Need Help, Is My Boyfriend Gay???

[sunny]

I'm pretty new at this so I don't know where this message is going.

I have a problem. I have this boyfriend (he is 22 and I'm 24) who I am madly in love with. I've liked him for over a year. We didn't start dating officially until Valentines Day. He has even insisted that we live together and I'm moving in with him this month. He has brought me home to meet his family and he has met mine. He talks about the future, droping hints of marraige. Sounds like I have it made huh? Here is my problem. Yesterday I was doing his Laundry (i'm a nice girlfriend) and I found a bunch of gay porno tapes in his drawer. Now I have the wheels in my head turning. Could he be gay??? I don't understand, ever since he knew I liked him I gave him so much space. He is the one that went after me. He didn't have to decide to be together, he could have just told me he wasn't interested. He is a kind hearted man, and he knows I would never hurt him. So if he is gay why would he hurt me. We tell each other I love you. We don't have sex because right at the beginning of our relationship we decided that we wanted to wait till marriage. I'm a virgin. I love him and don't ever want to lose him. I don't want to confront him because maybe this was a phase he went through and thought he was gay at one point in his life and went through a sexual identity conflict, also I don't want him to think i was snooping. Does any one have any advise for me. I'm very very sad

[swtangel980]

i say just ask him about it..simple as that..tell him you were doing laundry found sumething that caused sum concern. That is the only way you will find out the exact truth. He has no reason to lie at that point ask him if he really wants to be with you.

[sphinx999]

Every1 at some time in their life is meant to be unsure about their sexuality , this usually happens in the teen age years but in men it is usually delayed. He is proberly testing his sexuality and is still straight so u needent worry. He chose to enter the relationship, so it seems highly improberlbale that hes gay. You could casually drop it into a conversation some time or accidently watch a documentry abat it togetha, and see where the conversation leads. I may be worng abat all of this so dnt quote me on it , hope it helps tho bye xx

[segagirl]

Hi there, a little stessed you are....and I can see why. As I was reading I was thinking you know....liking to watch gay porn could mean nothing...i mean we all like to watch different things. I don't think tons of straight guys do this...but its not like they would tell me if they did...lol

But then....then you said you do not have sex.

If he is good to you, and you are happy...and the only sign is the video....then just ask him why he has them. The backlash of asking will be way easier the the backlash of having him tell you he is Gay five years down the road.

[Goldie]

Ask him. But don't like come straight out with it over dinner or something 'Honey, are you gay?' How embarrassing would that be.

 

Nah, just make a joke of it. Tell him you found some porn by accident, hope he doesn't mind and see what his reaction is.

 

It might not be anything. He might've had a gay roomate before you moved in!??

 

Or he could be gay!? Either way you have to find out!

 

Good luck chick, G xxx

[secret_agent_man]

Hi all!

I agree with goldie, that's a great way of bringing it up! If it wasn't too obviously "gay" porn, just mention that you found some "porn". That may keep him from getting offended, and it may be easy to talk about! You definitely don't want to back him into a corner, there might be a logical explanation... don't jump to conclusions until you hear it from him, especially if you had no reason to expect this...

 

Good luck, just talk it out with an open mind!

S.A.M.

[netman]

Honestly, finding gay porn is pretty questionable. All men look at porn, but I don't know one straight man who'd stand looking at 2 men go at it for more than 2 seconds.

 

You guys are talking about having a future together so you have to know the truth before you come home one day and find him with the milkman!!!

 

Bad joke, but I suggest that instead of letting your imagination run wild, do what SAM suggested and just confront him about "porn" that you fouind. Maybe there is a good explanation for it. And if he doesn't mention the fact that it's "gay" porn, then you should definitely ask. Again, this could be your future husband so all cards have to be put out on the table.

[itsmeo_o]

well, if he has gay porn tapes, then he's gay, no doubt about it, or perhaps bisexual. anywayz... i think it's possible that a gay guy luvs a girl mentally, but not physically. if u were really good friends b4 u became bf & gf, then it's likely that he luvs u as a friends and a soul mate. and um... has he ever been turned on by u or said that u look hot and he would luv ta c u naked? if he doen't french kiss u then he's probably gay; if he does, he's probably bi.[/u]