Help, i'm hurting so bad. 2 years since the breakup. I see her and back to square one

[RayKay]

Actually, this is only partly correct. Though a women may have some pelvic widening after giving birth, and some breast changes, working out and eating a healthy diet can bring a woman's body back to a great shape after childbirth. Our bodies, muscles and skin amazingly elastic and able to return to pre pregnancy shape and size.

 

I so agree with Hope here, I know some women whom have given birth to 3 or 4 children and look absolutely amazing, from a healthy diet and lifestyle. My mum included. I aim to be the same when I have my own children. Sure there are some changes, such as the wider hips, and maybe stretch marks that don't go away, but you CAN regain most of your shape again after birth. I have seen it with my own eyes through my friends and teammates. And for those minor changes that may stick around? Well, for me the trade off of a child would be more then worth a couple stretch marks. Most men I know and have talked to find their partners beautiful during and after pregnancy, and it is true, you do have a difference to you afterwards, but not just physical.

 

GreekGoddess, you seem to have a very skewed view on the dynamic partnership men and women can have in a relationship. It is not about giving up power, or sacrificing power. Every relationship has it's own unique balance, and sure sometimes one may earn more (not necessarily the man either, I have a few friends where the woman is making more), work more, give birth, or whatever, but that does not mean that one holds power over the other. I don't need to have my man "fight for me" to know I am loved and appreciated, respected and adored by him. He chooses everyday to be with me, I choose everyday to be with him. Is that not a sign of that commitment? I think using "tests" to see if they will fight for you is low and disrespectful. It erodes the trust, and balance of the relationship. It is very unhealthy and the result will often be the opposite of what you are trying to accomplish.

 

Why should the wife "win"? Why is it something to win? If you say you let small children win, by letting the wife/woman win, is that not saying really she is only allowed to "win" as she is more fragile? Power given to "placate" someone is not true power at all. Power comes from within, and true strength and power does not come at the expense of others, or your relationship.

 

Relationships are not about whom wins, or loses. In a healthy relationship really, you BOTH should be winning...together.

[greekgoddess]

Actually, this is only partly correct. Though a women may have some pelvic widening after giving birth, and some breast changes, working out and eating a healthy diet can bring a woman's body back to a great shape after childbirth. Our bodies, muscles and skin amazingly elastic and able to return to pre pregnancy shape and size.

 

May I ask how many children you have?

[greekgoddess]

I've never met someone who has seen so many women naked who have given birth. After you have kids any woman lookf good with clothes on but tell me how many you have personally seen stark naked. Wait til you have kids. So many women don't know how your body really changes because most women don't expose themselves after having kids. How do you know they didn'thave surgery? that's naive.

[RayKay]

Um, I know they did not have surgery because I know them. That does not make me naive, these are close friends/family whom would tell me. One of my best friends whom had her baby was back to pre-pregnancy shape within a few months.

 

I have seen two of them actually - my mother frequently both as a child and more recently I have seen her while in hospital prior to mastectomy's. I have also talked to her about it - for her, her breasts stayed larger after children but that is all.

 

And, there are indeed women whom show their bodies after children, or while pregnant. Demi Moore and Jenni McCarthy come to mind. I also know many mothers whom regularly wear bikini's on the beach, and you would not be able to tell they had children unless they pulled out the baby pictures. You see a lot when they wear a bikini, that exposes a good amount!

 

I never said your body would be identical - as I said hips change, skin can change, but it does not mean the rest of your life will be spent being dumpy or saggy. Muscle tone comes in handy for that area. The fitter you are pre and during pregnancy, the fitter you will also be after.

[michelemybell]

Hey everyone, let's try to help RayF here and leave the arguments about what a woman's body looks like after childbearing to another thread!!!

 

RayF, I went through a similar experience and it's going to take a lot of time and soul searching to get to the other side. I think one of the earlier posters hit it right on the nail when he said that if you put so much emphasis on a relationship, you are always going to be sad. I even think if you were with your ex right now, you'd eventually become depressed because she has flaws and can't be the miracle cure. I think you haven't let go of idealizing her. I wish we all had the opportunity to either be with our exes again or be a fly on the wall in their life and find out what we SHOULDN'T be missing!!! It's that dang idealizing we can't let go until of course, we find someone new. And then the cycle starts all over again. LOL

 

I know you've heard this one million times before, but try to hang in there. As another poster said, this is the time to start over and make yourself into something even more fabulous. I have to say that between the time my ex broke it off with me and right now, these years has been the most life changing time in my entire life. I came to the conclusion that this one person is not going to ruin me. And if they are having fun (and who knows if they really are) then we deserve the same happiness.

[greekgoddess]

You don't beleiev Demi Moore or Jenny Mc Carthy had surgery? You have no idea. I know people who have had surgery who's family does not know. Not even their husbands. HA! Well, don't say I didn't warn you after you have your first kid. Getting back to prepregnancy is impossible. ask anyone who's had a kid. even celebs who look great admit this. but you must be "special" because that won't happen to you. you'll get your prepreg body back in two months. LOL! I'm not trying to insult you but that what EVERY woman thinks before she has a baby. do you know how many stories I've heard from nurses who've delivered? I thought that way too but you really won't know until you have them and you see for yourself.

[greekgoddess]

I didn't start this as a gender argument. I stated my opinions and other people turned it into one. I find it funny these women trying to argue about giving birth with some one who actually has given birth when they haven't. Are they really trying to argue that I can have my body back with diet and exercise? WOW! That's news to me. Thanks for enlightening me. Now would you like to share how I go about doing that? How you got YOUR prebaby body back? No they can't. They don't even have kids. so how can they begin to argue this? I think they want to argue for arguments sake.

 

Any how, I related to the thread because of what I'm going through. What I have trouble understanding is if you didn't really love your ex why is it affecting you so much. Doesn't that mean you really did love your ex? I mean so many people here talk about how hard it is to get over their ex but they also say they didn't love them? That's confusing to me. I have broken up with people and it never got that bad for me and I was able to move on fine.

 

I have a question. Do you change your mind and decide not to love your ex just because you broke up or did you not love your ex in the first place? How do you know? I mean would it have made a difference if you knew they still loved you and wanted you back? Would that effect your decision as to whether you loved them? Most people say why should I love them if they don't love me. It sounds like a lot of people here stop loving some one once they feel that the other person doesn't love them anymore. I felt this way too but I cannot stop loving my ex no matter what.

[RayKay]

You don't beleiev Demi Moore or Jenny Mc Carthy had surgery? You have no idea. I know people who have had surgery who's family does not know. Not even their husbands. HA! Well, don't say I didn't warn you after you have your first kid. Getting back to prepregnancy is impossible. ask anyone who's had a kid. even celebs who look great admit this. but you must be "special" because that won't happen to you. you'll get your prepreg body back in two months. LOL! I'm not trying to insult you but that what EVERY woman thinks before she has a baby. do you know how many stories I've heard from nurses who've delivered? I thought that way too but you really won't know until you have them and you see for yourself.

 

No, I never said they didn't, I was refuting your claim most women won't show their body afterwards. I also enjoy how you picked out those two, and ignored the other comments about other women I know whom do show their bodies.

 

Well, I can guarantee my friends or mother whom I am talking about did NOT have surgery. They have changes, but they are not "bad" changes. It does not define whom they are.

 

I never said I would get it back in two months, so it's nice of you to put words in my mouth and all. But I DO know that there is no excuse to remain overweight for example after having children, not if you work hard at it. Women go through body changes when they gain weight as well, or develop/mature. Does that mean they can't have the best body possible for them? Nope. Does anyone say you will get the identical body back? Nope, but that does not mean it's a bad body. There are many absolutely beautiful mothers out there, even if they have some scars or wider hips or changed breasts. What makes the pre-pregnancy body automatically better then the one post-pregnancy? There are many women whom end up being in better shape and health AFTER pregnancy than they ever were before it. You can pick up any Fitness/Self magazine and find stories of women whom transformed themselves after having babies, to be in the best shape they ever were.

 

How many times did I say there were some changes - like the hips widening, or stretch marks, however that does not mean you cannot have a great body by any means. Whether you have children or not, you can still have a great body without surgery.

 

Hope is a nurse whom has done rotations in Labour & Delivery, yet apparently her comments were not valid enough for you...I have also been present in the labour room at the birth of my best friends child. so no matter how many mothers we know whom do look great, do have their prepregnancy weight back and did not have surgery, I guess it matters not anyway because based on YOUR experience, that is the only experience that is valid.

 

Maybe I am naive, but if I am naive that hard work can help me have the best fitness/health for ME, then so be it - and I have had battles with my body after a long history of anorexia your body rebels and holds on to weight. I was able to overcome that and I am very pleased, even with my imperfections. Fitness and a great body is about more then fitting some "standard". It's about being healthy and strong, even if you do have a couple extra scars, changed breasts or wider hips then you did before.

[RayKay]

Hey everyone, let's try to help RayF here and leave the arguments about what a woman's body looks like after childbearing to another thread!!!

 

Agreed, I did not even look at the first page of the thread and realize it was so off topic, thanks michele

 

Sorry Ray, no more tangents from me.

[greekgoddess]

There is no way you are going to understand how your body will change until you actually go through the changes. It's not just widening of your hips or a few stretchmarks or gaining weight for that matter. I am not overweight. I weigh less that I did before I had my kids. Your belly does not just magically bounce back and though your skin does have elasticity once it is streched out by a baby it stays strectched out. There is no such thing as it bouncing back. the women you've seen who have flat stomachs have had surgery. If you don't believe me ask anyone who has had gastric bypass or lost a great deal of weight. (and the average weight gain for a pregnant women is over 35 lbs.)Their skin stays strecthed out after they lose the weight. I'm not saying you cannot have a good body. I have a great body but there are other things you will see that happens (that's too personal to mention here) after you have a baby that reduces your desirability and sexualty.

 

I have a few relatives who are doctors and there are still things yet they do not know about having kids because they haven't had one yet. The textbooks only say so much but many were written by male doctors so how would they know? My OB GYN never told me anything to expect after delivery. he didn't warn me about what I would go through but then how could he? he didn't even have a kid himself. all he could do was regurgitate what he learned in med school. It doesn't matter who you are or what you do. IF you have never had a kid then you cannot tell me what it is or how it's going to be like. I can only tell you what my experience has been. that is true. but you have had absolute no experience in this matter and no having friends who have kids or knowing people with kids does not qualify as first hand knowlegde. I knew people with kids and yes I have a mother but I was just as naive as you are now.

[RayKay]

Skin is elastic, whether it returns or not to it's previous shape depends largely on genetics, and pregnancy health. If you are of healthy weight, most of your pregnancy gain will be related to the child and to extra fluids, overall you should gain only a small extra amount in hips/stomach, of course there will be stretching, but how your skin returns does depend on your genetics as well as other factors.

 

Both my best friend, and my mother, had their stomachs return to normal within 6 months to a year after birth by a combination of breastfeeding, diet and exercise - and genetics. Of course, since it comes from me, maybe I will get them to sign on so it can be "firsthand knowledge", but until now, you just have to take my word for it that I have seen their bellies and know they did not have surgery after childbirth! My mum has now had surgery though to reconstruct her breasts after mastectomy, where they took additional tissue from stomach, but they were unable to make very large breasts as she did not have much (this would be 20 years after having her last child though). And she had to walk over hunched over for a couple weeks as her skin was stretched SO tight over the area...however before the surgery her tummy was quite flat, a little extra weight from chemo effects and not being able to workout much since she started, but not excess skin or anything. That being said, I don't know how anyone would "hide" a tummytuck - it is rather painful, drastic surgery. I know a couple people from dance classes whom had it done and they were immobile for a good amount of time as they healed.

 

For the record, I do know a couple people whom have lost tremendous amounts of weight (ie over 100 lbs). One of them has had several surgeries to remove excess skin (she has had them for her back, thighs, butt, stomach and has a couple more ahead of her). The other did not have to have that done though it took about three more years after the weight loss for the skin to "shrink". These both were of course with extreme amounts of weight loss. Pregnancy weight gain and loss should not be "extreme". So, again, genetics has a lot to do with individual experiences.

 

But I think we should just agree that we disagree, or are arguing different points, and let Ray have his thread back.

[greekgoddess]

I don't know of single case where a woman has breastdef (skin streches when you produce milk thereforeeee increasing the size of the breast) and her breasts have "bounced back" to their previous size. Once the milk is gone the extra skin is still there but sags...ask your friends because if they say they breasts are the same shape then they've eith had surgery or are lying. Ask any doctor. anyways it's pointless. what makes your friend more credible than me? we are two different people. I could believ it if I spoke directly to her or to someone with experience. You are saying exactly the same things I thought when I had no experience either...

[RayKay]

I NEVER said "breasts bounce back". You are again putting words in my mouth. I even said my mother said her breasts changed quite a bit, increasing in size permanently. I also NEVER said they stayed the same shape, ever. You are pulling things from nowhere just to argue, when I have already said several times, your experience is yours, and I do believe that is your experience. But that does not mean everyone goes through the same thing, nor does it mean your post pregnancy body must be "worse" then your pre-pregnancy body. The changes do not need be thought of as negative - rather they should be cherished as part of what happened as you created that life inside you and gave birth.

 

Nor did I ever say my friends were more credible, but I don't think on that note your experience is any more credible than theirs. That is my whole point, it is individual as to what someone's experience is.

 

Women are the biggest critics of their own body, and really we should be the biggest praisers of them. My entire point was that those changes don't have to be negative, or considered "sacrifices", they are part of what gave your child life, right? So, why do we threaten women will "never get their body back" as if that is not still their body? It IS their body, and a beautiful one, and they can do the best with it they can.

[greekgoddess]

You are right. You and I both know it doesn't matter but try telling that to men. You cannot deny that women are more often jugded by appearances and have to work harder to keep up appearances. It gets harder after having children. That's all I said. When you get a divorce in your 30's, with children, after being a housewife who gave up your career to stay home with the kids. You are anot in the same position as the man who never had to give up as much in the same relationship. I said women sacrifice more. I didn't say they DO more or are BETTER. I simply said they have to sacrifice more and then people turned it into a discussion on gender. There is more at stake for a women when she chooses a partner. That's why she has to choose carefully. IT gets harder to meet men if your relationship doesn't work out if you have a kid. You cannot deny that there are alot of men out there who view a woman with a kid as a negative.

[RayKay]

You are right. You and I both know it doesn't matter but try telling that to men. You cannot deny that women are more often jugded by appearances and have to work harder to keep up appearances. It gets harder after having children. That's all I said. When you get a divorce in your 30's, with children, after being a housewife who gave up your career to stay home with the kids. You are anot in the same position as the man who never had to give up as much in the same relationship. I said women sacrifice more. I didn't say they DO more or are BETTER. I simply said they have to sacrifice more and then people turned it into a discussion on gender. There is more at stake for a women when she chooses a partner.

 

I do agree it is harder, especially since less of your time is your own anymore. Sometimes it seems I am sure to become anyone's time BUT your own!

 

I do agree on many points, I think more often women are the ones whom are carrying the burden of motherhood along with the rest of their life. I certainly don't think ALL men shed responsibility, but there are definitely some. My father left my mother when she was 27 and 7 months pregnant with her third child. He had cheated on her several times and ran away with the mistress, and since then has been very much an absent father. She had also given up her teaching desires to stay at home with us, since my dad was on road so much for work. After he left, she went back to work full time AND school full time to get a better job and to keep us in our family home. It certainly for her did mean she "gave up more", though in the end she gained more too...she was the one whom raised us and saw us grow. I am sure at time my dad did not want responsibility, but ultimately he ended up sacrificing ever really knowing his kids. She in the end gained more. She also met my stepfather whom was thrilled to be with her, and accept us three kids as his own, and they have been together 20+ years and he has been by her side through good and bad. So there are men out there whom take on additional responsibilities of children they definitely don't have too.

 

I do think there are many relationships with much more partnership, when it comes to raising children, and whom stays at home, or does what with their job for example, but there is definitely more of a risk if a woman DOES end up with the partner that does NOT share this responsibility that she will be the one making those sacrifices.

[RayKay]

Ray,

 

I think it is important to let the past be in the past. Easier to say then do, I know, but I think what you had in the past is something you need to learn from, carry forward into your future and your future relationships.

 

A lot of life, is really about timing. It sounds like the timing was not right then. If you met her now would things be different? Maybe not, because maybe you would not have learned those valuable lessons you did then to apply now.

 

I had a boyfriend whom messed up with me in high school, dated someone else for the past 10 years, but always wondered about me, whether I was the one. Of course I moved on long ago, but we ran into one another a while ago, and talked, and he realized how much time he had spent wondering "what if?" instead of thinking "what next?". And guess what, not long after he left his girlfriend, healed and a few months later met the most amazing woman for him and is very happy. I am not but a distant memory.

 

I don't think you necessarily stop loving someone, but I think you can love, and move on, and have them in your past. As long as you continue to hold onto believe they were the only one, and the only one you will love, you will fulfill your own prophecy. You must accept that you WILL love again, someone new, and amazing. It might not be today, or tomorrow, but when the time is right, and you truly are ready (meaning not wondering what if) things will happen.

 

RayKay

[greekgoddess]

I think what you say is true but there is a difference between someone being "the one" and being "the best one." It's sounds like you were his best gf and that's why he held onto you until the next best thing came along. then he forgot you. When you find "the one" you never forget... so, maybe most people confusing the 2 like in romeo and juliet. romeo thought Rosanna was "the one" until Juliet came along. In my theory the way to tell the difference is "Would you love them and want to be with them no matter what? and I mean NO MATTER WHAT...including if they cheated on you, told you lies, and so forth. So many people say they love their spouses no matter what but not many really mean it. As soon as that person cheats or lies they head for the door. I think that if my ex cheated or lied or anything I would still love him and want him. That's how I know he was "the one" Some people say they would take a spouse back after they cheated and people call them crazy but I've always thoguht wow that person must really love them even if they may not deserve it. And for any other guy I KNOW I would be out the door but for this man I would love him no matter what he did.

[RayKay]

Well, whom knows what my ex thinks. Personally, I think even Ray may find in the future he finds his "Juliet"..maybe this last girl was his "Rosanna"?

 

I think when someone is "the one" it includes them believing YOU are as well. And I think if someone cheats on you, lies to you or hurts you, it automatically makes them NOT the one. How many women whom are physically abused stay as they are convinced that person is the "one" for them, that they love them no matter what? Do you believe the one would hurt you like that? How is emotional abuse (ie cheating, verbal abuse) any better? It isn't. One may risk your life more directly, but even emotional abuse can crush you.

 

And for the record, I AM with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I know he feels the same. And for both of us that means also treating one another with respect and love. I have had some "bad relationships" too, and I can say that sacrificing your identity or compromising your morals, or allowing them to hurt you basically is a good clue they are not the one.

 

Being with "the one" should not have you sacrificing your own worth and value to be with them. Often I think when people take people back after that it is more out of fear. Sometimes the partners do decide to work things through together, but often it's a case of one not being ready to be on their own...not because their partner is the one, but because they have lost themselves. Sometimes they deem the other person is the "one" and love the other person so much, yet have forgotten to love themself. And that is not partnership, or the kind of love I at least want for myself.

 

The thing about the one is....they should accept you, and love you completely for whom you are, and be as equally committed to the relationship as you are as well. Cheating on you and thereby putting you at emotional and physical risk is not putting your interest, or your relationship, as a priority or treating either with respect and love.

 

Everyone can make their own choices when it comes to relationships, but for me, someone whom intentionally hurts me is not someone whom deserves me, and is not any "one" I would ask for myself.

 

Maybe rather than cheating and lies, "no matter what" should relate to someone whom is there, and you for them, through the hardships life throws at you. Life can be tough enough sometime with illnesses, stress, children - your relationship should be that safe place to be, not one that brings you more pain. I would love my partner whether he was healthy, sick, strong, weak, rich, poor...but I would choose not to have in in my life if he intentionally were to hurt me, or sabotage the relationship. My love would not be lost for him, but I would not allow myself to be treated that way.

[BONO]

Well said X

 

Scruff

[greekgoddess]

I believe just because your partner cheats doesn't mean they aren't "the one." that's like saying that if some one cheats on you that automatically means they don't love you. It's complicated. there are many reasons why people cheat that has nothing to do with love. They might have been weak, drunk, manipulated and so forth. you just don't know. so to say that you automatically will break it off if your partner cheats means that you weren't "the one" for him because if you were you'd be able to love them even if they cheated. I bet 95% of the people would leave their spouses if they found out they cheated. that mean 95% of the people here don't love their spouses no matter what. They aren't with "the one." and their love is conditional. under the conditions you make.

 

Ponder this: If your spouse were in a car accident and became a parapalegic would you be able to stay in the relationship for the rest of your life? Many could not. I know that if this person was my ex I could. That's how I know he is 'the one." Some of the best times in my life were with this man. Moments I treasure and will never forget. He has already given me so much enough to make me appreciate it for a lifetime that it would not matter if we never could do another thing together as long as I was with him and remembered what we'd been through.

 

Don't get me wrong. Cheating is bad and I'm not encouraging it or any other types of bad behavior. I'm saying that most people seek not just love but unconditonal love. Unconditional love is much more rare and that only comes without conditions. without any strings attached what so ever.

[ComputerGuy]

They might have been weak, drunk, manipulated and so forth. you just don't know. so to say that you automatically will break it off if your partner cheats means that you weren't "the one" for him because if you were you'd be able to love them even if they cheated. I bet 95% of the people would leave their spouses if they found out they cheated. that mean 95% of the people here don't love their spouses no matter what. They aren't with "the one." and their love is conditional. under the conditions you make.

 

Being drunk or "manipulated" or weak is a coppout. I have been VERY drunk before and even then you couldn't even get me to hold another girls hand because I had a g/f at the time. Manipulated is a load of crap, no one FORCED them to say yes - if they did that's called rape, not cheating. And weak? That is also an excuse, if you are too weak to show basic respect how can you possibly love someone. If you love someone you show them respect - you can respect someone without loving them, you can't love someone without respecting them. Being "the one" means the person for you, your other half, the person that makes you as happy as you make them. How in the HELL is someone flat out disrespecting you by cheating or whatever and using some copput excuse make them the one? Referring to anyone as the one when they treat you with such disrespect doesn't mean you "love them" more than someone who would have left them. It means you're too insecure to respect yourself.

 

 

 

Ponder this: If your spouse were in a car accident and became a parapalegic would you be able to stay in the relationship for the rest of your life? Many could not. I know that if this person was my ex I could. That's how I know he is 'the one." Some of the best times in my life were with this man. Moments I treasure and will never forget. He has already given me so much enough to make me appreciate it for a lifetime that it would not matter if we never could do another thing together as long as I was with him and remembered what we'd been through.

 

Yes, I could, and that is in no way related to cheating. How is an accident that someone had no control over and not something deliberately done that will knowingly hurt you comparable to someone willingly going out and sleeping with someone else. I say willingly because if they weren't willing they were raped. If they werent reaped they were willing. That simple.

[Royltnxile]

As soon as that person cheats or lies they head for the door. I think that if my ex cheated or lied or anything I would still love him and want him.

 

And why the h*ll wouldn't they "head for the door"?, no matter how much they loved them "unconditionally"? Ever heard of something called dignity and self-respect? A person who cheats and lies to you doesn't love you, and isn't worthy of being the object of your love anymore. Why? Because they have proven themselves non-worthy via their behavior.

 

Greek - I've read through this thread and have come to the conclusion that you are very bitter towards men. Also, the whole pregnancy discussion I found laughable. I'm dating a woman who has had 3 kids, is 47 years old, and who has a very nice body. Get over the fact that you aren't going to always look like you did when you were 18 years old, kids or no kids!

 

I think you have made alot of crazy generalizations on this thread which have a very limited factual base, especially the part about "power" in the relationship, and the wrongly perceived notion that men and women are "uneqaul". Are you living in the 1950's??????

 

Break up with a guy, then see if he chases you? Yeah, that makes alot of sense. The emotional whack job ex who brought me to these boards did that to me. She's got lots of issues. After she panicked and flaked out on me over the phone on Valentines Day last year I got the vibe that she expected me to chase her. I kept my dignity and showed neither anger or neediness. Just told her I cared and that I didn't want it to end. A few weeks later she was calling me like crazy, but never could come out and say "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, lets get together and talk". Instead it was like she was hoping I was going to say those thing - and I had done nothing to apologize for. Crazy b**ch still calls me and doesn't leave messages to this day, 15 months later. I held the door open to her for months, without chasing her, just dropping a gentle reminder here and there that I was around. She flaked out on me, so I saw it as being up to her to fix things. She hasn't, I'm with someone else, I have no clue what she is up to. I still love her though...but no way I was going to "chase" and kiss her azz after the shabby treatment she handed me out of the blue. When I read your first post I really started wondering if what you say is true, and that maybe I should have chased her back then? Maybe she is pining for me in the back of her mind, but then again, if she was, she knows how to get ahold of me...and I think that's they only way to play it when someone craps all over you.

 

BTW...Avman and RayKay, you guys ROCK!

[RayF]

Thanks so much for the replies guys.

 

Raykay I think one of my biggest fears is to end up worndering "what if" for 10 years.

 

I'm just thinking. That all the girls I'm meeting aren't living up to par. And it's not because of the pedistool I put her on per se (more on that a bit later).

 

Mostly, it's because they really aren't. I've tried different types and i know what my type is now, someone like her. Maybe not her exactly. If it had been us in 5 years i know it would have worked out. the thing is we had to experience eachother to know what our personal weaknesses were in orderto overcome them. It's the sad twist unfortunately.

 

I have to believe there are more women out there, maybe my sphere is too limited to meet the right type of women? I do find it hard.

 

I was talking to one of my real close female friends and she thinks that because time hasn't healed all wounds, i should start to activly look for someone else. But we all kniw how that well works you never find when you look.

 

I tried lavalife agian for the hell of it this week, and i forgot how crappy that site made me feel. I don't know if i'm picking bad pictures of myself or what because in my day to day life i'm usually getting all sorts of glances or signs of interest, even pickup attempts from girls. But not nearly as many smiles back on lavalife.

 

But i do know the ratio of girls to guys there is not even. I've heard girls get like 30 smiles a day. I'm getting like 2 or 3 on a good day. Some days none.

 

Like i mentioned a bit above, a lot of people think i'm idealizing this relationship. I may be, but i doubt i'd ever have broken up with her, i knew i was lucjy and she told me she knew she was lucky, even the day she broke up with me she said it. The thing is, she left me feeling like she was always inadequte to me, and while further from the truth, somehow i made her feel that way. She totally loved me but couldn't handle my moodiness (which i've since then compleatly turned around, one hgood thing to come out of this) . TYhat being said it was my own self esteem issues and negativity that chased her away, so naturally, i should be being positive here right? Live and learn?

 

I've gotten so much better, but alll in all... i'm still not seeing how i'll ever meet anyone who will be right for me. That and i'm still missing that girl so much. I totally miss having her in my life because she was a really special person. I just knew that if i alowed her to remain in my life my pain would have lingered even more.