My friend did not invite me to his wedding

[jensxcom]

I posted about this before but being that my friends wedding is in 4 weeks, im 100% certain i am not invited.

im a girl and hes a guy but we have been friends for 10 years- strictly platonic. he was one of my closest friends.

Ever since i found out he was engaged- a year ago he has stopped talking me, getting togther with me, even online-hes there everyday never messages me, i messaged him months ago and he wasnt talkative.

 

I was under the impression we were great friends and would always be friends. I miss him,

I know his soon to be wife does not like me and she was not friendly to me..

 

So is this common for a male friend to not invite his female friends to his wedding and then act like they dont exsist? im hurt by the whole thing. why was i even friends with him to begin with? seems like a waste of time.

[RayKay]

I would not say it is COMMON, but it does happen. It sounds like his future wife is not comfortable wtih your relationship, platonic or not, and either he willingly, or she told him, to stop talking to you.

 

It sucks, but there is not much you can do about it. It certainly does not sound like a friendship anymore, so I doubt there will be a last second invite.

[Sylph]

Well I'd start by finding out who they have invited, not everyone has large weddings with lots of people. Some prefer to keep it a small, family only thing.

 

But even if it is family only the whole non-contact issue stinks. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he has been ordered to break contact with you by an over protective wife to be.

[jensxcom]

From what I hear its a huge wedding, So i know I was just not personally invited.

I agree sounds like he made the choice to cut contact with me...

[Tigris]

I know you haven't been invited to the Wedding Reception, but if it's so important that you see him married you could go into the church and sit in the last pew. You could sneak out before they leave.

 

The choice is yours.

 

Don't forget it's the bride's family who make the majority of the decisions for a wedding. Especially sending the invitations out. However, I think the bride has told him that she doesn't want you there and that he doesn't know what to say to you so is avoiding you at all costs.

[jensxcom]

I'm more upset because he doesnt value our friendship to exclude me to his wedding. its an insult. More so than me watching him marry.

I guess she has control over him like alot of wives do over their husbands

[RayKay]

I'm more upset because he doesnt value our friendship to exclude me to his wedding. its an insult. More so than me watching him marry.

I guess she has control over him like alot of wives do over their husbands

 

I hope you don't really believe that last statement is true for a lot of cases.

 

Marriage is a partnership, not a matter of someone "controlling" another. I do not "demand" my partner do anything, nor he make "demands" on me.

 

Your friend also had just as much choice in this matter, she could not FORCE him to do something, even if she did request that he ended his friendship, he chose to agree to it and to not let you know as well.

[Lady Bugg]

Hi Jen.....

 

I think your friends new wife to be has officially put the shackles on him. I think if he were any kind of a real friend he would make an effort to assure his Fiancee' that you and he are strictly good platonic friends....losing a 10 year friendship is sad indeed. I don't think this is uncommon however. Most people that get married end up not associating with their "single" or unnattcahed friends and opt to hang out with married couples. I speak from experience when I say that gets boring REAL fast!!! Your friends wife-to be

may simply just have a problem with him hanging out with females in general, because after all...what can he get from them that he can't get from her?

I am not saying I agree completely..but I can understand to a certain extent.

[Sylph]

Well I think it's more of a case that he values his relationship more than your friendship, in the end I can see how that would work but it's not exactly the right thing to do. You and him shouldn't have to deal with her insecurities and selfishness.

[SilverManic]

Sounds like he's got his prioroties wrong. Friends genrally last longer then relationships thereforeeee warrent piority, no? unfortunately it's true that it happens a lot but theres nothing we can do about it. Just put it down to he wasn't worth the time. If my best friend broke contact with me because of her boyfriend (my best friends boyfriend and I don't really see eye to eye) I would be peeved to say the very least. But I would most likely send her an email asking why she lost contact and if she wants to catch up. But that was the type of friendship I have with her.

Same if I lose contact with my other friends I send them an email/textmessage saying 'hi, how are you?' In this case I'd do the same. After he's married. Send him a message saying something like 'hi, hows married life? Hope your doing well'. If he doesn't reply then no loss to you but if he does you might beable to talk things though. Your call.

~S.

[RayKay]

While I believe friendships are very important, and they are not something I believe you should "give up" unless they are toxic or destructive to your relationship, I have to say I disagree with this comment:

 

Friends genrally last longer then relationships thereforeeee warrent piority, no?

I have to say that if you always put your friendships above a relationship, then the relationship won't last because of that. Your relationship should be a friendship as well. Granted, early on in dating you should not ditch your friends all the time, but as a relationship does progress, your relationship does become more of a priority, more so when you also get married, and have children of your own. My friends are important to me, but my partner is my best friend and my life mate.

 

Again, friendships are very important, they can indeed be long lasting, however I think having a perspective that friendas warrant priority as relationships don't last...is kinda setting yourself up to destruct the relationship in the first place.

 

My relationship is a priority, so are my family relationships and friendships, and at different points some have more priority then other times. Right now my priority is on my romantic relationship and my relationship with my mom. Friends are still there, but I can't put them at the front right now.

 

Sounds like he's got his prioroties wrong.

Not if they are his priorities. They are not wrong if they are his, they may be incompatible with the original posters, but they are not wrong. This man is engaged, his priority is with his fiancee. My guess is that he made a choice as well to not talk to her anymore, out of respect for his fiancee - it is not automatic she demanded it. I encourage my partner to see a female friend of his for example when she is in town, and I would never demand he did not see her. However, out of respect for me, he also chooses to limit his relationship with her and not make her a priority OVER me. An example was is she is in town this week, but he was going away this weekend, and due to a tough week for us both, he CHOSE to not see her. And I make those same decisions with my friends. I made a choice to limit contact with a male friend of mine as there were some issues there that made my boyfriend uncomfortable.

 

Maybe this woman told him not to talk to her anymore, maybe not. But we don't know what agreements they came to as a COUPLE. Perhaps he did not like her talking to her male friends, so they came to an agreement, or he chose to not talk to this girl to not make it a double standard. Maybe the OP said something once that upset him and he made decision on his own to not talk to her. It could be anything, but I think we should be careful to not say she is being selfish and insecure, since we don't know.

[SilverManic]

I do think you are probably right Ray but it really depends on how close they were as friends. I have put my best friend over my ex-boyfriend many times because I've known her since I was 5 and I'd only been with him a year. I was always brought up to believe that friends are forever where as lovers may not be. Many people would beg to differ and I do agree that not all friends are forever.

But I also think that a healthy relationship does not compromize friendships unless the friend is well out of order and if it does then it's not one that is worth being in. I know this is different for many people, but this is my personal thought on the matter.

I would say that trust is a big part of a relationship and unless she was doing something like havining an affair with him which it sounds like she was not, then I see no reason why an earth he would want to call off the friendship.

[jensxcom]

I agree with you, I put some friendships over relationships and because of it my relationships did not work out. I just could never picture myself getting married and stop talking to my friend... He could even just talk to me on instant messenger and he doesnt. Its like he made a choice to put me out of his life completely.

When I have me his fiance she insulted me and was quiet the whole time. I also know she has done this to his other female friends. Now I remember at times when me and him hung out, she called him but he didnt tell her he was with me. One time i ran into them at a store, she walked away from him-said nothing to me.

Maybe she has said some things about me that im not aware of and told him to keep away from me.

 

 

 

--------------

 

Again, friendships are very important, they can indeed be long lasting, however I think having a perspective that friendas warrant priority as relationships don't last...is kinda setting yourself up to destruct the relationship in the first place.

 

My relationship is a priority, so are my family relationships and friendships, and at different points some have more priority then other times. Right now my priority is on my romantic relationship and my relationship with my mom. Friends are still there, but I can't put them at the front right now.

 

 

Not if they are his priorities.

[jensxcom]

I agree, with you...actually my other friend got married and she basically stopped hanging out with me,, but we still kept contact but when i asked her to get together she told me she has to bring her boyfriend- they werent married at the time.. She never wanted to hang out with me without him..

I just think its rude. Were not friends anymore, because i dont see the point.

 

I think most people choose relationships over their friends.. I never did that to any of my friends. But maybe i should have.

[fishrrshortae]

Jensx

 

I think his wife to be sounds extremely insecure. If he's marrying her, I would definitely let the friendship go. There isn't one to speak of anyways, and you will hate being friends with him as long as she is involved. I think for your own sanity, you should relinquish the friendship. Try to remember it for its good parts... and feel sorry for what is happening to your friend.