Really just can't bloody move on - please throw advice

[moosarm]

Hey everyone,

 

You can read my previous posts for a complete in-depth look at my ex-relationship, but here's the short story:

I'm currently 20, she's 19

 

- met when I was 15, her 14, started dating when I was 17, her 16

- had a solid two year relationship that went awry because she started flirting with another guy at a camp, two consecutive years straight for a weekend at a time, to which they ended up 'dirty dancing' and he thought she liked him (this was 2004); she also started to drink and decided to keep that from me

- broke up with her immediately and was devastated, she cried and begged enough and three months or so later, we got back together

- started hitting the bricks again as her grad rolled around (I was in second year) and she was acting distant and weird

- by August of last year she broke up with me, saying she had "lost the spark" for me, and she broke up with me over EMAIL and said that we needed to cut contact now in order to be friends later, and that she genuinely wished us to be friends (was evident that she didn't care enough to meet me in person to end it)

- entire relationship was 4 years in the making

- two months after she broke up with me (btw, we ended up at same university) she told me she missed me, missed what we had, was spent in tears in front of me, etc. and wanted to be friends

- in the meantime, however, during those two months, I'd gone through the heartbreak of seeing that she was befriending the guy she dirty danced with yet again, that she had become a party girl into drinking and flirting, posting up pictures on her MSN space of her hammered with her friends, flirting with guys, etc.

- we ended up in a same class together at university, and I avoided her at all costs during those three months

- 6 months have gone by since, and I just found out that she is seeing someone else; my friend saw them together at the mall holding hands, and once she saw me friend, she turned around and fled

 

 

At this point, although it doesn't hurt AS BAD as it did before, it still stings. I've realized I'm a little more immune to things because I've already been presented like four times with the scenario WHAT IF she's seeing someone else and so that heartache isn't so bad anymore. But I'm really having trouble moving on and getting over her, regardless of the fact that she has been completely reckless with my heart. If I were her priority, she wouldn't have danced with that guy, nor befriended him in the wake of our breakup to a point where I'd obviously catch on, etc. I actually don't think she's the nicest person, as she's always had a chip on her shoulder being young, beautiful and rich.

 

I just want to know what I can do to move on and what sort of MINDSET I should have in order to move on. Up until now, I've had 'hope' that she'd realize what she gave up and come back, but now that I've been confronted with the situation that she has actually moved on and is seeing someone else, I'm sort of overwhelmed. What should I be THINKING and DOING in order to REALIZE that it's OVER? What tactics have you all undertaken in order to fully accept that the relationship is not stalled or on hold, but actually FINISHED? I enjoy not having to look over my shoulder anymore to see what she's up to, nor worry about trust and she's no longer my "obligation" but I still miss her, in the most basic, puppy love kind of way. Thanks for all your advice, sorry for the read.

[Learning2Fly]

I am sorry that you are going through this. I don't know of anything that will end the pain however; I have found that time like these are a good to ramp up your exercise program. Feeling good about yourself is very powerful medicine. In addition, DO NOT sit around and listen to sad songs on the radio - in another words, do what you have to to keep from dwelling on what might have been. If you are healthy and moving on - she might ralize what she had. Of course it may be too late as you may be the one who has moved on.

Good Luck!

[moosarm]

Thanks for your reply,

 

 

Yeah, I've been working out extensively, paying a little more attention to how I dress, etc, and it all helps.

I just have those up and down moods I guess, like everyone - those relapses where one day you're FINE and other days you're a mess.