What is going on?

[bcmb55]

Hey. I've posted about my situation before but to give ya a run down here it is.

 

During the 4 months since our break up we've gone from talking everyday, to talking less, to not at all, and now currently, for almost a month now, everyday contact again. Let it be known she broke up with me, she was stressed and our relationship was hurting so something had to give.

 

My confusion is this: Why would someone go from NC to contact multiple times daily? And it's really not me who starts talking to her. She's making the effort to call, text, IM, meet up, etc. Now I still have feelings for this girl. She on the other hand doesn't have romantic interest anymore or she is good at hiding it. Personally, I think it's the later. She does slip up and show signs of interest, and if she's making the effort to be in touch with me all the time wouldn't you think that she's interested in starting up again? What is she thinking here? Does she want to work it out or not?

 

I'd like to see things work out, but the situation I'm in is pretty uncomfortable.

It doesn't seem to go anywhere and it's hot and cold. I can't handle being friends when there are still strong feelings. Plus, I couldn't be comfortable as her friend since she doesn't treat me as one. She keeps feelings from me yet talks to me more than any of her other friends. It's like she's in between or something. I would think if she wouldn't wan't a friendship either cause it'll never be a good one but she keeps talking to me, makes me think she's looking for something else.

 

How do I proceed? Give it more time and see if anything comes of it and if not then let it go? I want to talk to her about but right now is a bad time (we're both in college and it's finals time). Maybe wait to talk til the semester is done? Cut her off now and see how she reacts (tough to do when she talks to me daily)? I don't know. Most of all, what is she doing?

[Phoenix69]

Ask her straight up. WHAT DO YOU WANT? It sux still having contact with someone you care about very much, when you don't even know where yuo stand. If she answers with "I don't know, or I am confused" start NC straight away. Theres nothing like a bit of No Contact for someone head to sudden;y become very clear! Read some of my posts about my ex. I got him back by starting NC staright after he dumped me. I think my situation is proof that NC works wonders when you actually stick at it...

[heloladies21]

She's confused about the way she feels about you. That's why you get this on/off behavior. The reason she's keeping in touch is to keep her options open. Since you said you still have feelings for her, here's what to do:

 

The next time she calls you, lay it all on the line. Let her know you want to work at a relationship or nothing at all. If she agrees, great. But if not, then you have to cut contact so she can have the time on her own to reflect and decide what she wants once and for all. She wil not decide if you stay in touch after this talk though.

 

What you're doing right now won't bring her back. Any kind of friends, friends with benefits, or anything else less than being in an exclusive relationship will just make her drop you one day and you will get hurt 100x more as a result.

 

You can wait till finals is over if this will be too much of a distraction. You can cut contact until finals are over if she is too distracting. Whatever it takes to keep your school on point. If you just wanna get this off your chest so you can concentrate on school, do that. It's up to you.

[bcmb55]

Good avice but few more questions. Obviously she's confused, but confused on about what? About getting back together or not? Maybe it's a comfort zone thing, is she just looking for some comfort?

 

Granted these are answers only she truly knows but guesses based on experience are welcome. To clarify, there is no physcial contact going on either.

 

And in regards to the waiting until finals end possibility. Is there a way I could be acting in the mean time that could improve the situation until I can focus on it and talk to her?

[heloladies21]

The way you act till the conversation won't really impact the situation at all. Less would probably be better just so you can concentrate on work.

 

As far as her confusion, she's confused about whether she wants to be with you or not. I don't get the sense she's looking for comfort. She just wants to keep the option of being with you open.

[bcmb55]

I know this seems like wishful thinking, but is it possible that she started coming around within the last few weeks to get a feel of what she may want and is waiting til the end of the semester to act on those feelings? Maybe like she wants back together and knows I'll be around after the semester but doesn't want to kick it up a notch til then so she can focus on what's important at the moment?

[heloladies21]

No, that's not the way she's thinking. If that were the case, then you wouldn't see any cold behavior in the hot/cold, it would just be hot. I've seen this happen a lot and the only way you're going to get her to make up her mind is to address the issue like i suggested.

[bcmb55]

Point taken. Find out soon enough. Game plan from here is pretty much stick it out through finals (don't need the possibile rejection overhead for the next week), then just have a straight up talk with her. One way or the other it'll get me out of this irritating situation. Don't want to lose her but can't be her friend, tough position but I gotta move on, with or without. Any other suggestions or thoughts?

[bcmb55]

So anyways. Just a little updated info on my situation. We were hanging out and just talking, somehow we got on the topic of us and feelings. Nothing deep at all , I tried to hold in anything I'd really wanted to say and she was cold to the idea as well but nonetheless things were said. I said something to like "I think you're confused on how you feel about me." and she replied with, "No, you just want to think that because I don't feel the way you want me to feel about you.". That was the end of that really and just brushed it off, I had a bunch of things to do. Point is I held back from saying what I really want to say. I'm wondering if saying anything at all is a good idea. Just bringing up the subject doesn't seem to help and we both are believers in actions over words. I'd say in this case her actions are different than what she said. I did feel a bit hurt to here that but I dont think I truly believe her.

 

Is this denial or should I think about what she's doing over what's she's saying?

 

Overall I'm reconsidering my position on the situation. I'm thinking just let it be . She knows how I feel so why tell her again? Just hang back and let her come to me.

 

Sound like a decent idea or not?