a friendship in deep trouble (if not gone)

[Innotech]

Well, this is a very sensitive sore subject for me right now. I just went through sort of a LDR, but it turned out to be one sided. She (Ill call her star, because to me she iwll always be a beautiful shining star no matter how how she feels about me back) has always been independent,. but little did I know, when she said she loved me, she was kidding herself, she was certainly TRYING to love, but it just didnt work because of her inability to love in a romantic way .

Somehow we still remained friends through it all, until one day, star had this hatred for one of my friends( Ill call her helen to save her identity). I couldnt even guess WHY she would hater her so much, but star said it had somehting to do with what helen did to another of my friends (helens husband, Ill call him joe) Well Ive always had the affinity to want to hlep people. I enjoy it, its just osmething I do, its my personailty. I dont haste people It led me to try to find out WHAT helen did to piss off star so bad. Well I told star if she didnt tell me Id have ot ask Joe because I just have ot find out. However for osme reason or other, Star (who I really do love unconditionally despite her hatred of me) saw my statement there as both a betrayal to Joe and a threat, which I really didnt ever think of it as that, I just wanted to find out about if Joe was OK, because he's a friend of mine also and I was worried about how he was taking this. However in my foolish attempt to help Joe I really somehow hurt Star

 

Now I have decided to back off for a while and not speak to her for at least 3 months, but I love her so much, for one example , I accepted the breakup because she is happier alone and I want her to be happy even at my expense. However I just cant live with not ever speaking to her again.

 

please give me advice on how I can fix htis. I am truly sorry I did it, it was to me a misunderstanding of intention. I could never hate star either. Joe on the other hand doesnt hate me at all. he knows I wanted to help him he says I should have just asked him without telling Star I would. I feel like I ruined a friendship with someone I love dearly. It really hurts.

[Turboz]

Hi

 

This happens countless times to the innocent folk like you and me who "Just want to help". You want my advice? - Next time just stay out of it and keep clear. Don't take sides, don't threaten to ask the other side, just stay out of it.

 

If you get involved and try to patch things up for them it's going to get you hurt. People don't appreciate others getting involved in their troubles.

 

This may be a simple example:

A doesn't like B because B won't share the sweets around.

C comes along and tells them to stop being stupid and to share them. Whilst they consider it, C also says that he'd like a sweet to and that gets B's back up but A still remains friendly with C.

 

You see where I'm going with this?

 

Let other people's arguments take their natural course. Don't interferewith them or you are going to be artificially trying to fix a situation when nature has a course to run on it's own.

 

I accepted this a long time ago and I've been a lot happier for it. Trying to fix other people's arguments only ever gets them in trouble no matter how good the intentions are.

 

If you want to know what you can do to salvage your friendship with Star then I can only say there's not much you can do. I suppose you could try contacting her and reassuring her that you meant no harm but if she's mad at you then it sounds to me like she's not going to even give that plea for forgiveness a 2nd thought. You could try the "Snap out of it" approach, but that should be used with extreme caution and if she's really acting like a child.

 

My personal feelings are give up on Star. you know she doesn't feel anything for you so why are you continuing to chase her? - If it's the eventual hope that she'll change her mind and decide your wonderful don't bother. She's made it clear thats not happening.

 

I also have to ask the following question (I may be onto the wrong idea here so forgive me..). Why does STAR care so much about Helen's husband? - Have you ever heard of love triangles????

As I said that could stir up more trouble than it's worth asking, but it's something to consider - especially if Star has gone way OTT about the whole thing.

 

I wish you luck trying to repair your friendship with STAR, but don't hold your breath. You also can't chase after this woman for the rest of your life if she's not interested so continue to keep your eyes open for others.

[Innotech]

I gave up on ever being with star. That reason being she doesnt want to be with any guy at all. Period. she wants to be aone. however I just wanted to remain friends with her, because she for a itme made me the happiest guy on Earth and indeed she at least used to bring joy to everyone. She is still I believe a very outgoing person.

As forl ove triangle, dont bet on it, like I said hses not interested. shes just friends with him.

 

a little background on her. It may explain why hse is so jaded aboutl ife ot htis day. Well when she was younger, she wanted to ice skate. she was dman good at it. then one day it all came crahsing down, literally and she ruined her back. She landed in a hospital and basically lost hte one hting she ever truly wanted to do.

 

when I first heard about htis it broke my heart. It really did. Id sacrifice myself if it meant hse could skate gaain and be happyl ike she was.

Man I dont know I just cant never tlak to her gaain. I cant just drop herl ike hse never existed. Its too hard, it hurts too much.