Is settling ever good?

[hennypenny3288]

Question for all you people out there. Would you ever just settle with dating/hanging out with a guy knowing that he did not want a relationship with you? The guy is NOT mistreating you or anything like that. Things are going great with that person, you spend time with that person every few days, he is kind to you, there is a friendship, there is affection, sometimes even intimacy. Only problem is he isnt ready for a relationship. You are but are going through a relationship drought right now and he is there and the both of you click on a friendly/partner-type level.

[teacup]

no. i wouldn't. im not going to risk my feelings and heart for somebody who is being wishy-washy on me.

 

know this: if a guy says he doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't want what he has.

 

then it is time to tell him "goodbye, you are the weakest link"

 

plus i can get a guy who does want me, who does adore me. why would i settle for anything less?

[AwdreeHpburn]

well....is it EVER good? Good seems somewhat subjective.

 

I'm not sure what exactly you're looking for but seems to me like yes, it's ok to hang out with this guy, as long as you have no expectations and don't get too vested.

 

But always keep your eyes open for other possibilities...

[itsallgrand]

Well...

 

It's tempting bc it is convenient. Since the guy doesn't want a relationship - he won't require you to be full-on.

 

The possible problem: If strong feelings develop on your part. If you start to want to give full-on, and he doesn't want it, and the possibility of getting hurt there.

 

I believe that there is a price for everything. It's always a trade-off. So, though in the past I at times 'settled' bc I thought it was easier, I now look at it as no easier at all! It has its own price, and I'm not willing to pay it.

 

The price is: your time you could be on the look-out for a guy who is looking for a relationship, someone for the 'big deal'.

 

So it's up to you and what you want.

[hennypenny3288]

Can you settle and still be looking? I dont mind this at all, it gives me what I need for the time being. I have developed some attachment to him unfortuanetly but I dont have a lot of expectations from him. Just hanging out a few times a week is good enough.

 

Basically, I am content with hanging out with the guy a few times a week (provided that doesnt change) and some affection, which is ok.

 

Am I shortchanging myself? I want to keep this ongoing for a LONG time? How do I go about keeping it like this? Need some pointers.

[patch2006uk]

if you're completely, 100% ok with the fact that the relationship isn't going anywhere, then there's no real problem. it can get very messy if one person develops feelings for the other and they aren't returned. you can end up hurting alot and wondering why you have been treated badly by someone who once showed you affection.

 

you can settle and still be looking in theory, however looking for a partner may slip down your priorities list as you become more comfortable and stuck in a routine with someone who only has feelings for you as a friend.

 

it's really up to you. you stand to lose alot in this arrangement - his friendship included. it's very difficult not to become attached to someone you are intimate with - you're brain begins to connect the person with the pleasurable feelings they induce, and you end up thinking, even believing that they love you and want to be with you, when really you have been more of a 'free ride' so to speak.

 

from experience, its not a good way to go. my ex and i started out like this, very much as 'friends with benefits', and then we were sort of in that grey area between dating and not for about a year, before finally realising that we had sacrificed our friendship for a relationship that wasn't good for either of us. i lost a good friend for no good reason, and that is not a nice thing to have to live with.

 

my advice; keep your friends as friends, unless you know you both want to, and are ready, to take things further.

[barwench]

If you hav no expectations of him and know understand where you stand in his life then there is nothing wrong with enjoying each others company....just don't be changing the rules after they have been set...thats when things get messy! Sometimes these are the best relationships to be in...no pressure...no expectations....just to be yourselves...Enjoy it for what it is but never overlook what it is you truly want!!

[butterbee]

I met this amazing man at work that approached me and his pick up line was come away with me...so 2 months after our first date we went overseas for a month. Our first date was magical and by the second he told me I was his soulmate. The month away was bliss,without physical intimacy. He said he had never been happier. When we met he told me that he was not looking for a relationship but, after meeting me everything changed and he was in a dilema about what to do. After our time away he still said the same thing...that he wasn't sure if he wanted a relationship. I'm in love and he knows it. He does'nt want a romantic relationship but he doesn't want me out of his life either...I'm having trouble just being friends. Should I walk away?

[LovinIt]

Henny....I hate those situations, because rarely do they work out how anyone wants it. There are exceptions, but I think you should spare yourself now before you get to into it. Nothing hurts more than thinking things are going SO well, and your going to change his mind to realize months down the line that things still havent changed. I think you should find someone who is more readily available to give you what you want, and that sounds like a true committment. Good luck! And, Im not really one to talk....haha

[JustNormal]

People settle for left-overs all the time. Would I put myself on a block courting somebody who doesn't love me- hell no. Life is too short to jerk around. Dating leads to marriage and that only happens once unless one of you dies(In my faith). Even if I were to marry 5 times, I wouldn't waste my time on a non-reciprocal relationship.

 

But things may change. He might grow to like you. But that ain't the case now, so as of now, no I wouldn't.