Need Some Advice

[dnl940]

Hey all. I need a little advice on the situation with my ex g/f. For those of you who don't remember my story, my ex g/f is pregnant with my child but trying to work things out with her ex husband. You can read more if you go to my profile. Anyway she and her ex husband have not been able to get things worked out very well and she is having a tough time of it. She calls and wants me to help her out with advice etc., which I would be happy to do but don't know how to really help her. Problem is... she said that she is losing weight and not able to sleep and feeling sick all of the time, which gets me very worried about the health of our baby. I have tried to get her to go to counseling and the doctor but she is very reluctant to do so. I love her with all of my heart and ultimately want her to be happy, but I feel that if I tell her that this guy is making things worse for her and our baby then she will think it's because I want to get back together with her. She is extremely vulnerable right now and is using me as a safety net but I just really don't know how to help her out, but at the same time I don't want her to think I've abandoned her if she calls and wants me to listen. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Iceman26]

Hey man, thats a rough spot you are in. Hope you are holding up ok.

 

To be direct, I would come out and tell her everything you just said in this post. I think it is money.

[dnl940]

I've been doing fine. Have been dating and having a lot of fun, but she keeps asking me what I've been up to and I keep just putting the ball back in her court saying that it's about her right now, not me. I think she is really regretting her decision to try and get back with her ex husband but I definitely would not want her back as her 2nd choice. But I love and care about her so much that I really want her to be happy no matter what. I feel like there is something I should do for her but don't know what it is. More to the story... on Saturday night she went to her ex husbands house and they got into an argument and she pushed him... very stupid... but what's worse is that he has been abusive to her in the past... I am really angry about it because she put my baby in harms way. I expressed that to her very calmly but she doesnt seem to want to get counseling or anything to help resolve her anger issues. How do I help her out if she is really not willing to help herself out?

[Iceman26]

She doesn't sound like she is/has been thinking clearly at all. Why would she think her ex husband would get back together with her knowing she was pregnant with another man's child is beyond me. Why she would want to go back to abuse is beyond me.

 

Do you know any of her friends and family members of hers that you could ask for some assistance? I am wracking my brain thinking of some solution to this, but either being direct and telling her about your concerns or getting friends or family members help is all I can think of.

[dnl940]

They both decided to try to give it a go again. And why she wants to go back to the abuse is beyond me as well. I struggled with this stuff for a long time after our breakup. I have talked with her sister about this, and she is trying to get her to go to counseling as well. But she keeps wanting me to listen to her problems and what she is going through and I just don't know how to get her to really do something about it that would really help her. I've tried to say these things to her in every possible way that I can think of, but you're correct she is not thinking very clearly at all. And I'm really worried about her health and the health of our baby.

[dnl940]

Well, I've got a little update... I have gone to counseling in the past so I contacted the counselor that I went to and he gave me the name of a counselor in her area. I gave that information to her and after we talked about it for awhile she said she would give him a call. She called me back and said that she made an appointment and they were actually able to get her in within 2 days. I really think she is telling me the truth about this also, and I really think this is a big step for her and after we got off of the phone tonight I have to admit that I felt like I had really done something to help her out. It was a great feeling to be able to really provide some assistance to a person that I care so deeply about. I hope she goes to the appointment. I think she will. And I'm really excited to think she may be on the road to better physical and mental health also.

[Iceman26]

Good stuff man! Glad to hear it!

 

Post an update when you get one and good luck!