Question for those that have used online dating sites

[permasmile]

I recently created a profile and uploaded a picture to two different sites. Since doing so, I messaged about a half dozen girls that I found attractive but only 2 have responded. I also have only received 2 messages from other girls.

 

Just wondering if this is normal. I consider myself a good looking guy, but when a girl doesn't respond, I assume it is because they didn't like what they saw. A little shot to the ego I suppose.

 

Just wondering if anyone has any experience on these sites (lavalife, pof etc).

 

Cheers

[neva_black_n_white]

I did a piece of work on chat sites and stuff like that .. language use.

 

I found that half the time people were more attracted to what a person had to say about themselves rather than the image. What did you say in your "about me" (or something similar) section??

[Daddy Bear]

don't know how long you've been at it, but 2 of 6 is not bad. have you checked out Yahoo Personals? huge membership, good search filtering, not a scam site.

 

ignore any come-ons from Russia or Ghana. these are fakes.

[easyguy]

Well, considering I've only gotten one response back from a plethora of targets over the past couple of years on various 'dating' websites, I'd say that's good in your case...?

 

And it's not so much the picture(s) (which are important) as it is how you describe yourself in words. Be articulate, punctuate; it's a first impression.

[permasmile]

My profile has a bit of humour in it, explains what I am doing in life (entering law school) and briefly touches on what I look for in friends. Any tips on what to include?

[Haven]

There was a sticky a while ago with tips on what to put in your profile & stuff, it was pretty good..

[Luke Skywalker]

That's actually quite normal and you are probably getting average results. I'd be more worried if you got zero responses whatsoever.

 

I've written several threads about it on the dating and shy people's section, because internet dating is often used by shy people to connect together. Basically, I'd share the same types of frustratrions you do, then you are liable to end up obsessing on those one or two who take you on and hope they like you back. Like you, I am only using plentyoffish and lavalife. Although, I was more successful at actually meeting people at lavalife, perhaps, because people have to pay for the messages and the tone is a tad more serious than the free sites.

 

On lavalife, I tend to send out a whole bunch of smileys indiscrimiately and see who smiles back. If I'm attracted to the people who smile back, then I may follow up with a message, if I'm not, then, hey it feels good that if I'm desperate enough I could go out with someone, and if I feel like a total loser, that may pursue to go out with that person for morale.

 

Usually when I write a message, as on plenty of fish, I'll comment on their profile, and say something funny, or I may just send a cold message saying 'do you want to go out with me?', to anyone, pic or no pic, and just let it sink. Some people actually reply that they want to know more about me before deciding if they want to go out with me. I write NOTHING or as little as possible about myself on the profile and sort of come accross as a mystery. I figure, if someone wants to know more about me, they can just ask. So far, the only serious types I've seen on plenty of fish, is the older 30 year old women looking for relationships, and think the rest are attention wh0res or something, but I dont know.

 

Best thing, is have fun, and dont take anything personal. Play around with it. Do things that you cant do in person.

 

Thinking of pics: I figure if you are white and look like some french model, or if you are black, and look like Ice-Cube, or some other star, you are automatically going to be popular on those sites no matter what you put on.

 

Anyway, going back to the score of things:

Women have an advantage to using the internet because, typically men send the first initiations and are expected to, and if you find a woman is attractive on those sites, so do probably 50-100 other guys, and those women are either already flooded with messages, they are on ego-trips, or already have too much that they can handle if they are dating.

 

A female lavalife user, also a member of this board, complained that 400 guys on lavalife asked her out, and she rejected 99% out of them all, and of those she did decide to go out with, they weren't good matches or there was always something wrong.

 

So, on one hand, I think internet dating is stacked for the woman, and as a guy, you are naturally at a disadvantage, so if you get a 10% type of response, you are doing quite well, if your picture was worst, you'd probably get less or possibly zero. I dont buy into this 'pic doesn't count' nonsense, because I've seen different male pics on plentyoffish, and notice the guys who look really sharp, look like music stars or actors, and crappy one line profiles, have a stack of favorites, so I think the pic does matter.

 

Finally, look at the big picture. The real benefit of internet interaction is this - if you are naturally a shy person and are uncomfortable approaching women in public, then it's an excellent venue to practise 'safe' flirting. The worst case scenerio is someone doesn't reply back, meanwhile you are out there and you are practising your flirting skills.

 

For the record, I've had few responses, but basically, they have been the RIGHT ones. If you like those two girls who replied to you - and think there is connection, then go for it. After all, you really expect to date 12 girls at the same time?

[Daddy Bear]

Luke is right; a lot of women on those sites seem to care mainly about your picture. when i was testing the dating waters i got a few messages from women who hadn't even bothered to read my profile.

 

shal-lowwwww!

[TheRedQueen]

Luke is right; a lot of women on those sites seem to care mainly about your picture. when i was testing the dating waters i got a few messages from women who hadn't even bothered to read my profile.

 

shal-lowwwww!

 

 

Can you blame them Adonis?

[Daddy Bear]

i'm no Adonis and believe me, these gals were no Venuses. come to think of it, maybe they were just firing off winks at random.

[jevonj77]

The rate of your return I think was quite acceptable. One thing you have to also know is that some of those profiles have been there for a while and the girl or woman may not have even checked that site out for weeks, months or even years.

 

Also, if you're only on there to get people to check you out but aren't looking for anyone specifically...maybe you should try another kind of website.

 

There are those websites that are specifically for just judging how someone looks...you'll get much more reponses on those kinds.

[Luke Skywalker]

The specific dating sites that the thread initiator mentioned are lavalife and plenty of fish. Lavalife has categories for people who have just joined, or people who have recently been on there for about a week. Plenty of fish shows when people have been on. I'm sure our friend knows exactly who he sent his emails to, and when they have been on. Usually, I try to send smileys to people who have just joined the site if it has a good turn-over, because people who have just joined are less likely to be cynical, be bombarded by emails, and if you are one of the first smileys they get, or first messages, then they may more likely to be receptive.

 

I'm always wary of older profiles because why are they there for so long? Either they are super-picky or chronic serial daters, or who knows because why would they be there for so long. If I had a profile, and meet someone worth spending time with, I'd take the profile off and not leave it on.

 

My marketing strategy advice to our friend here is to look for new profiles that have just joined, and just send something to everyone, whether you like them or not, and see who responds back, and of those who respond back, if you like them, follow up with a message. On plenty of fish, since you have to write a message, it's a bit more complicated and time consuming to write a messge to every new person that comes on, but something I'd have to look into later myself.

[Massari]

this is normal.. I am in this website now for auite some time now 3 years.. and met my current Gf through there. and the rate of my recieving messages vs a the ones I sent was pretty much likre yours.so yeah its normal and I am sure you'll find someone if that is your intention!

 

good luck