my girls in a catch 22 please help

[pissed off]

hey yall my girl is so depressed its not funny all because she cant please her mother and father ever it seems like. she is now 25 years old and still her parents have a hold on her they tell her what to do in every situation u can think of and makes her feel guilty and cry on a regular basis if she doesnt listen to them. its at a point now where she is compermizing her own happyniss to please them and it pisses me off the way they treat her. its like they wont let her grow up and make her own choices. thier from africa so i no they might have been rasied that way but now there in america an things are different. off course they dont like me for what ever reason an never even met me and her mother reminds her of that everyday they had the same problem with her older sister and would not even go to her wedding they clam they disown her its so bad my girl doesnt even want them to come to our wedding. she cant go to them with any of her problems because they make her feel like crap when ever she does shes even thought about killing her self its so bad. i need some help!!!! i told her she just need to get away from the situation but then she feels guilty about losing her family. its mainly her mother doing all of this and it kills my boo inside she tried to talk to her parents about the problem but there stubern. please give us some good advice so we can move on an we can be happy

[vesper]

hey yall my girl is so depressed its not funny all because she cant please her mother and father ever it seems like.

 

Hi pissed off, welcome to eNotAlone,

 

Firstly, she needs to realize that her happiness does not have to be dependent on pleasing her parents. If they are upset, she ignores them. Plain & Simple. She needs to step up to the plate and just tell her parents 'no' on issues that she disagress with. If she does it with confidence and her parents see that she is strong in her decision-making they will back-off, I promise. She has to be the adult here.

 

Believe me I know what it is like to have parents from a different culture, mine and me are from Persia. So, what is different about my parents is that my parents where very liberal compared to some of their friends, so I felt a little bit more free to do what I wanted to do and they support me in that.

 

They did however have a very rich culture filled with expectations. I had to learn to be respectful to that fact and know that they have expectations of their daughter. In the end though, it is her life and she needs to express her wants and wishes to her parents. If she says it with confidence, joy, and respect, they will respect her in return.

[nicorette]

shes 25. i understand that she wnats to please them, but the parents are never going to stop. tlel her to have a talk wtih her parents about how bothered she is by this. if she already has, and they still continue then she shoudl ignore them. shes 25, and can make her own decisions, if her parents dont like it, then thats too bad. that is, if these are minor, trivial things they are picking on her for. tell her to have a talk with them.

[Serendipity1607307077]

Her parents need to realise that she is an individual person now, and they should be happy for her and supportive of her no matter what her choices.