why do bad things happen to good people?

[Nvee]

Just got out of a serious and long term relationship (6 years) and I feel lost and confused. Problems started arising almost 2 years prior and I guess I was too naive, hopeful or trustworthy to end it sooner.

 

He cheated on me a year prior to our first break up because I didn't understand him (??? We were together for 6 years for goodness sake) and wasn't there for him (I live out town and visit every weekend). So when his apologetic, crying self came back after I caught him going to NYC with mutual friend, I took him back thinking only of giving him and us a second chance (big mistake). After empty promises of strengthening our relationship and moving forward I find out that he's been intimate with a co-worker and has been corresponding raunchy emails back and forth with her. He claims it was all in good harmless fun but when you literally say (excuse the language) "I want to feel your wet * * * * *" to a co-worker that's crossing a line and bound for a lawsuit. This I didn't find out till our final break up.

 

He's a heavy partier and likes to go out to clubs and bars 6 out of the 7 nights in a week. We ocffically broke up because I didn't like him going out as much and didn't understand why he couldn't appreciate a night in once in a while. Mind you, I'm reacting and acting this way because he said in the first place I wasn't there for him and now that I was he turns his back.

 

A day after we break up I find out I was pregnant and found the courage to tell him a week later. Again after empty promises of being a family and providing and his claimed reality checks he found himself not being able to provide and support us the way he said he would and demanded that I get an abortion. He's a coward and basically he freaked out and ditch us. Not only did he demand it but he was seeing someone behind my back and she had no idea that he was expecting a child.

After much contemplation and rationalizing I knew I couldn't do it alone and knew in my heart that I would find myself with resentment, guilt and regret in him and this child. I set up an appointment and told him about it. He seemed not only relieved but supportive; offering to attend, hold my hand and pay for the visit.

Come appointment time, he's a no show and I'm left to do it alone and pay for it alone, endure it alone and still endure it alone. Turns out that he was at home with his new GF and didn't want her to know. He worried more about her feelings instead of mine.

I ask myself what does your relationship have to do with what's going on??

 

So now, a week later...I'm slowly getting by and often find myself thinking if I made the right choice...I know I can't do anything, it is what it is...But why is it so difficult for me to accept. I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster and just got off not quite grasping if what really happened happened?

Can good really come of all of this??

[eyeswideopen]

Here's a bright side that is kinda cold so I apologize if it comes accross that way..

 

You are now free from the burden of having a filandering, cheating, lying, deadbeat guy and do no have to try and explain this to a child who you would be raising by yourself. It's a difficult time as I helped a friend through this same process when I was in high school and it wasn't easy for her. But she got through it with time and healed. However, she made the same mistake twice, only this time she married the guy, got divorced after a child, and with another guy who's also similar. Do yourself a favor and choose a guy who doesn't fit this other guy's profile. Remember, physical attraction is great, but isn't everything. Look at the whole package.

[Nvee]

Definetely. I guess today is the first day of NC...it'll be a struggle but I'm sure worth it in the end.

 

How is your friend doing now?

[eyeswideopen]

She is with another guy who just got out of jail. Has a daughter with him. She's extremely attracted to drama. It's a shame really cause she's a really great person. On the bright side, she's a lawyer, is raising two children, and taking care of things. Being a good friend of hers, I just feel she deserves something better and more stable, although this may be exactly what she needs. I'm still her friend regardless. I'm actually her first son's godfather.

[Nvee]

You're a great friend...I'm sure that after all the talking and sulking I've done about my ex my friends are sick of hearing about it which should tell me something like "get over it!"

It's definetely a struggle especially being with someone all those years.

Today's day one of NC!! wish me luck!

[Nvee]

...wow working in the Pediatrics Department doesn't help at all...I need a switch