Hardrock

Unless it is over $20 bucks a month, you are focusing on something petty. Pick your battles, grasshopper. If you still want to argue it, be logical in your argument, you need to do a better convincing job than the financial advisor.

I'm a dude, so I can only hypothesize from my experience. I think skinny women share the same insecurities, but just not to the degree. They get validated constantly by society. Sure, you may have a little pooch on your belly, or a little here and there, but they can hide 99% of it with clothes. Big girls can't do that. Tall skinny girls worry about their feet being too large, or skinny girls in general if their boobs are too small. Large girls worry about simple valitdation of their beauty overall. They have much more to worry about than these small issues. Personally, when I have dated a larger or average sized girl, you don't have to put up with the entitlement issues. Sure, there are different strokes for different folks, so to speak, but I feel that with larger/average sized girls, they put more focus on the important things, not the vanity.

Sex is sex. It's all in the mind. To excuse my stereotyping, I think more a percentage of heavier women do more to make men emotionally connected and boost our egos in the beginning. They can sometimes be much more sensual and emotionally connected. Of course, this is somewhat of a ruse, and it will wear off eventually. I think heavier women relate their self esteem on their physical appearance moreso, and need that manly approval. They are usually not divas, and are more generous in bed, willing to go farther to make a man happy, as they relate the man's happiness to their self worth. Of course, if you decide to seriously date this girl, you will no doubt run into her esteem problems in some form or fashion down the line. This could apply to any girl, but I think heavier women have a higher percentage. More skinny women connect with society's image, and thus have less of a need to gain men's approval sensually and emotionally on a personal basis, as they feel they get it all the time. From being stared at by men in their car, to at the mall or grocery store. They feel they are entitled to be worshipped on a different level than some girl who does not have these feelings of approval. Wow, that's just too deep this morning.

OK, Kevin. I am older than you, early 30's. I have always been tall and rail thin, so to speak. When I was 18, I was 6' 4" 150lbs. Now I am 190lbs. Still skinny, but I feel good. Let me tell you as being in your shoes longer than you have. Some women will not be attracted to you, period. They want a large, dominant guy that could beat them to death. More power to them. There's nothing you can do about it. Maybe they have issues witht their father, or who knows. As you get older, and all those cool guys in high school get older too, their proportionate bods you refer to, start getting fat. All the girls that married those guys now have balding, pot bellied, ex-hunks. Us, well, we have finally grown into ourselves in our mid- late 20's and look like we are 10 years younger than we really are. We are fit, lean, and the ladies in those ages really like that. It's all a part of life, so just make the best of it. Continue to work out, but don't pack on too much fat as you get older. You will be running circles around these guys in a few years.

I think it could subconsciously. Guys just don't judge appearance like you ladies do. It either looks good or it doesn't. We don't get into the details of why and how that often. I think it is somewhat important for others to find you attractive, in the sense that you are attractive. If you are fat, lazy, and wear crappy clothes, I see someone who doesn't care about themself and that is the unattractiveness. Not the screwability of the person, so to speak. If one of my friends thought you were "hot", then that is pretty much a given for 9/10 males when polled arbitrarily.

Hi girl_2, I can somewhat relate to your predicament. I'm a guy, in his 30s, and been married 12 years. These doubts you have and the waffling back and forth feel normal for me. Would I be happier on my own, or with someone else? Maybe short term, but long term? Then you've wasted another 10 years seeking that elusive happiness. I think I just miss the "in-love butterflies" that you really don't get after a few years of history together. But, I don't want to bounce from relationship to relationship, too much drama. My relationship has evolved to a point that it's just different. In some ways it's good, and some bad, but the bad doesn't outweigh the good. I think we all have to reach some level of contentment with our SO, and at the same time strive to be a better partner. I would welcome these conversations from my wife, if she would open up. Everyone wonders if their Ex's was this or that and how they are. But, they are our ex's for a reason. I bet you would be in the same place in your life, but with just a different set of circumstances and issues to resolve with a different person. I think your BF needs a kick in the pants, and probably you do too. Get your relationship jumpstarted in the right direction. Talk to him about these secret feelings and see what happens. If you're considering leaving, what do you have to lose. TKS

From a guy's perspective, and not knowing many details, I would be hesitant to marry at this point in life. School, work, moving, money, etc. All of these are not more important than your desires to him, but I would be looking at all of these things and rationalizing that right now is not the time to start a family. To me, if you pressure him into marrying right now, it could make you happy short term, but long term he may regret that you didn't wait until you were more financially stable and both of you matured. Plus, no guy wants to be pressured to marry, he wants it to be a special occasion. A lot of times when the girl pressures a guy to marry, it is an emotional intercession for self growth that will be set back a few years. Instead of dealing with the real issues you are going through, you are escaping by planning the wedding and the next few years of your married life. Not to sound harsh or like your dad, but please think about this before you take the plunge at the wrong time. Even if he is the right guy, timing is crucial. The quandary for me in all of this, is that possibly you two are already living like 2 married people now, and there is just no commitment to marry involved yet. You need to have a sincere talk with him about your future, where you want to be in 5 years, when do you envision having children, etc. Then you can better decide what you want to do. Good luck!

People are just soo selfish nowadays. They only think of themselves, what They can get, and what They want. That is 99% of the reason divorces rates are so high. People today have forgotten what it means to have nothing, and turn yourself into something. We expect to have everything handed to us without any work. Those are just some the things I see has changed for the worse over time. Of course there are a lot more people in the world, so that means : more problems, more selfishness, etc.

Good for you Cranston. I was following this post for a while, and just felt compelled to chime in and give you a little support. Although, I would have hauled her to marriage counseling first, and raked her selfishness over the coals a bit before I decided to divorce, but that's me. I'm glad to see you didn't fall into the trap here of always blaming the man when this subjuct invariably comes up. I think most of us guys have been in your shoes to some degree, and have gone through similar thoughts and actions. If I could offer any advice, is that you should stick to your guns on what is acceptable and not acceptable to you. You will be bombarded with your every fault in life and made to feel as if you were the root of her problems, when in actuality you were faced an insurmountable obstacle that no man could succedd. Also, try to keep positive and take care of your kids, depending on how selfish and immature she is, she will try to poison them. It's best to just let her say what she wants, and let your actions speak for themselves. The kids will not buy into her prattle when they see what a guy dad really is for themselves. Take care.