My best friend is the other woman

[stitchsescape]

Well this is a long story but here goes. My husband and I have been married for eight and a half years. We have 3 boys. About three weeks ago my best friend shows up at my house to tell me that she has been sleeping with my husband for three years. My husband and I were also highschool sweethearts we have been togther for a long time and have been through alot together. This woman also happens to be his step sister for about the last five years. We spent alot of time with her, her husband and their six children. My oldest child and her oldest son were also best friends.

 

 

A couple of years ago her brother was in a bad motorcycle accident and she got in a really bad fight with her father that she lived beside and wound up moving in with us. I worked at night and so did her husband. So it was durring this time that she was playing house with my husband that she fell in love with him. In March of this year she lost a child to Cystic Fibrosis. I loved this little girl very much and I was so worried about the mother and being there for her to help her throught the pain. In April of this year my husband started a new job and I didn't like it very much and we started having problems. I went to live with my mother and he went to stay with the brother that had the motorcycle accident.

 

 

I think since me and him were having problems she wanted more from him than he was willing to give and they had a fight. This is when she came to tell me. I trusted both of them so much and loved both of them beyond belief. Me and her talked several times a day and spent alot of time together. He swears that he doesn't love her that it was just physical for him. I know she is in love with him she told me so even though I didn't know it was my husband she was talking about at the time. I also know she went to where he works and told him so when they were living with us.

 

 

I have so much emotion tied up in this whole mess between him, her and her children. I love them like they were my neices and nephews by blood. I bought things for them, kept them, went to ballgames and spent hollidays with them. My husband seems real sincere over the fact that he's sorry but I am more upset over the fact that neither one could not do it for me much less stop it for me. It took him pissing her off before she told me. I am trying to move on and fix my marriage but the pain seems unbearable sometimes. Anyone else have a story like this.

[shorty20]

wow. First off, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. You came to the right place! It's very tough to say what you should do in your situation. If I were you I would never want to see this so called "friend" again, but your families seem so intertwined... I would probably have the attitude that maybe they should have thought about that before they started having an affair though. I would remove her from your lives, if you want the marriage to work out. 3 years seems a long time for your husband to be cheating though... I mean, something that happened one night and then he confessed would be worth saving a marriage over... but if he's lied to you and went behind your back for three years, it just makes me think what else can,has, or will he lie about? It seems neither of them have any sort of a conscience. In the end, only you will know what is best for you and your family. Pour your heart out here and work through your emotions. Again, we're all here to listen. I'm sorry you're going through this.

[yeawutever]

It doesn't seem that your husband is remorseful about it, it looks to me that he could have continue for the next couple of years if it wasn't for your best friend that told you. 3 years is a long time, it's not like he got drunk and accidently had a one night stand, this was well thought and premeditated. Does he told you the reason why he cheated?? The only thing that would now save the marriage after all the lying would be if both of you went to couple counseling.

[theantibarbie23]

I think both your husband and best friend are little more than poison in your life. Both of them knew exactly what they were doing and how much it would devastate you. They had three long years to ponder this and yet nethier of them felt enough guilt over you to stop what they were doing.

 

Indeed, I think your former best friend only told you for her own selfish reasons. Neither of them had given a single thought to you or your children in three years. wow. I hate to say it but he sounds like a really heartless SOB and so does she. If he is not worthy of being served with divorce papers I don't know who is.

 

Is this marriage really worth saving? I can't imagine him having REAL remorse all of a sudden now. The only person I see him feeling sorry for is himself. Please look out for yourself.

[yeawutever]

Is this marriage really worth saving? I can't imagine him having REAL remorse all of a sudden now. The only person I see him feeling sorry for is himself. Please look out for yourself.

 

Yea, I don't think he's really regretful over it. He seems to be only sorry that you found out. That shows that he would be capable of doing it again if you were to turn your cheeks to the other side.

[stitchsescape]

I do look out for myself and on that end I have it made. My grandmother owns the house we live in and I could always go home anytime I like. I do not work at the moment but I could if I wanted. We have three children together so I know he would have to pay child support. I have really thought about it from all angles. My question is at this moment if they are still talking how am I going to know. I know I can't believe anything that comes out of his mouth. She lives like five miles away on the same road. She came to my house the other day because I had some video tape of her children that she needed for someone professional who is doing something on her daughter that died. I didn't speak to her I just gave her the tapes and told her to leave. Everyone I have spoken to about this thinks she is looking for a way back into our lives. This is nothing unsual in her marriage they do it all the time to each other. She has even slept with her husband's brother. I know I don't want anything to do with her but it does give me a little satisfaction that she is lonely now.

[stitchsescape]

Yes I do think he is capable of doing it again. So the question remains to myself do I wait for it to happen again or move on now? I know the logical thing is to move on but half of my life has been so wrapped up in him it's hard to tell where he stops and I begin. Or maybe it is just the fact that I am so emotionally dependent on him I don't think I can be alone.

[yeawutever]

She has even slept with her husband's brother.

 

Sorry, but I have to go now, but I'll come back later so this will be short. From that statement you can now tell what type of so call friend you had, she's not worth even talking to anymore. As for repairing your marriage, please don't do for the kids, do it because you wanna work it out on your free will and if you can see for yourself that he's displaying remorse and is serious just as you are about working it out.

[theantibarbie23]

I do look out for myself and on that end I have it made. My grandmother owns the house we live in and I could always go home anytime I like. I do not work at the moment but I could if I wanted. We have three children together so I know he would have to pay child support. I have really thought about it from all angles.

 

I'm sure he has too. That may be why he is acting remorseful right now. It sounds like he would be really hurting if you filed for divorce. You would keep the house, he would owe you alimony and support for three kids. He really isn't too bright is he?

 

I would suggest going to this site:

 

link removed

 

It is a forum that is for betrayed spouses that are ethier going or have gone through the same kind of garbage you are. They'll have a lot of helpful advice for you on how to find out if they are still talking and such. A hidden tape recorder in his car and a keylogger on his computer are a good start though.

 

If you decide to stay work on this marriage he is a lucky man. I want to kick his butt and I don't even know him.

[stitchsescape]

Thanks everyone for all of the supoort anymore thoughts?

[Cadence308]

I am sorry that this happened to you. I'm sure that you must be feeling so betrayed by your husband and a woman that you thought was your best friend. I know that you probably thought that you were doing the best thing by allowing her family to move in with you, but I think that was the BIGGEST mistake that you could have made. You probably see this now.

 

The same thing happened to my grandmother when my mom was growing up. My mom's family was good friends with the neighbors who lived in the apartment accross the hall. The woman, I'll call her Ann, was good friends with my grandma. I think Ann ended up getting a divorce, so she was single and still my grandma's best friend. Then my grandpa had an affair with Ann and left my grandma and their 5 kids to be with her. They are still married. The point is that Ann was a single woman who spent a lot of time with my mom's family and my grandpa had an affair with her. My mom has always taught me that if you have a single friend and a serious boyfriend or husband, don't spend all of your time together or move in together.

 

I suggest you and your husband seek counseling if you both want to stay married and still love each other. This woman is in love with your husband. Hopefully, by now she's moved out of your house. I don't see how it's possible to remain friends with her and stay married to your husband or even why you would want to, at this point. That is the "ultimate" betrayal from a friend. Even though the two of you have been through so much together, she violated your trust and your boundaries, and she's in love with your husband. How could you ever look at her the same again?

[stitchsescape]

No she hasn't lived in our house in over a year. It was only a temporary thing. I don't want anything to do with her or her family.

 

I am trying to work things out with my husband right now. I am really not as worried about her at the moment as I am someone else.

 

I do think on his part it was purely physical. I know she told him she loved him and he told her he never would love her. They both told me the same story on that discussion. I think that he is too afraid of getting caught with her again but, he works 45 mins away and he drives a truck all day so I am worried of him finding someone else.

 

Am I just being paranoid?