I need some help my brain is fried

[omegaknight]

Hey I have been dating my gf for 2 years now and i am planning to pop the question to her. I know that one person should trust the other and i Do, but when we first started going out she lied to me about who her ex was. she told me that he was only a friend. and when i found out she told me it was so i wouldnt be mad. I come to find out that her close friend is her ex's mom. I dont know what to do because everytime she goes out with her friend i think he might be there. And Another thing that bothered me is that she talks to him sometimes and doesnt tell me. HELP ME

[AwdreeHpburn]

omegaknight - welcome.

 

I'm sorry you're upset.

 

I don't know her side of this but everything may be innocent and she really IS looking out for your best interest by not telling you. Maybe she's trying to spare you.

 

Maybe you could ask to meet him and suggest the three (or 4) of you hang out as you'd like to get to know the people she's so close to.....

[mystik]

I dont know what to do because everytime she goes out with her friend i think he might be there. And Another thing that bothered me is that she talks to him sometimes and doesnt tell me. HELP ME

 

Are your suspicions valid at all? Does she often go out with him? Does she often go out with a friend and meet up with him? Do you know for a fact that she has gone to see him and then lied about it to you? Or is this just you being paranoid? Your post didn't supply enough details....so help us out here.

 

Regarding her talking to him... I mean, it's just talking. If she has never cheated on you in two years, why are you so worried? People are successfully friends with their ex's with NO FEELINGS whatsoever all the time!! Do you mean that you want her to tell you that she has talked to him every single time that she does? Isn't that a little too much?

[omegaknight]

Yes I do know for a fact because she slipped up and i got the truth out of her,

[JJRadical]

Either break up with her or let it go...it took you 2 years to figure all this out?...

[mystik]

was it just coffee? was it just a friendly thing? maybe she hid it from you because she knew you would get upset even if it was strictly platonic. If it was really not a big deal what she did with him, then really you don't need to worry about anything. And if after two years you still can't get over it, move on. That isn't even her problem anymore, but yours...

 

Don't go proposing to her if you clearly don't trust her!

[heloladies21]

How can you trust the other person when the situation is filled with deception? If her being in touch with her ex was so innocent, why would she not be upfront about it instead of hiding it behind you back? I for one have never bought the "I kept it from you because it would hurt you too much" excuse. It never made sense to me as you don't lie to someone you truly care about no matter what the consequences so it's always just a cop out to me.

 

In any case there are some unresolved trust issues here, so I would hold off on any popping of the question until you resolve these as your (justified) insecurities would eventually end the relationship one day anyways.

 

Ask her just in casual conversation if she still keeps in touch with her ex. If she flat out denies it, would you really want to be with someone who would so easily lie to you over something so "insignificant" if nothing was really there?