Please help fed up

[Star6]

Hey guys. Bascially, I been with my bf almost a year we live together at the moment. During this time, he was chatting dirty to girls on funky which is a bit like myspace just profiles and he said he wouldn't do it again, but he did and using chatrooms, now before he said he just went to a friendly chat but I know him I'm not that dumb. The second time he kept looking at porn I said I didnt like it, he said he wouldn't do it again, but he did do it again coz his comp is down at the min so we using mine, and he didnt used to delete history before I saw what he was going on, after he said he wouldnt. I got pissed off so thats the 4th time he said he would stop doing it, and now he deletes history but there have been a few times he obviously forgot and I seen searches on google for big breasts etc. Talk about make me feel insecure I told him this. He wouldnt do it again apparently. So thats the 5th time right! He's now signed up to myspace he only has friends on his list yeah but I seen in history before hes lookin at loads of girls profiles you know the type posing half naked like perfect girls Im not exactly slim slim and dont have large boobs talk about make me feel insecure again, I told him i know what hes doing..ok he wont do it again! but you know the browse users page well that stays on the last search that was made and its always on women, I set it to search both at my old postcode, but whenver I come back to it its set to women again he deletes history but obviously doesnt realise that search bar stays at last search whether you close the page or not! I've known hes been doing this for ages he deleting history but for a while Ive been setting it to browse both at this postcode and my old postcode I come back to it after hes been on history gone! search set to women!

Lately there have been 2 nights where I wont talk!! I dont know why I just dont know how to tell him and Im not a very confident person! The first night we were in bed i faced other way he said can i have a hug i said no he said why i said i dont want to, he kept on I wouldnt tell him bascially I had had enough of talking about it its been enough times now. He got pissed off and slept on floor! 2nd night I done it again wouldnt tell him, and he got pissed off, grabbed me turned me over and held me down tight and said tell me like nearly shouting but not. he slept downstairs that night.

 

bascialyl tell me if im being paranoid. is it harsh or not!? Please help am fed up!

[JJRadical]

Why are you trying to change him...his watching porn makes you feel insecure...why is that his problem?...the silent treatment is a powerful weapon...not to be used lightly...but what?...17?...its hard to take you seriously living with your bf at such a young age...but i gave it a shot kid...just know that to get to point "D" in life from point "A" you might want to go through points "B" and "C"...

[annie24]

Honestly, I think you should cut your losses and leave him. Your bf is constantly disrespectful towards you. says he will stop doing something, and then just goes back and does it anyways. this will keep happening.

 

I think you should decide if you want to stay in this kind of a relationship, because if you've already caught him 5 times and haven't done anything about it, don't you think he will keep doing this forever?

 

And he is grabbing you and yelling at you????!?!???? He sounds borderline abusive. Has he ever hit you before?

 

you are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you, you deserve someone who loves and respects you.

 

good luck

[RayKay]

Hey Star,

 

Well, I think there is a difference between if he was looking at pictures, as opposed to him contacting others. Like porn versus potential partners. While he could look at traditional porn, a lot of male friends I have tell me they prefer to look at real women, because well, the ones in porn are often fake to them. It does not mean he does not want you though.

 

I AM however bothered that he chats dirty with other women, and to be honest, if I found my partner doing that, it would be over. To me that's a serious boundary crossed and I consider it infidelity.

 

It sounds like he is hiding it from you as he feels a bit ashamed, and maybe controlled, and does not want to get caught, but he has no intention of changing. Maybe it's an addiction, maybe he is dissatisfied, maybe he is just young and foolish.

 

Now, it obviously bothers you, but I would suggest that instead of trying to change him, and control him, because it is clear he is not ready to do that, it's time you just decide whether you are happy or not in this relationship. Is this a dealbreaker for you? You have talked to him about it numerous times, and I think now it is time to see that you can't force him to do (or not do) something. He has to decide for himself not to do it. So if he isn't doing it, you have to decide whether you can live with that or not.

 

You are both very young, and I think both are probably still figuring out your own selves and what you want and need in a relationship. I think living together at this age is a huge responsibility and pressure, and I think maybe your ideals are not matching up to the reality which is not helping. However I think it is also making things more serious then they need to be at this age, and you maybe will settle for less than you deserve because you now feel so dependent on him and this relationship. Which is not healthy.

 

Only you know what is tolerable or not for you, but I will say if something is not tolerable, then you should not stick around hoping it will change, when history has shown you it won't. It will only make you feel worse and worse over time.

[Star6]

He can't be dissatisfied, I give him sex whenever he wants it. At times I'm dissatisfied coz he'll just have a wank and then thats it, Im not satisfied. He's done this a few times to me. And every single morning doesn't stop to think about whether I might want it just goes straight downstairs and has a wank over other girls on myspace the ones posing half naked, I think to myself, well you might aswell just have sex with her!! I think thats downright disrespectful to be honest, I'm sure he wouldnt like it if I got myself off over the blokes on there!!

 

I'm mature for my age thank you. He's 21. Everything in our relationship is fine apart from that, he treats me VERY well. Has never laid a finger on me. I'm not trying to change him, all I said to him was I didn't like it he said he wouldn't do it again, he said it! I didn't force him to. He does hide it coz he knows I don't like it, but I thought if you love someone and want to be with them didn't wanna hurt them you simply wouldn't do it, if he's willing to risk the relationship over some girls on myspace, its silly.

 

I dont want to finish with him coz I love him but I wanted advice on how to tell him and this time I'll tell him its the last time, coz I can't handle it, if he wants to carry on thats fine I'll go I really can't help how I feel! So please how can I tell him I know about it what can I say?

[Star6]

He's done it again this morning and yday morning, anyone else not see this as disrespectful and lying. If your with someone why feel the need to lust over some other womans body. Its harsh, makes me feel insecure, I feel rock bottom low about myself.

 

Plz any input of what I can say?