shorty20 Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 It seems like no matter what I do, I can't get past this. I can't move forward with my life until I have closure with this guy. We wern't together for long, but it was one of those intense, dive in with both feet kind of relaitonships where you don't even take the time to breathe... It's been 2 months now and I still can't stop thinking about how he could just stop calling, with no explanation. I don't want to be with him anymore, I know that... I'd just like an explanation I guess... I've tried so many things.. going to the gym, going out with other guys, picking up hobbies, going out with friends and family... but he still always comes to mind. It makes me angry that I can't just erase him and forget he ever existed in my life! It makes me feel stupid that I can't get over it! How pathetic is that? Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 write him a very angry letter, telling him everything you feel, ever emotion you have, etc.... and then..... throw the letter away, or better yet, burn it! Don't send it. Remember.... no answer is your answer. Would it really make you feel better if called you and said, "I met another girl." To paraphrase, "he's just not that into you," what could he possibly tell you that will make a happy little light bulb go over your head and say, "oooooh! So THAT'S why he disappeared without even so much as leaving a post-it note goodbye!" (By the way, you should read that book, and that chapter, "He's just not that into you if he's disappeared on you: sometimes you have to get closure all by yourself.) Nothing. there is nothing he could say that could justify his behavior. he was a dork. he should have given you an answer, but he didn't. so, make up your own answer and give yourself closure. don't waste anymore time on him. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted June 9, 2006 Author Share Posted June 9, 2006 I think I will do that letter thing, thanks for the advice Annie... and to be honest, yes I think it would help... just an answer as to why would help... I always have needed closure so I can move on to the next chapter in my life.. to have someone deny me that is something I've never been exposed to and it sucks... I want to get over it, have tried everythign I could think of to get over it, but he still haunts my thoughts and my dreams... Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 ok, well, for sake of closure, let's just assume he met someone new and he was too chicken poop to call you and tell you that. maybe if you can "find a reason" and put it in your head, maybe it might help you move on? Link to comment
shorty20 Posted June 9, 2006 Author Share Posted June 9, 2006 maybe... i think what bothers me the most was how unexpected it had been... he seemed perfect up until like the week before! My friend out in Cali that knew him had tried to tell me he was just like every other Marine out there... only cared about drinking and getting layed, but I couldn't believe that from his actions or his words... I couldn't take her word for it... I even posted about it here about how I thought she was just jealous because her bf had broken up with her. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 I don't think all marines are only looking to get drunk and laid.... however, he is at a point in his life where he is young, you are 1500 miles away, and maybe he just decided he didn't want a relationship anymore. but was too scared to tell you. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted June 9, 2006 Author Share Posted June 9, 2006 well thanks for the advice annie... I didn't mean to make a generalization like that... i"m sure there are plenty of marines that have great hearts and I will always admire their bravery and their support for our country. I'm going to write that letter like you suggested, and... thanks for the compliment Pablovblack, at least I think thats what you were trying to get at Link to comment
Johnathan Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 shorty I'm going through it right now too. Like realizing that meeting new members of the opposite sex wont do anything to rid your memory of that one person if you were crazy about that person. As for him pulling a disappearing act, it's sad to say it, but it's very common for it to end like this. That's pretty much what happened to me last week. Yes, it sucks and it shows a lack of character on their part but alot of people just cant deal with confrontation. You're not alone! Link to comment
searching1951 Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 I think dumpers do a lot of "fakin' it" in the last few weeks of a relationship. The idea that they don't really want it (for whatever reason...could be another person, could be other issues) creeps into their heads. They put up a "nothing's wrong" facade for a hwil, which just enhances their feelings that they don't want it. Finally, the energy required for the facade is too much and something gives. In a couple month relationship they just bolt and run. My point is that it always a catastrophic melt-down, like "today I am 100% finished with you" and not a graceful "gee, today I love you 1% less." You just don't get to see the process at work until it's too late. By the way, this is why you can eventually get them back. If you go NC and disappear, eventually the good memories are back and the negative pressure is gone. You start to creep into their thoughts. You can really ruin their next relationship this way. And years later you'll see them and they'll smile at you in that Oh-so-special way...just happened to me with my ex-wife of 10 years at my daughter's graduation. She's remarried to a pig. I turned after taking a photo of my daughter getting her diploma and there was my ex almost on my shoulder..she flashed me her old loving smile and there was a tinge of sadness in her eyes. 10 years ago I was lower than a turd in a sewer to her. Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 Shorty, I had a guy do something similar to me last year...it wasn't exactly a "relationship"..but I had invested a LOT of time in him..over six months..and he too stopped talking to me. I went through all the same emotions you have been. I was hurt, angry...I asked him repeatedly whay happened...then I decided I was being FAR too nice to him. I got angry..and sent him a VERY nasty email (yeah I know not the right thing to do) but I felt I at least deserved the truth!! Well....I never really got the truth and after that ordeal I completely let go of ever getting an answer. I stopped contacting him altogether..but in the back of my head it still bothered me. Anyway....I realized after some time of NOT talking to him what happened..but me pushing him for an answer or demanding things to end on MY terms was simply NOT working. Once I simply accepted it...it was easier to let go... After months of him and I NOT talking...we are "speaking" again..of course I ended up apologizing for some of the nasty things I said to him...albeit he deserved it...two wrongs don't make a right. The reason for him shutting down is because I became FAR too demanding in terms of where we both were in our "relationship". He had told me before..but I wasn't really LISTENING. Now I realize what I did to contribute to things. So...what happens remains to be seen. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 well thanks for all the replys guys, it does help to be able to come here and pour my heart out... I feel so stupid for still feeling this way after two months... I was only with him for a little over two months but it felt like alot longer and we did get very close... I keep remembering a conversation we had in his car one night when I was in Cali and how we were talking about things we regretted in our life or mistakes we had made in past relationships... and I can only remember one thing he said and it keeps going over and over in my head... that he was seeing a girl for a few months before he went to Japan... he knew she was falling for him, but he didn't want to take the bagage with him and he just stopped talking to her, stopped taking her calls, and left for Japan and disappeared from her life... now it comes back smacking me in the forehead like "hello, why didn't you see this then???" but anywayz, I will get better with time and I will be able to have another relationship with time... right now I think I just need to focus on me and things I need to do to better myself. Thanks for all the support guys! Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 That sounds like it's his MO (modus operandi!) He just leaves. *POOF!* At least you know it's not you..... (((HUGS))) Link to comment
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