how would you act if:

[sukerbut]

I am sorry i just have been shouldering alot of the blame for the break up recently..and i need a smack in the face. Would you not be fed up if: the way you met was by cheating on her boy friend 5 yrs ago. the we you casually date this person for 6 motnhs 4 yrs later and it takes them 6 months to finally realize they want to be with you..in the meanwhile they go to miami and have sex with a random dude and they tell you oh i thought it ghad a future but the guy was a a hole..then you become boy friend and girl frined and you stumble upon an e-mail dated 6 days before you became official from her ex in the army serving in korea that ends ..can t wait to come back home and make sweet love to you..continous phone calls from a friend from jail nad then realize that he is realesed 6 motnhs later and they casually hang out without you...then to top it off more random male friends calling..og course all plutanick..even if its the truth...i mean after 9 months would you not start going crazy...and then you are the one being called insecure becasue you called her twice and she does not pick up but when you call with a restricted number she picks up..am i crazy here feeling insecure? random restricted phone calls in the middle of the night..in the morning...I mean I cant take it any more cause i keep thinking i smothered her but how can someone feel secure after all this? and to top it off you were as understanding as possible..i wzanted to trust but after a while it just gets to the point that its too much..and i am the crazy man here..serioulsy i know i should of not did the restricted phone call thing but i just could not take it any more...i am sorry i just am tired of putting blame on myself , why cant i see that it was not my fault...I was as undersatnding as i could be , but everyboidy has their limits no?

[Lady Bugg]

Suker...

 

After the part where you said she went and hooked up with some random dude...my eyes glazed over.

 

I have to wonder why you stuck around after that....

WAY too problematic....

[sukerbut]

at that point we were casual so i was alowed to see other people..we were not officialy b/f - g/f..cause love sucks thats why..i mean iw as also seeing other people but only becasue it took her 6 months to officially say i want you in my life consistently

[arwen]

Suker...

 

After the part where you said she went and hooked up with some random dude...my eyes glazed over.

 

I have to wonder why you stuck around after that....

WAY too problematic....

 

I arrived at the same thought after you told you meeting her was a result of her cheating on her bf. Assuming she cheated on him with you. Big red flag there, keep it in mind for future relationships. Don't trust a person who is willing to cheat on his/her partner with you, to be faithful to you in the future.

 

Ilse

[Lady Bugg]

Agreed.....100%

[sukerbut]

I know it does not matter but it does to me i just sent her this: how would you feel: if it took me 6 months to realize i wanted to be with you

after i casually dated you and i went and had a fling on vacation and i told you

oh i thought i had a future with this girl...how would you feel if you

stumbled upon an e-mail that was dated 6 days before we bacae official that read

i can t wait to come back home and make sweet love to you . love jessie..if i

continously had my old stripper friends calling on my cell at all times of the

night and morning...how would you feel if after all this you still loved me and

treated me like gold and still allowed me to go visit my female friends alone at

11 at night .. how would you feel if i did not pick up your phone calls rahter

to pick up a strippers phone call after all you did was love me and treat me

with nothing but comapsion and respect...i was never insecure cris you made me

into this lunatick..and yet i still wanted to ake ti work..I made such a big

mistake in falling in love with you but i did and now i am paying the price..and

i am the crazy one right..RIGHT!

[sukerbut]

i mean i gave her the benefit of the doubt he was a loser and she was only 17 at the time..that was 5 yrs ago..we reconnected after not seing each other for 4 yrs

[PocoDiablo]

I am sorry i just have been shouldering alot of the blame for the break up recently..and i need a smack in the face.

You asked for it, remember that. :splat:

 

Would you not be fed up if: the way you met was by cheating on her boy friend 5 yrs ago.

So you dated a cheater and expected a happy ending? What were you thinking? This is a woman who will demand constant excitement and drama in all her relationships. You really thought she'd settle down and be a good woman? For shame.

 

the we you casually date this person for 6 motnhs 4 yrs later and it takes them 6 months to finally realize they want to be with you..in the meanwhile they go to miami and have sex with a random dude

See? You were not exciting enough.

 

and they tell you oh i thought it ghad a future but the guy was a a hole..

Yeah, of COURSE he was, that is why she was attracted to him!

 

then you become boy friend and girl frined and you stumble upon an e-mail dated 6 days before you became official from her ex in the army serving in korea that ends ..can t wait to come back home and make sweet love to you..continous phone calls from a friend from jail nad then realize that he is realesed 6 motnhs later and they casually hang out without you...then to top it off more random male friends calling..og course all plutanick..even if its the truth...

So you're dating a cheater and you think she's not cheating on you? Where would you like me to smack you?

 

i mean after 9 months would you not start going crazy...and then you are the one being called insecure becasue you called her twice and she does not pick up but when you call with a restricted number she picks up..am i crazy here feeling insecure?

You're CRAZY for not walking away a long time ago. And you're a glutton for punishment by letting her walk all over you.

 

random restricted phone calls in the middle of the night..in the morning...I mean I cant take it any more cause i keep thinking i smothered her but how can someone feel secure after all this?

Why were you sticking around again? You saw all the signs and ... what, is she your mother? You don't need to tolerate being treated like crap. You can walk away at ANY time.

 

and to top it off you were as understanding as possible..

I love this because I was like that. Guess what? She is taking advantage of your understanding nature. People will do that, if you let them. She walked all over you. Don't. Don't let anyone treat you even REMOTELY like that. Walk.

 

i wzanted to trust but after a while it just gets to the point that its too much..and i am the crazy man here..serioulsy i know i should of not did the restricted phone call thing but i just could not take it any more...i am sorry i just am tired of putting blame on myself , why cant i see that it was not my fault...I was as undersatnding as i could be , but everyboidy has their limits no?

You were TOO understanding, that's the problem. You gave her no reason to respect you, since you let her get away with murder. If you had put your foot down and told her your standards, and not let her sleep with other men .. you might of had a chance.

 

Realistically, you were hopelessly out-gunned. She is way smarter than you and you never saw it coming. It's not your fault that you got sucked by a professional con artist. You need to date a nice normal woman, a kind woman, a trustworthy woman, one who posseses the amazing inner beauty you so richly deserve.

 

at that point we were casual so i was alowed to see other people..we were not officialy b/f - g/f..cause love sucks thats why..

No love is great. You did that as an excuse to find someone else and force things to end because you probably could not walk away ... but your body knew you needed to.

 

i mean iw as also seeing other people but only becasue it took her 6 months to officially say i want you in my life consistently

And how many people were you REALLY seeing and how much effort were you REALLY putting into finding a good partner? Probably not enough.

 

I know it does not matter but it does to me i just sent her this: how would you feel: if it took me 6 months to realize i wanted to be with you

after i casually dated you and i went and had a fling on vacation and i told you

oh i thought i had a future with this girl...how would you feel if you

stumbled upon an e-mail that was dated 6 days before we bacae official that read

i can t wait to come back home and make sweet love to you . love jessie..if i

continously had my old stripper friends calling on my cell at all times of the

night and morning...how would you feel if after all this you still loved me and

treated me like gold and still allowed me to go visit my female friends alone at

11 at night .. how would you feel if i did not pick up your phone calls rahter

to pick up a strippers phone call after all you did was love me and treat me

with nothing but comapsion and respect...i was never insecure cris you made me

into this lunatick..and yet i still wanted to ake ti work..I made such a big

mistake in falling in love with you but i did and now i am paying the price..and

i am the crazy one right..RIGHT!

That email IS crazy, there's no questioning that.

 

Dude. Seriously. You're hurting but for the WRONG REASONS. She's poison and she's killing you from the inside out. You have to move on. Look at what you've become. You're acting like a injured 8 year old crying out for his mother. Women generally don't find that attractive. They usually want a strong, mature, decision making, take-charge kind of guy. They don't want a 31 year old cry baby. You know that.

 

What are you going to do to get away from her and heal yourself?

[sukerbut]

dude you are 100% correct..i know i guess thats why i am so hung up over this..becasue for the first time in my life i became weak and i dont like that..truth be told..i haev dated quality woman..iw as just stuck on this one from day one...I would of never tolerated this crap from some one else..like my cousin said she is my kryptonite..and i know i did not act like a man..believe me...I KNOW and i think thats what really is bother ing me inside...what you said is on the money..i guess that is why i am beating myself up so much...becasue i allowed for this to happen..i have been in meanignfull relationships before with very good women and yet i wanted this one so bad i allowed my self to become the bizatch..it makes my stomach turn

[sukerbut]

paco i must admit you have softened up since the last time you bashed me lol

[ElektraHere]

Suker I hate to say this to you but the writing was on the wall at the start. Come on man you 31 you have alot of road still ahead of you don't let this person drive you to distraction.

 

BUCK UP!! As my friends would say

[sukerbut]

My life is good ... The only distraction is that I cant have what i want....I know the writing was on the wall...I never said it was not..but for some reason i have been stuck on her...for a long asss tiem...I cant wait for the summer to come...Plus you knwo the financial markets are slow so i do nothing all day 10 hours a day..all i do is think about her and how i am going to survive by not making any money sitting here lol

[ElektraHere]

WOW! She must have alot of power of you. How does that make you feel to know there is a person out there that controls your thoughts, actions, feelings, how your day is going to go? Don't you ever get sick of that and want to take control over your life again?

 

What happened with the gal you were seeing?

[sukerbut]

still seeing her...she is a good woman..i am not taking anything away from her..giving my all to her...its hard cause now i find out she was molested by ehr uncle when she was a child but i am trying to be supportive adn undersatanding..but its hard especially when we get intimate but ir espect her ... she is a fun loving gilr with a good head on her shoulders..electra..i dont wan to be held down by ehr..i dont pine over her becasue i want to i just cant let it go fo some reason...IT SUCKS BALLLLLS ....I wanted to give this woman my life, when we re together we have so much fun, whatever..time will leet me heal i am sure...this is the third time...please save the preaching I KNOWWWW!! UGH i am just mad that i trusted ehr this time, just to be in a worst place than i was the other two time..i feel like a fool. Women fall in love with me..this is the first one to actuall have this strong hold on me...and the power..best part is that I created this monster...Its all in my head..how great my life would be if she was in it..of course minus all teh distactions..but thats just me fantisizing..its not reality...

[ElektraHere]

Nope you are not living a reality and as for the new girl and giving her your all. No your not you are taking away from her. You should be thinking of her and not this fantasy land with cheater girl.

 

Your last post was a bunch of running contradictions. And you need to let go or you will be miserable for the rest of your life. If I were your new gal and knew how you were feeling I would run faster than anything away from you and your baggage. (She has alot of baggage to, I hope she is getting help for hers)

[PocoDiablo]

paco i must admit you have softened up since the last time you bashed me lol

I must have been in a good mood, or hadn't gotten my daily write-up for violating the site rules ...

 

Bottom line? Your reality is what you make it. You are sick because you know the answer and refuse to take action because you are afraid of losing her. The thing that is sickening to me is that I see something you don't. I know that if you be yourself, and act more mature, she will either respect it or not. If she respects it - and in essense likes you - then you've found a woman with whom you can expect to be a lifelong partner because she likes YOU. If she doesn't, then guess what? You lied to her about who you were and you're not right for each other. Move on.

 

Bottom line? Be yourself, otherwise you are lying to her.