Can't stand being around other people

[VerySadToday]

Hi all,

 

It has now been 3 and a half months since my breakup. Here is my story.

 

The passage of time is helping somewhat. Strictly following No Contact. I really don't want to see his new happy life.

 

I only cry about every few hours now instead of all day. This is a big change. I still cry all night and still not eating much.

 

I still can't stand to be around friends at all. Every time I hang out with friends, I have to keep running to the bathroom to cry. When I hang out with my married friends, they go on about little minor issues in their relationships. I spent from the time I was 15 until I was 38 just trying to fall in love ONE time. When I found him, I was overjoyed for the whole 2 years of the relationship. I was thankful to God for every minute. I know they are not trying to be insensitive, but they just seem so ungrateful for what they have.

 

In the last 3 months, my 2 single friends have both fallen in love after being single less than a year each. They talk about how easy it is to find someone that they care about, but my life has never been like that. I have had so many relationships where I pretended to have romantic feelings.

 

After I hang out with friends on Friday nights, I spend the whole weekend crying.

 

The only way that I can have any peace of mind in my life is to sit at home and work crossword puzzles by myself all weekend.

 

When does this stage end?

[skyblue1]

Honey you still need time to heal. It's totally normal to feel like that cry your heart out darling and let all that hurt out. I was like you crying all the time and being alone. I guess people deal with things different. It does take time to get over a breakup, but it's not forever sweetie. This stage will end soon when you accept it i guess. Take slow steps. Take care x You will be happy again.

[robowarrior]

You need to pray to God that love may devellop in your heart. What you are doing now is just torturing yourself , and you know why? Because you are 'forcing' yourself into fake feelings. Meaning you are 'untrue' to yourself. If you don't love anyone, then that is reality. The 'real' you who is not in love with anyone. If you where in love with someone you would feel it. But even then you would show that you have a life of your own to lead , independent of anyone. So stop forcing yourself, because lying against yourself is one of the most pathetic things you can do. Just lead on your life in caring and helping others, and love will flow back to you.

[tylercdurden2004]

In the last 3 months, my 2 single friends have both fallen in love after being single less than a year each. They talk about how easy it is to find someone that they care about, but my life has never been like that. I have had so many relationships where I pretended to have romantic feelings.

 

Are you getting into one relationship after the other? Have you spent any significant time (6months +) with yourself, not worrying about "finding" someone?

[settinuplife]

I completely understand what your going through. I figure I'll probably never love again after my ex, in which I spent soo long trying to find, and that makes it twice as hard to get over her. One thing I've learned is that you can't force love, it just has to happen. Don't look for it, but just meet people without thinking you have to develop and attraction for that person, and if you do great if you don't then no big deal. Who cares if your friends are finding replacements, some people are just attracted to everyone and I never understood that, it probably has to do with them being over their last relationships, they probably never really loved their last relationships and never had that passion for the person as you did for your last relationship, so maybe you had the better deal with real love.

 

You will get over your last ex or at least go on with life and be happy without your ex.

[VerySadToday]

In the last 3 months, my 2 single friends have both fallen in love after being single less than a year each. They talk about how easy it is to find someone that they care about, but my life has never been like that. I have had so many relationships where I pretended to have romantic feelings.

 

Are you getting into one relationship after the other? Have you spent any significant time (6months +) with yourself, not worrying about "finding" someone?

 

 

Because faking love made me feel so messed up inside, I took a few 2 year breaks from dating. But, when I went back to dating each time, it was just the same story. I would date about 75 guys, then just decide that I wasn't going to meet someone right for me, so I eventually just pretended to be in love so that I could be in a relationship.

 

I really appreciate all the encouragement. I feel extremely hopeless whenever someone says that I will fall in love again. It seems like telling a homeless person that the solution to their problems is winning the lottery.

 

settinuplife, it is SO good to hear a source of hope. Maybe I can go on with my life and be happy without my ex.

[joyce1412]

in my opinion, three and a half months is too long to be in this helpless state of yours. i respect that everyone does things differently, so i don't mean to look down on you, but you should really think about making some changes in your life, whatever you can possibly stand to do.

 

do you think you could ask your friends to be a little more sensitive to your situation when they start to discuss their love problems? that might help. unfortunately, though, you can't ask them to avoid discussing their personal lives forever. it's not fair to them. so again, you should start making changes in your life so that eventually you'll stop becoming upset when they want to talk about their relationships.

 

so you don't really want to be with people right now. but can you maybe do something solitary AROUND people, like taking up a yoga class or something? i used to find that even running errands lifted my mood--just going to the grocery store for this and that. after all, it was preferable to sitting at home and moping. there's something to be said for having people around you, even if you're not interacting. it could help ease you into more social situations and make you feel less lonely.

 

even though the solitude feels comfortable, you CANNOT keep doing this forever. for me, my worst days have always been when i'm home alone with nothing to do, and i suspect it's the same for many others getting over broken hearts--waaay too much time to dwell, leaving you depressed and grief-stricken, making eating, socializing normally, etc., so much harder.