100% of anything that reminds you of them. Gifts, pictures, blankets, plants, WHATEVER. If you don't want to throw them away at least get them out of your house. Put them in storage at a friend/family house for awhile. I recommend the trash bin myself. This proves to yourself that you are ready to move on. This is actions rather than words. This is taking control over your situation to make sure that you heal. Be willing to change everything if necessary.

 

Eventually you will start feeling better. Don't hold back either. If for some reason your brand of toothpaste reminds you of them, throw the tube away and buy a different one.

 

-Come up with some new things to think about. Remodelling your house? A new hobby? World peace? Whatever it is. Start thinking about this when you notice yourself thinking about your ex. Just switch over to this new thought and do it quickly. Force yourself to do it. Eventually you will start thinking about other things naturally without having to force it.

 

Now you are thinking about moving on rather than thinking about your ex. You are thinking about yourself. Sure you still have that "breakup feeling" but it is different. Eventually you will be moved on and you will stop thinking about this moving on process. However in the meantime, thinking about yourself and moving on is much better than wasting life thinking about your ex.

 

You might be scared that if you stop thinking about your ex that you will forget them. You will feel guilty for pushing away the good thoughts and for missing them. Don't worry about it. You can think about them fondly someday when you have healed.

 

Also people don't easily forget so don't worry about that. I remember a girl that I kissed in Kindergarten. I remember the girl I had a crush on in 5th grade. I remember somebody that I only went on two dates with. How in the world will one forget somebody that was spent years with? It doesn't make sense.

 

There's another post that I read that I'll try to find about sticking with NC and why you should. I'll try to find that, but good luck... NC really does work.

[andrew05151]

Thanks for all the replies. I am feeling better now, after talking to a bunch of friends on my lunch break. This morning wasn't fun...and what sucks...I will probably feel decent by tonight...but then I'll go to bed...and in the morning...I'll be back to feeling like crap.