Really need to get this off my chest

[AC874]

She was everything to me. The first girl I ever knew how to love, and we lasted 4 years. Everynight I would go over to tuck her into bed, watch her sleep. Memories that you can never forget, fireworks under the eiffel tower etc.

 

Until the very last day, she told me she loved me. On our "last day" we had a very romantic evening, where she confessed to me that she wanted to marry me.

 

After we broke-up, within 3 weeks she moved on to a new guy. 6 Months later, she is still with him. It's not fair. She gets to replace me with a new guy, not for a minute regretting anything about what happened. It's as if the last 4 years mean nothing to her. On her myspace, pictures of her and the new man. This guy gets to wake-up next to her, watch her smile, watch her cry.... everything I had done for over 1200 days of my life.

 

It's been a good 7 months now, but as everyday goes by, I dont feel like im getting better. Im absolutely shocked and traumatized about how this all fell apart, and I dont know how to pick up the pieces move forward with my life.

 

I realize that I have done a lot of things wrong. I know that I pushed her away.

 

What absolutely kills me is to know that the last 4 years dont mean anything to her. The memories are tainted with this guy in the picture. I am yesterday's news, but she still lives in my mind. She haunts my dreams...

 

I wonder when my nightmare will ever end?

[venusandback]

I have very little advice because I am currently working on healing myself. My ex and I broke up, and he's seeing someone else too. Well, actually, he's seeing two girls at once I learned. It's hard to accept and not to obsess over. But, after reading the posts on this board, I truly have hope that in this difficult time, I will become a better and stronger person for myself. I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone.

[locolady]

AC - what youve written could have word for word matched some older posts of my own - i was with my ex for 4 years, really happy, beginning to think we were going to make it as we'd survived 3 years of living apart while i was at uni, then he cheated on me? it was mindless and i felt so disgusted. We split up, he cried for one day, told me he had wanted to marry me but now he'd ruined it all and didnt want me anymore......then he moved on - instantly! I felt exactly the same as you.....shocked that it could mean nothing to him, that he was out having fun with friends, happy whilst i was at home devastated, unable to do anything more than cry - it was physical agony and i know what youre going through.

 

That was 9 months ago now and in the last 3 months, things have really begun to get better. I went travelling and met lots of great new people, am beginning to focus on myself again....joined the gym, getting fit, really trying to do things i enjoy again - i think about him a lot i will admit, i still miss him and i do go on his myspace things and stupidly torture myself by looking at photos of him happy. BUT it isnt the same agony now - sometimes i feel really sad and think im going to cry but then actually get distracted by something else, before i know it its the end of another day without any tears for him.

 

So..hang on mate, i know its so crap but do all you can to focus on you - exercise is the best thing ive found - feeling happier with my body along the way too - i know its been said everywhere here but join a club, take a college course, anything to be busy even though im sure that right now nothing appeals to you. Just look back at the progress you have made and be postive that things will get better.

 

You sound like an incredibly loving compassionate guy, (ive wanted to scream when people said "its his loss" because i thought "well how come he;s happy and im not then" but honestly, that girl is foolish to let you go......unfortunately she will learn the hard way. Dont wait around for her to realise....she doesnt deserve you and you will meet someone else.

 

Good luck...x