Weekends are rough

[thegoodgirl04]

Hey everyone, I hope everyone is having a good weekend!

I am trying I had a lot planned, went to an art show on fri, went to a house warming, then went out on the town on sat night, went running today then going for a bike ride, then to a greek festival today. So why am I still tourtring myself thinking about my ex, why won't it stop? I have horrible flashes of him and his ex together (I don't even know if they are, he told me they slept together two weeks after we broke up just to spite me and get over me) it's like a knife in the heart! I do have to say I don't feel as bad as I did every day gets better. I just worry that I am so jaded now I won't be able to let anyone into my heart again, it's like a big empty hole right in the middle of my chest that doesn't feel anything or let anyone in! Ahhhhhhh! So frustrating!

[ShaKe__]

Don't worry,you're strong.Your ex is a jerk and I believe he hasn't got over you since he tells you stuff about him and his ex sleeping together.I suggest NC and not trying any new relationship.Since you're experiencing only the first stage of the break up,it's normal to feel like this.Remember we're with you.

[bstrong2day]

I respect you for pushing yourself and staying active.

[thegoodgirl04]

Thanks shake and bstrong I appreciate the support! I know I'll get there, and I will continue no contact!

[settinuplife]

It worked that way for me too. The more I tried to go out and do things and be with my friends the more I thought about my ex.

 

Seems like it worked about as well to stay at home and keep myself busy here to not think of my ex. (weird)

[nicorette]

continue to stay active. itll help, that and time. the fact that he would say that about his ex shows his arrogance and immaturity. think about how awesome it is that you ARENT with someone who is so cruel. why would you want to be with someone who would purposely try to make you feel liek crap?

[Psylocke960]

I applaud you for keeping yourself busy and doing things to help YOU! No matter how hard we try, sometimes our minds dwell on the things, memories and moments we want to forget. Don't you wish we had a switch where we can shut off that portion of our brain? It's like, no matter what I do, the ex creeps back into my mind because I saw something or was even eating something that reminded me of him. I still think of my ex about a million times a day. Sometimes it's good, sometimes I'm in the most excruciating pain, sometimes I'm just so angry and well, you know how it can be.

 

My ex went back to his other ex and you can't even imagine how much of a rejection and emptiness I felt when I heard about it, especially since it's been just 3 weeks ago since we've broken up. The only thing I have now is to worry about me and getting my life back in order. I know it won't be easy but I always have good friends and a loving family to help me through all this. And that, I am grateful for.

 

Continue to keep yourself busy like you seem to be doing. I recently took a cake decorating class and even though it is only a couple of hours on Wednesday nights, those couple of hours, I am free and at peace with myself. No thoughts of the ex. Just thoughts of decorating a cake for my coworkers to enjoy.

 

Be strong but also use this time to learn and to heal. It may take a while or it may not but one day, I know you will open up your heart again and find that person who will love you completely. Take care!

[opiate92]

I agree about weekends being rough.

 

How ironic that, y'all? Remember when we used to to scream "yes!" when we drove away from work on a Friday afternoon? ...usually because we were excited to go out with the person that is now an ex.. What was once our favorite time of the week looks like a big black hole looming on the horizon all week. If you don't have big plans on Saturday or Sunday - that time waking up (now) alone in your bed is the worst. That is when it is hardest to escape all the thoughts you've been running from since "it happened."

 

If I don't already have set plans for those days I usually spend my weekend mornings calling around trying (in desperation it seems) to make plans with someone. If that doesn't work it is time to go to the Barnes and Noble....

 

Weekends are the hardest because for most of us it is really the only time when things are REALLY different and REALLY apparent to us that that person is gone. Weeknights have a limited amount of time to fill. I'll stay after work for a few hours (which has the added bonus of your bosses think you're just working harder all of a sudden), then play racquetball for a few hours, then surf the internet and IM/call a friend...then go to sleep. Weekends though seem like an endless expansion of time arching out in front of us. Every moment you're sitting there alone (for those of us that live alone) is a reminder of what you used to do..and how someone else used to be there sharing this time with you.

 

God I used to love the weekends. I used to love waking up before her just so I could watch her sleep.. What girl could do better than a guy that loves her so much he just wants to watch her sleep and be endlessly fascinated by it?

 

People have told me to think of my ex as dead to get through this. Dead people don't have sex with new/old lovers though...and once you find that stuff out (as you did) it is an impossible image to shake. I really think none of us can really get over a lost love until we find a new (better) one. The time inbetween though is spent in a lot of pain. There is a precept that if you are depressed -you can find a reason to be depressed about anything. If you're home alone you are depressed that you're alone. If you go out with your friends you'll see happy couples and be reminded that your ex no longer loves you. It is quite a catch 22 and we all have to work through it in our own way. At least we have some small consolation (through this site) that many many people out there are experiencing the exact same thing even though our friends and family aren't and may not even understand (lord knows my friends don't).

 

Just know that these excursions with your friends on the weekends are the first little things/times where you WILL forget about your ex- if only for a second. Depending on the severity of the break-up and amount of time spent in the relationship don't expect this forgetting to happen for awhile though. It may take a few months or more - but eventually those memories will slip away little by little and you'll be distracted by your other activities. Just don't give up. I still think about my ex 95% of the time. But that is down from 100%. Maybe in a few years I'll have it down to 1%, that is the goal.

 

This will also show you who your real friends are. If they can't put up with you being depressed for more than a few weeks - they aren't really your friends. you'll see this experience cast aside those who don't really care for you - because they won't put up with you when you refuse to "just snap out of it." In a way it will be sad because your group will get smaller - but it is also good because you'll see who you can really lean on in future times of trouble.

[bstrong2day]

this is an amazing post. Thanks for your insight. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you wrote. Hearing you tell of waking up early and watching your ex sleep made my heart float and sink at the same time. I would do the same thing with my ex-. It was beautiful.

 

Keep moving. Keep breathing. Keep living. You can do it.

[Pixiemeat]

Weekends are awful when you're going through a break up. They go from being the time that you look forward to every week, knowing that you're going to spend them with your partner, to being a really lonely three evenings with noone to be intimate with. I've had a rough couple of weekends recently, I feel your pain.

There are ways around weeknights: staying at work extra (I'm working 12 hour days when I'm only getting paid to work 37 a week!), leaving work late so that I can just go home and go to sleep, meeting with friends for a post-work chat. But weekends feel like the remit of couples, and for some reason, even my non-coupled friends always have plans. Maybe forward plan meetings with friends? Go somewhere? I'm not very good at being on my own, so I'm using this new opportunity to force myself to like my own company. Maybe try a daytrip to another part of town/another city.

Best of luck, a lot of us are going through this too so we're always here for support.

[thegoodgirl04]

Sometimes I miss my ex, I think about the kind of person he was in my mind and that's just the problem, he wasn't as great as I made him out to be. It's just so hard, I've been trying to date but I just can't do it anymore. I don't feel like I am being fair to the guys I've been out with, not that I feel bitter just I don't feel anything! It's horrible! I am so mad at my ex for being such an a$$hole, I can't even stand it. Why would he want to say those things and hurt me so much??

[thegoodgirl04]

Oh yeah, and this is really weird, what's the deal with almost all of my other ex's coming out of the wood work? It's like they know! I had one stop by my cube the other day and ask me if I wanted to catch up and go out for coffee, no thanks, I had another call me and ask me to go out to dinner, no thanks, and another try to contact me through his sister, no thanks! What's the deal has anyone else ever had this happen to them?