Met a girl with similar interests...she's not shy, but I am

[not_invincible]

I hope I'm not reading too much into this but....bear with me please. I'm in a cycling club, and I already know a few people in it. A couple days ago, on our first group ride, there was a new girl and three new guys. The new girl had been talking to the one other girl in the club, who I was already friends with, and my friend (sort of) introduced us by getting a conversation started between us.

 

We started talking about things, how similar our programs were, the courses we had, etc., and throughout the ride she continued to talk to me and rode close beside me. She was very, very chatty with me (she talked about everything from her family to her future). She wasn't like this with anyone else (there were ~7 other guys and the girl there), and she mentioned a number of times how she was a beginner and she didn't have any friends to cycle with. Close to the end of the ride, when the group was splitting up, she decided to ride with me alone all the way to my place, although it was very far out of the way for her. She was still very chatty, but stopped to ask details about me on this leg of the ride. I didn't ask for her number/email, though she stayed to talk some more outside, and then she had to go because it was almost dark.

 

I've always been afraid of showing too much interest in someone the first time I meet them (especially if it's an interesting girl), so in this instance I think I was acting very aloof, but not disinterested, because I kept her talking by asking questions. She said she hoped to see me on the next ride, within a week...but how do I handle things then??? There will be more guys on that ride, and since she is one of two girls...well you know. How do I act interested without scaring her away, and without her shifting her focus to one of the others?? How can I tell if she's just looking for a cycling buddy and nothing more?

[macdomat]

Did she flirt at all?

 

Did she, I dunno, make any kind of physical contact, like playfully hit your arm, or...? Was she acting interested, or was she just looking for a (as you put it) "cycling buddy?"

 

(LOL... you know, she followed you all the way home. You shoulda invited her in for coffee. Or, maybe some "coffee.")

 

Even if she wasn't "interested", though, you still got a shot. Kinda lead the conversation that way a little bit. Flirt with her. Compliment her. See how she responds. If she does respond, ask her out. If not, back down, and be prepared to remain "cycling buddies" for a very long time.

 

You're gonna have to face the possibility that if she isn't interested, yeah, you're probably gonna push her away. It's a risk... but it could pay out?

[heloladies21]

You should've asked for her number at least, maybe even invited her inside depending on what she was saying. Always look for opportunities to close, otherwise lots of girls will get the idea that you're not interested because of lack of action.

 

Hang out with her next time, but def get her number.

[JJRadical]

Cycling is all well and fine but you need to be doing some deadlifts, squats, and bench presses...

[Dating Coach]

I hope I'm not reading too much into this but....bear with me please.

 

We'll find out. Let's see...

 

I'm in a cycling club, and I already know a few people in it. A couple days ago, on our first group ride, there was a new girl and three new guys. The new girl had been talking to the one other girl in the club, who I was already friends with, and my friend (sort of) introduced us by getting a conversation started between us.

 

It's good you are out doing extracuricular activites, it's a fine way to meet girls.

 

We started talking about things, how similar our programs were, the courses we had, etc.

 

Did you flirt? Did you notice something about her and tease her? Did you keep the conversation light hearted and fun? From what you said it sounds like you just "talked".

 

throughout the ride she continued to talk to me and rode close beside me. She was very, very chatty with me (she talked about everything from her family to her future). She wasn't like this with anyone else

 

This means NOTHING. Did she touch you? Kiss you? Tell you that you looked hot? Did she ask you out? Those are signs she likes you. Her chatting with you and not others does not mean she likes you in any way. You very easily could have been the friendly nice guy that she felt comfortable chatting with. In no way from what you said did I get the impression that you were flirting with her, nor that you were at any point close to asking her out. You did however talk to her like a friend, were reserved, and unaggressive as to pursuing this down a relationship or dating path. She so easily could have simply been friendly. Her not doing this to everyone else means nothing.

 

Close to the end of the ride, when the group was splitting up, she decided to ride with me alone all the way to my place, although it was very far out of the way for her. She was still very chatty, but stopped to ask details about me on this leg of the ride.

 

Same as above. Did she ask if you were available? Did she make a pass at you? Sounds like two friendly people talking and passing time away. It doesn't mean she is not interested but don't think this is a sign that she is.

 

I didn't ask for her number/email, though she stayed to talk some more outside, and then she had to go because it was almost dark.

 

Why not? You had every opportunity in the world to derail this conversation off the "To the Friendzone" train by asking her for her number and out for a cup of coffee or something. You had so many opportunities to ask her out on a date and you did nothing but be polite and play the friend role. Unless you do something soon your destination will most certainly be friendville. Make sure this does not happen.

 

I've always been afraid of showing too much interest in someone the first time I meet them (especially if it's an interesting girl)

 

That's something you will need to fix. What is there to be afraid of? Rejection? Rejection is a myth. There is only elimination. If a girl isn't interested then she is eliminated permanently from your list of potential dates. The more this happens then the easier it will become to narrow the list down to "The one". Plus, the sooner you eliminate girls (first meeting, second meeting, etc) the much more time you save. You don't want to be one of those guys who spend months or years crushing on the same girl until you finally pop and ask-only to get a "We're just friends" answer. THAT is what you should be afraid of. If you waste that much of your life chasing a girl who ended up telling you no, just how many other women did you pass up during that time? How much more does the "rejection" hurt when you've been crushing months and months as opposed to 1 or two days? Get on the ball. Your destiny is in your hands alone.

 

She said she hoped to see me on the next ride, within a week...but how do I handle things then??? There will be more guys on that ride, and since she is one of two girls...well you know. How do I act interested without scaring her away, and without her shifting her focus to one of the others??

 

Why would you "scare her" away? I notice that nearly every guy who has little experience in the dating world thinks that he will "scare" a girl by asking her out. I don't get it. You're not going to walk up to her with a knife and ask for her number are you? So what is the harm in simply being flirty, friendly, and saying, "Hey, you're a lot of fun, how about you meet me Thursday for a cup of coffee?" or, "...how about I take you out Thursday for a drink. I know a great place..." Is she going to run and scream in terror? LOL! No. If she isn't interested she will smile and decline, or make up an excuse. At that point you shrug your shoulders and move on. How do you think most guys do this? It's normal.

 

How can I tell if she's just looking for a cycling buddy and nothing more?

 

If she says no to your date invitation. Quit looking for little tiny signs to give you permission to move forward when all of the answers are merely one simple question away.

[Dating Coach]

Compliment her.

 

Do not do this. Your job is not to suck up to her like 800 billion other guys do every week. Keep the conversation as light and fun as you can and tease her a bit. Have fun with it.

[not_invincible]

Alright, I realize now that she was just talking, not flirting with me. Thank you DiggityDogg for bringing me back down to earth... I was just caught off guard because she started talking to me so suddenly, and barely stopped for a breath. I'll try my best and take the conversation up a few notches next time, now that I know her a bit.

 

Plus, another observation: The girl that I already knew in the club, I met her last year. When we met in person, she was very "flirty". She was touching me, teasing, and hung out with me for most of the time, all the while her boyfriend was there.... so this makes me just a bit hesitant for what to look for when a girl's flirting with me.

 

I have to admit that I have flirted with girls in the past (though I usually do it without thinking, and only think to ask for her number after the fact, when she's long gone). Just today at the gym, as I was leaving I had to pass through a group of girls and one of them was looking at me; as I passed by this girl she said right to me "now, aren't you cute" (and she was my age, not my grandmother's). All I did was smile at her and keep walking...ummmmmm, what would have someone else done given they had a split second to think, and was surrounded by the girl's friends??