Friends With Benefits

[Batya33]

I think it can work with two people who are very honest with themselves about what the interaction is and is not - and honest with each other - where both people enjoy having sex with each other and do not get emotionally involved. Those people have to value sexual needs above all else. And "work" is relative - work as far as not getting hurt - sure I think it can -- work as far as two happy, fulfilled satisfied people - that might be asking too much.

[bachinit]

I had a 6 year FWB relationship with a woman and it was understood from the start by both parties. We would do things together a lot but didn't expect love from one another. It worked out fine for us, neither got too attached to the other, but she started to gain quite a bit of weight and was embarrassed by it (I didn't have a problem w/it) so the sex stopped. We still remain friends though.

[ocrob]

Hi EH,

 

I can't say that you are wrong, but I went a day without talking to this woman and she asked to see me today. It was an awesome day. I may be completely a booty call, but it was great. She may not be into me, but she sure was today. lol I do get what you were saying, but I hate the games. You said she was not into me and I can't deny that, but why would she see me today? Women can have sex with so many guys, but she decided to come to me today. I know many women and they would not just do that. It's all good and I had a good time. If she is not into me, then I am having fun with someone that is not into me. lol

[Batya33]

I would think that means this is not working as a friends with benefits because there is a lack of honesty and inconsistent expectations. If it was just friends who had sex you wouldn't be analyzing whether she was into you or what it meant that she called you and wanted to see you. Then, since you are supposed to be "only friends with benefits" you don't feel comfortable asking her whether it means anything that she called you. It's going down the path of one person just being in it for fun sex and the other developing feelings and caring about what the other person thinks other than the physical aspects of the sex. You are feeling vulnerable - that is understandable but probably not a great thing in FWB land.

[no_bad_news]

FWB

 

 

I think FWB is a way for people to protect themselves. I am currently doing it. My relationship ended back in Novemeber, and although I like the person I am having a FWB situation with I know where I stand....I am fooling myself because he has a girlfriend. She is living on the west coast...and their relationship is doomed to the LDR scenario which never works....ALthough I at times feel awful for engaging in the FWB, I know that I am not the one at fault..he is..she is his responsibility not mine..

 

Secondly, I am getting some attention and it FEELS so GOOD to have it after coming off such a hard break up....

 

FWB isn't healthy in a lot if ways, it is an immediate fix to a long term problem...but it helps..when you want to have some relief from thinking about an ex... You will get hurt, be confused, you may want it to end, he/she may want it to end/ but I say DO it.. as long as you are safe, and know you are using each other....

[novaseeker]

ALthough I at times feel awful for engaging in the FWB, I know that I am not the one at fault..he is..she is his responsibility not mine..

 

Your actions, however, are your responsibility, and engaging in that kind of relationship with someone who has a true relationship with someone else is highly irresponsible on your part, to say the least.

[no_bad_news]

Your actions, however, are your responsibility, and engaging in that kind of relationship with someone who has a true relationship with someone else is highly irresponsible on your part, to say the least.

 

 

My actions are MY responsibility. I am single. He isn't. He is making the choice. I am aware of it, but I am doing what is best for me, and he is doing what is best for him. It is highly irresponsible on HIS part. You have to understand that we are adults, and this is a mutual choice.

[novaseeker]

My actions are MY responsibility. I am single. He isn't. He is making the choice. I am aware of it, but I am doing what is best for me, and he is doing what is best for him. It is highly irresponsible on HIS part. You have to understand that we are adults, and this is a mutual choice.

 

Of course, but your choice directly impacts someone else. You can't seriously hide yourself from that. The pleasure you are taking from this relationship is directly hurting his GF (or will, eventually, unless they have an open relationship). Pretending that this is all his doing, and has nothing to do with you, is to fail to see the real impact of your actions. If you didn't know he had a GF, you could act as if he didn't, but since you know that he does have a GF you can't pretend she doesn't exist and act as if you have no responsibility for the pain your actions may cause her.

[no_bad_news]

nova-

 

I engaged in the activity with the understanding that they were separated. I do know that it is complicated to end a relationship esp if it is a LDR. Right now I don't ask him questions. I am being selfish, and so is he. There is no way she will learn of these activities. I am not going to tell her. I am not interested in ending the realtionship for him . He will do it on his own

[no_bad_news]

I guess I am saying FWB is f'd up. Don't come down so hard on it. People use each other.

[xblondyx]

Thanks for all of the replies. It seems like a lot of people have different opinions on FWB relationships. I've decided they are not for me, as EH said, i get too emotionally attached.

[ElektraHere]

Good for you sweetie! I think you are making a wise choice for yourself and your heart.

[Kookie]

I had that situation but it only worked because I also had a strong attraction to him and feelings.

 

Look up oxytocin and you'll realize why it's a bad idea, but then again, i learned so much about my sexuality with this guy. Man, he was amazing!

[ocrob]

The woman that I am dating casually has been extemely nice and very affectionate to me. I don't know what it means, but it works for now. She may be moving to another state, but I feel she may want to stay for me. I am still unsure what I want so it is hard. She is an awesome friend and I like her a lot. I am just not sure that I want a serious relationship, but she has been very sweet lately. I would never ask her to stay. I am very torn because I don't want her to leave, but I don't want her to stay for me. I know that one of my friends on here said she is not into me, but I am guessing she is. I am prepared for her to leave, but if she stays I hope I can give her what she wants. I like her, but am unsure. We have plans this weekend and I will make the most of it. Life is pretty good, but who knows how things will be soon. I guess I just take things day by day. I found past messages funny because they impied she did not like me. Well, I would guess that is wrong. I happen to have certain talents. lol