Affair dragging on, no sexual contact- he's still married- H

[Heatrae]

Hello. I have been here before back in May when I was attempting to end an affair with my lover of 1.5 years. We were both married when it started and fell deeply in love, but when I left my husband, I refused to be the other woman to "B". We work together with changing jobs not an option. We have been very good about not being together, but July was a rough month for us, talking on the phone, being vunerable, telling each other we love one another. Exchanging lovey emails, him sending me video love songs. I have been dating new people and now crying about B and I rarely see him at work, but like I said, July was rough. I think things are bad again at his house with the wife and he's cycling hence the lening toward me. I al struggling to stay away and we are not having sex. We have had a couple 2 hour convos on the phone and hugged a little in in month, but nothing major. The thing is, he continually says, "I need to be with you Heather. I need you." See, I won't "be" with him. He's married and unhappy and I deserve more than what he can offer me. But we are very in love and I am struggling so much. I thought taht by now I would be in more control of my thoughts and emotions I was healing there for a while, albeit painful passing in the hall without saying anything to him, but as soon as we start talking again here and there I begin to have emotional expectations and I start obsessing. I am seeing a therapist, she thinks it's pretty cut and dried. I am just so sickened with myself about falling into this pattern again although we are NOT sleeping together. I know something is NOT going right again at his house or he wouldn't be coming on so strong after we've already established these new boundaries in May. We have been very good about not wanting to open up the wounds we worked so hard to heal. But I type this now as a diversion from calling him- yesterday he was very fiesty and now I won't see him for 2 weeks as he is going on a family vacation to Minnesota. Please help!!!!

[winkie]

I do not know him but I can only tell you my opinion and it is that you maybe a shoulder to cry on. Please you need to just stay away from him and cut all times. You left your husband and did the right thing if you were not happy. He may still love his wife but that is not fair to call you and cry to you knowing how you feel about him. He may never have any intention of leaving his wife. Somtimes, people have to have an extra so that when the rough gets going they go to the other person and vice versa. I am sure you are a great person you need to move on from this part in your life. You are doing the right thing by not being with him, you do deserve better. Just hang in there and try not to be his shulder to cry on because it is only hurting you.

[Heatrae]

Thanks for that. The problem here is that we both agree we are soulmates. (I hate that cheesy saying, but it is true.) We have done fairly well for these recent months, but I can tell something is brewing again over there. I want him so much, it would be so easy to slip back into being with him...it's what I want. But I know it's not right, nor honorable. Indeed I was not in love with my husband and that made me very sad. Last year "B's" wife saw a kiss we had after following him accross town to catch him. She attempted to kick him out and he wanted to work it out with her. He and I tried to stay away so he could do the right thing. IT didn't work. We were too much in love. Then they had a HUGE discussion in May about how unhappy she is in the marriage and why he can't do certain things for her, like act lovingly. He told her "it doen't come natural for me" but didn't leave the marriage. It's like their co-dependent on each other. Then in April he came to my house. She followed him and caught him there. That night she tried to throw him out and he refused saying he wasn't going anywhere and that he was their for their daughters not HER. She agreed to that and he told me the entire thing as though I was his best friend...not the woman he's in love with. I have been separated from my husband since January1 of this year and B and I have struggled ever since. He says my divorce has changed everything. He wants me, knows I'm the one, but his inaction tells me he has no intentions of leaving and obviously she is too weak herself to REALLY do anything. I drew the line after her coming to my house like that, but he still says things like, "we will prevail, Heather" "we will be together." He sounds like he's in denial...why doese he think that way. He says I don't know what the future holds and he seems so confident. I am really hurting here!!!!

[Lanni]

OH MY COW! I feel like you are living my story! Only you are a few months ahead of me. You are so brave to even try not being together. I don't have that kind of courage. Just today after another break up last Thursday, I called my "friend" and told him that we are indeed NOT over and to tell me that he wants me. We too are "soul mates" (although it was someone else that recognized that ~ not us). Bless your heart for having the courage.

 

I too tried to leave my husband but he wont have it .... and there's no money. He says that if I stay and we manage to work it out that he wins. The problem is that I love my "friend" YUCK! He wants to save his marriage, but I know that he loves me because he can't say goodbye. Good luck to you. I hope that you have the courage to stay out.

 

~Lanni

[Heatrae]

Lanni, be prepared to go through it many many times. I got this book online called, "this affair is OVER" and it helps me a lot! I read it all the time. My man loves me, but doesn't have the strrength or the drive to leave her. I left my husband and it was hard, but I wasn't in love and I could no longer stay with him. I don't have kids and "B" does...they have two. He says he is staying for the two daughters, 8 and 4.

 

But he is miserable all the time, still pursues me which translates into him NOT re-committing to his marriage which hurts me. I want to fel that all this pain I'm experiencing forcing myself to stay away is amounting to somethinglike at least he's trying with his wife. BUt it appears through our recent conversations he is not. He wants both and I am struggling to stay away! I have my pride. It was OK when we were both married, but now that I have 100% to offer him, I expect the same! You should too!! LEt's keep in touch.

[crookster_man]

Well I'll tell you first off what you are going through is quite common. When men cheat on their wives they are usually unsatisfied with only a few things in their marriage. That's where you come into play. You fulfill whatever he is missing, however you are NOT THE FULL PACKAGE. What does that mean? Well he uses you to get something out of the deal.

 

In your situation you are the emotions that he needs. You provide him with the feelings of love and affection. But you cannot provide him with his family, his home and his stable life. This is what his wife provides for him. You said it best you want to give him %100 and expect the same. It is CLEAR that he will NEVER be able to give %100.

 

He is unable to sacrifice his life for you, this is not a good thing or a bad thing, just simply how it is. I don't really believe in "soul mates". People can be very compatible or not. There is more then one person out there for you. He has proven to you that he is unable to commit.

 

Another angle you might want to look at is this. How can you every really trust him? He has proven to you that marriage and commitment are not important to him. The same for you. Cheating is the lowest form of disrespect, for the other person and for you. You left your husband because it was a loveless marriage, you had the strength to realise that it was poison to you. He on the other hand cannot sever ties.

 

Your only obligation is to yourself. If you do not live a true life, you will be unhappy. You know what is happening; you know what you have to do. The only thing is how long will you ignore that voice?

[Heatrae]

Crook! I get what you are saying. His gretaest fear in life IS instability. We have talked about that. He knows he will never be HAPPY with his wife, he is not in denial about that and he knows I don't want to be in an affair. I just don't understand how someone can live so unhappily simple because of the familiarity he shares with his wife. To the degree that he will continue to love me, tell me so and attempt to be with me. We are TRYING to do the right thing, but it seems through his comments HE'S in denial saying "we will prevail" and that we will be together. I mean..it's obvious to me he won't leave her no matter how much he loves me. She caught him at my house for Christ's sake, told him to get the hell out and he refused. He says he doesn't want the split to be HIS fault. He wants them to come to an agreement. SHe is codependent and I don't think he has the strength to do what it takes to be happy. IS this right?

[crookster_man]

You have defiantly nailed it. She won't leave him because she is afraid of facing the world alone. He won't leave her because he doesn't want to be at fault (doesn't want to rock the boat). Triangles of love never end happily for anyone involved. The only way to win in this situation is to walk away. It may hurt, but I ask you.

 

Would you rather hurt now for the short term, or continue to hurt for the long term? It's your choice really, if you think this is "love" being in constant pain then go for it. I on the other hand think "love" should be uplifting and should set you FREE not drag you down. That's just my opinion of course; take it for what you will.

[spiritualtraveler]

Okay Heatrae, I have a new way of thinking about this one. Love is not just an emotion, I have been happily married for about 4 years and I'll tell you- love is an action too. In fact, the emotional part is probably only 10% of the equation. Love is a choice you make every day. You choose to make love, you choose to say "please" and "thank you", you choose to buy him a gift, and you choose to not be with other men.

 

He does not love you! He may feel he loves you, but his actions show that he does not. You are right, he will never leave his wife. Don't believe his BS that it is for the kids, he's lying. It's for himself- for whatever reason- he doesn't want the messiness of divorce, he likes being catered to by a submissive woman, he is afraid to be an equal with you,.... whatever, don't try to fix that. What matters is that he will never show his love by committing to you. I know you've heard this before, but if he did marry you, you would find yourself in the same situation as B. You two would NOT walk off into the sunset and be happy- his behavior patterns prove that. In my studies of psychology, the only indicator of future behavior is past behavior. Researchers have been trying for years to find any other way to determine someone's actions, but to no avail. Don't think you can fix this man with the love of a good strong woman.

 

Okay, now onto you: Girl, it is Friday. Get your pretty little butt in the shower, put on sexy makeup and a sexy outfit and go OUT. Get your hair done- apply self tanner at night after exfoliating, workout. I know your therapist will have a hissy if you tell her/him I said this, but it is totally true- you won't move on until you are thinking of other men. Go to link removed; go to link removed; go to link removed- put yourself out there. When you are dating, passing him in the hall will not be torturous.

 

Warning: When he discovers you are seeing other men and are happy and strong- he'll try to come back. It will just be so he can prove to himself that he can have you any old time- DO NOT FALL FOR IT!

 

Do not hug him. Do not have long conversations with him. When you do this, you are strenthening the neural pathways that yoke you to him. I'm glad you are not having sex with him, they don't call it "making love" for no reason. However, you two are still being unfaithful. When in doubt, imagine how B would feel about your talks and hugs- not to make you feel bad, just to let you know that it is still cheating (albeit not as bad).

 

He's using you. He probably has no idea that he is, but he is. You are the drama and "love" in his life. Seriously, this man has the stability of a wife and this romanticized notion of love on the side. Unfair to you.

 

Sorry such a long post. Please keep me updated. [/i]

[crookster_man]

Interesting perspective. I like the idea about love being %10 emotions and %90 action. I've known this, but not had those words to express it. Thank you.

 

Heatrae, The advice I gave you was what you were looking for.... However, spiritualtraveler has a very good point. Something I was trying to stress but was unable to communicate clearly. Thank you for your perspective.

[Heatrae]

Thank you, thank you!!!! I know how I work and it means I will need the distraction of another man to help ease the main. I have been online for a few months on the dating site and have been on MANY dates. NOthing too serious, but it DOES ease some of the pain. I am taking very good care of myself: in very good shape, eat well, attractive, outgoing, active, etc. I go out on the weekends all the time, but men are quite intimidated by me so I rarely get approached. I thank you for hte suggestions about getting out there.

 

I also agree that he doesn't want the MESS of a divorce. He will be OK to live with one woman and be in love with another for the rest of his life because he doesn't want to make the effort to get happy and go through the drama, etc.

 

Someone suggested to me that I give him the book "Self Matters" by Dr. Phil. IT IS his birthday next week and I had planned on ignoring it (mine is the following week). But I think, and not even about leaving his wife, but that he could really benefit from such a book. HE is so wrapped up in what OTHER people think is the right thing for him to do. He stood before me once when we were talking about the fact taht he has the power to make all this pain go away for everyone, me him and the wife. He looked at me with his hands out as if he were holding water in them and said, "Oh, I know...I have the power to choose to be happy and be with the woman I love (raises left hand) or to shose what I think is the right thing to do for my family (raises right hand). Believe me Heather, I know. I think about this 24 hours a day..." It was that converstaion that did it for me, at least for a while. I realsized he would never tell me he didnt' love me, nor want to be with me. He would never truly commit to the wife and that I had to do something for myself. HE was simply stating he DID realize how much control he had and that yet he wasn't making any overt decisions. I had to take his IN-action as a decision in and of itself. IT was then that I started to walk away. I had been free from my marriage at that point about 5 months.

 

To this day, he still sends me love song videos, sexually flirts, but doesn't go WAY out of his way. I am not getting phone calls unless I instigate it. I didn't however instigate anything about the songs or otherwise.

 

So...he's away on vacation, sitting on a lake with only his thoughts and the reality of his "decision" I guess. Everytime he and the wife fight or avoid each other, he has only himself to thank. What do you think about giving him the book (actually the CD version), VERY casually like I would any friend when he returns from his trip??? Thanks a bunch everyone!

[Heatrae]

THe man returned from vacation and I did my best to not mention his birthday nor the vacation itself. He came back at me with a CD of songs he wanted me to hear that he mentioned months ago and never got around to bringing it to work for me. So, hre he gives me the CD- I give him his bday gift.

 

He called me for my bday singing and then told me, "I love you and wanted to wish you a happy bday. Be careful out there."

 

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Why ..how can he love one woman and still live with another? When he gave me the CD with a prticular song on it he told me to listen to it and siad that during that song he is free to live the life he wants to lead and then when the song is over, it's about it kids. "I am staying because of my kids." This he says with a very somber face.

 

HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

[DGirl]

Hi Heatrae! I just want to give you a point of view from B's side. I have been married to my husband for 9 months now. We have been together for 9 years. We are both 27. I began sleeping with someone else (who happened to be my best friend & work parnter) about 3 years ago. I fell in love with him, but i didn't think he loved me. I thought it was just a sex thing. So i went through with the marriage thinking that after the wedding all ties would be cut and we would remain friend. WRONG!! He was my best friend so of course he was invited tomy wedding. He called me the night of my wedding, after to the reception, to tell me he had to speak to me before i went on my honeymoon! I called him the next day and he told me he loved me, and he has all along and that he didn't think that i loved him so he never said anything. So to make a long story short, we are still seeing eachother. I am married he is not. I am missrable in my marriage, he made he realized that i got married for all the wrong reason. I do not have any kids. He is basically waiting for me, as you are waiting for B. I do plan to leave, but like B i am not strong enough. Why? I dont know. I wish it would be easier, i just dont know what to do or how to do it. We tell eachother we love eachother and i do believe he is my "soul mate", but i dont know how to tell my husband to leave. I do love my husband because we have been together for so long, but i realize that i am not in love with him. I love him more like a brother(not to sound sick) I feel like we are more like roomates. Me and my "friend" always talk about our future together, the kind of house we are gonna bye, the kids we are gonna have, but yet i'm still married and I cant leave! I want to so bad! And now like you, he is getting sick of waiting for me. But i really do believe that some day my "friend" will be my husband! And god knows i want that more than anything in this world. I'm not saying you should hang on to B if you dont want to, I just want you to know from B's side that he may be telling you the truth. Hope this helped!

[Heatrae]

Well, I can tell you...you NEED to leave your husband. It is neither honorable nor healthy for you to be cheating on him. Youve only been married short while. Cut your losses. You will be in pain and your hunsband will be in pain, but the pain will subside and then you will be freed up to become happy. I am so much happier alone than when I was living with my husband. I was lying everyday to make myself justify staying in the marriage. But I realized I was too young to stay unhappily mariied to a really good man...just not the man for me. You nee dto talk to your husband and tell him, "I'm not in love with you the way I THINK I should be with my husband. The love I feel for you is very sisterly and that will not sustain us over a life time." Tell him, you must tell him. I realized that you have a standard of how YOU should feel when you're in love with a man, and that you just don't feel that way. You need to own the lack of love you feel and not let him think it's about him.

You have to take ownership of your own happiness. There is NO EXCUSE for you to NOT be happy. You are a dishonest woman if you continue to see this other man and live the lie you are by staying married to your husband. He deserves better. Good luck. It will be fine.!!!

[confusedsoul]

Hi Heatrae, by reading your response to DGirl, it seems to me deep down you know what you need to do. You are very right that "you have to take ownership of your own happiness", only thing is that for some reason you are not really practising it when it comes to B. Sorry if I sound harsh, but this is just my opinion. He keeps telling you that he stays in the marriage because of the kids. That could be true, but it is also something that he KNOWS you would sympathise and even feel sorry for him and that will make you continue with this relationship with him. He knows you love him and sad to say he also knows how to keep you where you are by painting a picture that he too is a victim in this. BUT HE IS NOT. Like many who has tried to tell you indirectly, he is using you for his emotional needs. Why would he want to leave his marraige when he know how to keep you where you are. You are trapped by his weakness and vulnerability that he deliberately projected. You think he is also a victim in his "predicament", so you always think how to help him. I repeat again, he is not. Is a decision that he made not to leave his wife, but it's also his decision to be selfish to tell you he loves you without offering the commitment you so much wanted. If he TRULY loves you, he would either let you go or make himself a freeman for you. Spiritualtraveler is right on, when she said it is 10% love and 90% actions. So if you are so unhappy as you sounded, then leave him and let him prove to you by his actions.

 

sorry again if I've hurt your feelings and hope it helps.

[Heatrae]

No, my feelings are not hurt. I am here for hardcore feedback! I see youro point. And I must say that as of late he has been coming back around. Telling me how much he loves me. Sending me MORE love song videos, teling me I was sent from God to be his angel, etc. I have slipped a little myself expressing some of my feelings as well, but I keep in mind that I haven't crossed the LINE at this point. He wants to make time to be tgether. He states that he's REALLY hurting right now. He called and akse me to run away with him...where no one knows us, etc. Naturally, this will never happen. He's cycling again. The wife and he must not be getting along very well again. What's my best course of action. Not answer the phone, keep my office door closed, not email him. If he doesn't feel the pain of NOT having me in his life, why would he ever change his miserable situation, right? I am cycling myself because we've been swapping love comments and wants. But I refuse to be ALONE with him where something could happen. In talking the other day, he stated how we will be together. He seems to fully think we WILL be together. Like he's holding on to some false hope that teh wife will get the courage to leave. I dont' understand.

[Heatrae]

ALso, it's not that I'm miserable when I'm around him. In fact, when he and I are paying attention to each o ther like this, I am beaming. My close friends know when it's happening and he and I aren't being physical. I am dating two men right now outside of my situation with B. He knows I am dating someone (it's not at the committment stage) and it really bothers him.

 

It seems, B is a drug and I am so HIGH when we are near and expressing our love and feelings. We are like oxygen to one another. It's NOT having that that makes me miserable because I know he loves me so much. I just don't know how to not get so happy or allow myself to faulter this way.

[crookster_man]

Heatrae, long time no chat. I can see that you are still stuck in the same place. I'm sorry to hear that. Like I've told you earlier, the only way this circle of pain will end is when one of you makes a choice to end it. Until then you will both be stuck in limbo.

 

I'm sorry that you are still here. I hope you don't waste to much time that life passes you by. The only thing worse then being in a dead end relationship for 2 years is to be in a dead end relationship for 2 years and a day.

[Heatrae]

Crook, I know, I know. I just thought I was doing OK by dating others. I don't care if he knows. He is just feeling sorry for himself probably, and knows if he says certain things to me, I may say lovey things back to him, thus making his miserable life with the wife more bearable. Oh how I struggle so. Did you see where Dgirl commented on "his" side. But I suppose the bottom line is, HE WILL NEVER LEAVE! The wife gave him 2 separate chances to leave and he did NOTHING. He even acknowledges he didn't take those opportunities.

 

I dont' FEEL like I'm waiting for him: I'm not sneaking around to see him. I don't call him, but when he comes on strong with professions of love, I give in and exchange them with him.

 

I have to be the most stupid woman in the world. I wish I was stronger or that he would fall out of love with me. Or at least love me enough to tell me he doesn't love me.

[AlisonG26]

Heatrea,

 

Ok girl it's like this. I have read all of these responses and I only have one thing to tell you, this guy is just wanting his cake and eating it too. If he loves you so much, he would leave his wife. Guys are different from girls as we all know, the guy is supposed to be the "hunter" and they LOVE challenges, and that is what this is to him. He loves the excitement of knowing what he is doing is wrong and that he could get "caught". If he loved you so much, when his wife showed up at your house, he would have told her to leave and stayed with you. That was his "way out". However, he isn't going to do that, not ever. You need to get that through your head. I know it sucks, but it's life. I have gone through this whole shindig with my husband who I am now separated from. he would start dating these girls and tell them how much he loves them, and tell them he stayed with me cause of our boys, but that's BS. He was using them for sex and he stayed with me cause he is a jerk. You know something I figured out about myself that i think can relate to you, it's this...where is your love for yourself? I feel that I don't love myself because I keep trying to work things out with my husband, or another guy that I have also dated and they both treat me bad a lot...verbal abuse is very common. ANd I asked myself, if I really loved myself, would I put up with guys who treat me like this and the answer is always a resounding NO!!!! You can do better girl, you don't want him, you just feel as though you need him, but as soon as you take charge of your life and start to love yourself, your feelings for him will flip. Don't give him the satisfaction of thinking about him, Get MAD at him. he is not only using you, but his wife...what lesson is he teaching his kids? Get married but if it's boring, get a girlfriend? That's crazy. Not until we all get up and take a stand for what is right and moral will the divorce rate ever go down. You also need to put yourself in his wife's position. she is probably a great person, never done anything wrong, and she is just trying to keep her family together. You don't know the pain of knowing that your husband is having sex with another woman. THere is no pain like it. So pick yourself up, dust off, and move on.

 

I hope I didn't sound too mean, I am just straightforward like this. I do wish you lots of luck.

[Heatrae]

And so it goes...I decided to walk away from hanging on to the hopes of "B" even tho we spend so much time talking. I know talking with him about daily stuff and expressing emotions links u s together even tho we're not sexual and thus keeps me from moving on as he stays with wife. I had a 10 day cruise planned with a man I was seeing. The day before I left, B and I were text paging very lovey, mushy things to one another. I left the next day wtihout telling him. I returned and learned from his coworker that he was a complete jerk the week I was gone, was very nasty to others and didn't break a smile. When the coworker asked, "where'd Heather go on her trip?" B snapped back yelling how should he know, she doesn't tell me anything, I don't know anything about where she is. He was visibly upset and agitated. Yesterday I returned to work and he completely ignored me. I had to interact with him (mind you the last time we communiacted was very mushy over the pager) so I was acting friendly asking a work question. I could tell he was ignoring me, asked him if he wasn't feeling friendly or just not toward me. He never looked at me and said that he's friendly to everyone. Needless to say, I was feeling terrible even tho I was going to use the return from my cruise as my chance to break away from teh addicting behavior between us. I felt so bad that I was being ignored. Against my best judgement, I called him later- he was right in the middle of something, but said he'd call back. He didn't call back, so I called again before I fell asleep. He was busy on a call and said he'd have to call back. He didn't. I think he's punishing me without even conversating with me first. This is what he does. I feel terrible even tho 1) I didn't want to mention the cruise and going with another man and rub it in his face out of respect to him, and 2) he really doesn't have the right to know everything I do anymore. He didnt' choose me, he chose to be with his wife. Talked to a mutual friend of ours today- B calle dhim 6 times last night to BS with him about nothing. Asked the friend where I had been on my trip a tried to get info out of him. He still hasn't called me. I know I did the right thing by not telling him about my plans for the abovementioned reasons, but why do I feel so bad that he's treating me like this. I didnt' do anything WRONG! I understand he's mad I didn't share my plans with him, maybe he thinks I"ve moved on.....is that what this childish behaviour is all about. Please help!!!!!! I was gone for 10 days and I think he's going to do this for 10 days to me. What are your thoughts???

[crookster_man]

So you want to break it off, but you still want him to be all mushy trying to get back together with you? Break ups aren't friendly business. They aren't fun and they sure as heck don't help foster feelings of love and respect.

 

Oh hi by the way ;o)

 

I hope you had a great time on your cruise. Now stick to your plan. If you are really breaking it off, then let him do what he needs to, to break it off with you. If it means he's a dick to you for a week or 2 then let him be. Don't keep calling him your just starting the cycle up again.

 

Why do you want to be friends? To keep the possibility of a relationship alive? I hope you aren't stringing the new guy along as well. Anyways good luck with it all. Have a good day. Good to hear from yea.

[Heatrae]

B called me yesterday. He vented his total frustration and anger with me about not telling him about my trip. HE was disgusted with the fact that he knew NOTHING about what I was doing and several people in the company new. He felt ignorant. I explained to him that I didn't tell him of the trip out of respect to him- to not rub ANOTHER man in his face- that's not my style. He yelled saying anything would be better than NOT knowing where I was. I could have died, he could have been trying to get a hold of me, etc. After much talk about this, he riled about me dating the other man saying he KKNOWS what went on on the cruise and he can't do anything about it. Then he told me, "hurry up and get married so we can go back to the way it was before." That comment shook me to the bone.

I said, "hurry up and get divorced so you can be happy." He shrugged off my comment a bit and said jokingly "not now that you've been out all over the world with some guy...nevermind." We talked about the sharing of information. The STRONG side of me says, "WALK AWAY. YOU ARE SINGLE AND DON'T WANT TO BE WITH A MAN, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE EACH OTHER THAT CAN'T GIVE YOU 100%" but then I also started thinking, "I am more miserable without sharing my life things with him. My entire affect changes and brightens when we're sharing that I don't want to fight it anymore. I will still date other people and I guess, this would mean that B is my fall-back guy until I find someone to really share myself with. At that time I would have nothing romantic to do with B since I would be seriously involved with the new person. I am seriously consiering this as an option. I am so tired of fighting this longing we have to be together. He said it there: he is willing to risk having an affair (the way it was) to make himself happy, but he's not willing to leave his wife. AM I MISSING SOMETHING!!!!

[crookster_man]

A clue, you're missing a clue.

 

If you want to do that, then to what you want. If you feel that you will be better off being the other woman then do it. Give him what he wants and give in to weakness. That way you will never have to face the real world. You will never have to do anything to possibly put you in harms way.

 

Life is so much easier when you follow your heart and ignore common sense eh? Except of course when reality hits you like a brick wall. Sometimes you can love someone and still not meant to be together.

 

Quite often the hardest choice is the right choice. If we were animals we would choose the path of least resistance... If we were animals.

[Heatrae]

You bring me to tears, Crook. ALways the voice of reason and the common sense on my shoulder. You must think I"m the weakest, lamest person in the world! I am ashamed of myself sometimes.