I think I hate my Best Friends

[Third Wheel]

These last few weeks, I realized I don't actually like my best friends. First, let me clarify, they're MY best friends, but I'm not theirs. (short story, S and R have been friends forever, and I'm relatively new...just 5 years or so) We became friends just because of being from a similar cultural background. And, well, because we've known each other so long, its like I'm obligated to be friends with them.

 

Recently, I've noticed that I didn't even like spending time with R, and that S had no social skills or tact whatsoever. I mean, after such a long time with them, to me atleast, I realized that they don't share the same interests as me, and I'm embarrassed to be around them.

 

I actually haven't said anything to them...but, I feel like such an *** for thinking this way. I mean, they're supposed to be my closest friends, but then I remember the day my Grandpa died, neither of them noticed I was a bit depressed. Everyone else in my class, and people I barely talk to knew something was wrong, and ever since, I've been thinking of them with um...less affection.

 

So, I've got 2 questions...

 

First, am I a horrible person for 180-ing on my "good" friends?

 

Second, how do I..."leave" them? I mean, I don't want to outright tell them I don't like them (atleast not R, maybe S..), but I'm tired of being grouped with them, and feeling obligated towards spending time with them.

 

Damn it, I feel kind of bad just for thinking that about them. Arghh...I want to move on, but I see them so much in all of my classes...

 

Should I just wait for college or something? Like finish high school, pretend to like them, and then move on with life in college? Grr...I wish I could not feel bad about this...

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

People do change, and sometimes friends grow apart. Also, I think you became a bit disillusioned (understandably) about your friendship once they failed to give proper sympathy that you'd hope a friend would, when your Grandpa died. About that, I do understand your feelings about that, but try to remember that other people can often be very tuned out and oblivious to what's going on with us and in our lives. Example: When I got the call that my Grandpa died I'm not lying, as soon as I got off the phone a friend called me crying hysterically because one of her cats had died. But she didn't know what was going on with me, and was just dealing with her own issues.

 

Since you have to continue to go to school with these two girls, I recommend that you try to remain friends with them, but also try to branch out and make new friends. Sometimes this can be tricky when your friends all run around in different circles. But you can be polite to R and S, while still telling them, "I'd love to hang out with you this weekend but I've already commited to hang out with other friends.". This way you still have them as friends but don't rely on them too heavily, and they might also appreciate the time spent with you more.

[CarnelianButterfly]

People change, some more than others. At 16 it could be that you've grown more as a person than they have. Some friendships will grow with the people in them, evolve and change with the individuals. Other friendships can fade and dissolve, it depends on how much the people in them are willing to maintain and continue it.

[Third Wheel]

Oh lol, iamteddy, they're guys. When I said "with less affection" I was trying to avoid typing "I HATE THOSE SONS OF (astericks)."

 

And, wow, thats very strange, unfortunate luck with the Grandpa Cat Fiasco...I tried kind of hard not to let on that I was sad or anything, but everyone seemed to know except the people that I spent the most time with. Carnelian, I think you might be right about the "growing" part. They...are still stuck in about Eight Grade.

 

iamteddy, the problem is that they run in the same circle as me...Which makes it so much harder to avoid them. I mean, well, me and another actually decent friend had planned an adventure at Six Flags instead of school one day, but S and R invited themselves in. (we actually cancelled it because of this) Its like, whenever I try to avoid them, they somehow get in the way.

 

Its kind of bad that I'm trying to avoid them this much, but I really don't know how to avoid them, since they manage to include themselves in plans.. ](*,)

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Oh lol, iamteddy, they're guys. When I said "with less affection" I was trying to avoid typing "I HATE THOSE SONS OF (astericks)."

OOPs! sorry 'bout that! I need to have vision checked don't know why I assumed you were a female

 

And, wow, thats very strange, unfortunate luck with the Grandpa Cat Fiasco...I tried kind of hard not to let on that I was sad or anything, but everyone seemed to know except the people that I spent the most time with. Carnelian, I think you might be right about the "growing" part. They...are still stuck in about Eight Grade.

 

iamteddy, the problem is that they run in the same circle as me...Which makes it so much harder to avoid them. I mean, well, me and another actually decent friend had planned an adventure at Six Flags instead of school one day, but S and R invited themselves in. (we actually cancelled it because of this) Its like, whenever I try to avoid them, they somehow get in the way.

 

Its kind of bad that I'm trying to avoid them this much, but I really don't know how to avoid them, since they manage to include themselves in plans.. ](*,)

 

Hey, you know what, if I were you, I would plan it again, and just make sure you two don't tell them. Just go. They don't own you, and you have a right to hang out with other friends with out them, don't let anyone tell you different.

[Stinkweed]

Something similar happened to me. One of my friends who was a girl started acting kinda annoying... she'd follow me everywhere, and just follow me everywhere... She started acting like a very clingy girlfriend... Plus she kept bombarding me with her personal problems, even though I, myself, wasn't doing good AT ALL... So, I got tired of that, and of her childish unrealistic view on things... We started drifting appart. We didn't actually fight or anything, though. So, yeah, I guess we both changed (probably me, especially...). These things happen, Iguess...