No Contact - HELP

[navigator2001]

My girlfriend recently asked for a break because she needs time and space to figure things out. The relationship turned long distance a few months ago, and I've never been that affectionate of a guy, so with those things added up, she said she just needs some time to think about things for the time being. She's stated she thinks things will work out, told a mutual friend she has faith we'll end up together, so I feel good about things.

 

Is it ever too late to start initiating No Contact. For the first 2 weeks after the BREAK (we were together for 3 years), I think I played my cards wrong. I called her up crying, begging her to come back, made very affectionate gestures (which was very unlike me), met her announced with flowers and a long letter talking about how much I loved her and how much I wanted to be be with her forever. All things I thought would show her how much I cared, but in hindsight, must have pushed her away further. For the past month since, I've called her about once a week, and the conversations have been much more controlled. I kept the convo to just "as friends", with no talk about the break. I was out of the country during the past month, so in addition to the weekly calls, I emailed her about 3 times, just with updates about the trip (I also emailed my other friends). And once I got back, I really started thinking about my actions following the break announcment, and sent her one final email stating how I know my actions following her request for time and space were inappropriate for the time, and that I respect her decision for time and space, I don't want her to think I'm going to be badgering her for a decision, I want to stay at least good friends, and that although I have faith things will end up OK, I'm prepared for the possibility they won't.

 

Now looking back, I feel my best move would have been to initiate No Contact immediately following her request for a rbeak. Is it too late to start this, or is there some better course of action I should follow? I just hope I haven't screwed things up too much. I never thought she would ask for a break, ever. She was always really into me, and I think my unaffecationate personality has finally got her thinking.

 

Please advise!!

[robowarrior]

The advice is a 'total' breakup.

 

Because you need to quickly realise that your relationship between you and her is dead. Basically i would learn from the lessons you have learned in this relationship replace your ex with a new gf, and bring those lessons into practise in your new relationship. Seriously you need to review a situation in your life every now and then and ask yourself am i beating a dead horse. I seriously think that is the case in your situation to although you have to review that for yourself.

[Diva26]

Well, you've told her how you feel, and what you want to happen, now the best thing is to give her some space. For whatever reason, she wanted the break. Try your best to continue with your individual goals and if you two were meant to be, indeed, you will. You may have bombarded her with your true feelings and she may not be sure what to think after being with the you that plays it cool for 3 years.I don't recommend cutting contact completely unless you want to send the signal that you don't want this relationship. But keep minimal contact, just enough to let her know that you still care about her as a person,and you are there if she needs you. Don't call her all the time asking for answers, that can be a little overwhelming if not creepy. For the most part, let her come to you. She may have too much stress in her life right now and needs to sort it all out before you get back together. You should also prepare for the less appealing alternative. Either way, take care of what you need to, and either way, things will work out.Good luck

[navigator2001]

So NC is a bad option in general, or for my situation? Shouldn't I wait for her to give me a call or something before I call her, since I've been the one initiating it all along?

 

Another factor is that we both went to college in California, and afterwards I got a job in the area, and she went to grad school on in another country. She's from California, so before when she came home, I was around. However, I will be starting grad school on the east coast in a few months. So now when she comes home, I won't be around. So unless we get together soon, it seems that the odds are going to be against us. We won't be seeing each other much at all anymore, unless we make a conscious effort to do so. Should this change my gameplan at all? Or is minimal contact to show her I care still the best thing to do. Should I push for an answer before I leave California for good?

 

I can't help but thinking about the "What Ifs". What if I hadn't shown so much emotion in the beginning and played NC from the start. I just can't believe that after 3 years, it's come to these kind of games. I cant stand it...