Would really appreciate some ideas

[Mizzy]

I've been regularly logging onto this site for sometime but haven't posted very often.

 

Briefly I split with my b/f six months ago, we had been together 3 and half years. The main reason for our split is that my b/f suffers from depression and OCD and this had put a continual strain on our relationship. The split was mutual, we both still loved each other a lot but during intensive bouts of depression/OCD I found it really difficult emotionally. For me it came to a head when I had issues at work and b/f couldn't support me emotionally due to his health problems. Since then I have had councelling and this has really helped. My b/f contacted me a few weeks ago and we met up a few times to talk 'as friends'. Now he has suggested we try again and I don't know what to do. I do love him immensely but his health problems will probably be with him throughout his life. I know I will always have to be the strong one and he probably won't be strong enough to support me when I need help and this makes me sad. In addition to this I have a lovely little boy who is seven and I want the best for him - I sometimes worry that when he sees my b/f unwell he finds this upsetting.

 

I would really appreciate your views/guidance on this.

[patience]

do what is you and your son's best interests

 

it seems you already know that a relationship with him will not adequately meet you and your son's needs (and you BOTH deserve to have your needs met)

 

is he willing to see a counsellor with you?

[Orlander]

Well, I happen to feel that depression is a bit like alcoholism. Many doctors feel the same way. To a lot of people it is a constant battle, and like alcoholism you have to want to get better to actually get better. You have to fight, set rules, take actions, medication, see therapists, read, go to meetings, etc.

 

If your ex isn't doing anything actively to fight against depression, then I say you are left with one alternative and that is to find someone new. Ask yourself how you would feel if your ex were an alcoholic and wasn't there for you when you needed him because he was on a binge.

 

Orlander

[Daddy Bear]

Mizzy, what is your b/f depressed over?

[Diva26]

Well, I happen to feel that depression is a bit like alcoholism. Many doctors feel the same way. To a lot of people it is a constant battle, and like alcoholism you have to want to get better to actually get better. You have to fight, set rules, take actions, medication, see therapists, read, go to meetings, etc.

 

If your ex isn't doing anything actively to fight against depression, then I say you are left with one alternative and that is to find someone new. Ask yourself how you would feel if your ex were an alcoholic and wasn't there for you when you needed him because he was on a binge.

 

Well put.

I have struggled with depression al my life, so I kinda know what your ex is going thru.If you really love him and think you may want things to work, talk to him about his disease(yes, like alcoholism, depression is a disease)and explain that you still love him, but he needs to take the steps in order to get his depression under control(if he hasn't yet done so)If you are to be with him .For EVERYONES best interest. Part of loving someone is accepting the bad with the good,provided the bad doesn't outweigh the good. There are ways of managing depression, but as I said he needs to want to take those steps. tell him that you support and respect whatever decision he makes and if he chooses to find help, then you will be there for moral support(as much as you feel comfortable).Then continue with your everyday life and hope for the best 'cause he is the only one who can make the next step.

[Diva26]

Another suggestion is to maybe research depression/OCD for your own knowledge, and how you as a partner can help, if that is the path you want to take. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, so while others may think that a certain situation is no big deal, to a person with depression, it is almost the end of the world.the littlest thing may trigger it and it can be a downward spiral from there. Everyone gets depressed now and again. Think of when you lose a job, or something disappoints you. That awful hollow, sinking feeling that you get? Someone with depression struggles with that almost on a daily basis. So it can really suck.

[Mizzy]

Thank you for your advice it's really helped.

 

My ex does attend counselling. 2 years ago he was perscribed an anti-depressant Seroxat (aka Paxil) and had a bad reaction so he will not consider these again. If I'm been fair he has radically changed his diet (no sugar, alchol etc) to try and give him self the best chance but sometimes when it's at it worst I find it so difficult to offer the support he needs and carry on.

 

I think that for now I will try and do some research myself and support from a distance. Thanks again it's just nice to have support