Should I expect more of a commitment?

[angedeaile]

(*&(*&IO&^%$^%$

error

[melrich]

If I were in that position I would ask him some "what if?" questions.

 

I'd have a talk with him about the implications of the move,

 

"What if I leave my job, pack up everything here and move with you and things don't work out between us?"

"What if I make this move, get a job in the new city and you decide to move away again?"

etc.

 

You need to make him understand the implications and gravitas of this decision for you because at the moment he is not seeing it. You need to make him think about not the next 6 months but the next 10 years.

[nicorette]

From other advice boards and people I have spoken to, I have been told that he knows of my intentions and if he doesn’t feel that marriage is important enough to keep that in mind when taking such a step, then going with him and waiting around for a proposal would be foolish.

 

i agree with this. if i were in your shoes, id remind him again. have you guys talked about marriage recently. you said that after a year of dating you brought it up, but has it been brought up lately? i think that you should at least suggest the idea. if he is hesitant perhaps you should give him some time to think about it. i can understand why youd need reassurance, however maybe hes not ready. if he explains hes not ready, but in the near future he will be then id say go for it. however, if he doesnt even think and just writes it off i think it would be a waste of your time, and even prolong the heartache even more if you dont break up with him. i think you should talk to him about it and see how that goes.

[Hardrock]

From a guy's perspective, and not knowing many details, I would be hesitant to marry at this point in life. School, work, moving, money, etc. All of these are not more important than your desires to him, but I would be looking at all of these things and rationalizing that right now is not the time to start a family.

 

To me, if you pressure him into marrying right now, it could make you happy short term, but long term he may regret that you didn't wait until you were more financially stable and both of you matured.

 

Plus, no guy wants to be pressured to marry, he wants it to be a special occasion. A lot of times when the girl pressures a guy to marry, it is an emotional intercession for self growth that will be set back a few years. Instead of dealing with the real issues you are going through, you are escaping by planning the wedding and the next few years of your married life.

 

Not to sound harsh or like your dad, but please think about this before you take the plunge at the wrong time. Even if he is the right guy, timing is crucial.

 

The quandary for me in all of this, is that possibly you two are already living like 2 married people now, and there is just no commitment to marry involved yet. You need to have a sincere talk with him about your future, where you want to be in 5 years, when do you envision having children, etc. Then you can better decide what you want to do.

 

Good luck!