Is it better to...

[Big Jim]

Just a quick question. Doesnt relate to my situation at all because that is all good and done with, however i am curious. Everyone preches NC, is it better to 1. tell them you are doing this, give your reasons etc, and just do it or 2. Just stop talking to them entirely and drop off the face of the earth???

[blender]

bigjim, if you are the one who was dumped then do NOT tell them or make an declarations about no contact, from experience I can tell you that it is much better for YOU, if you just start "no contact" just one day at a time, just for today.. and do this for yourself, and your own self-respect... it will sooo help you.. it did for me... and if I had made a statement to my ex that I was planning on no contact, it would have been so much harder for me to do.. at least if you don't say anything, you can go "easy does it" one day at a time, just remembering that time and space without contact is the only way for either you or your ex to get any "perspective" or have any real "feelings" surface... can you do the "no contact" one day at a time? I promise it will help you.. it really will...

[bobo85]

I would go NC without telling them but if they keep calling nonstop and it starts bothering you then i would tell them that you want to work on yourself and you think its best to not see or talk to each other for awhile so that both of you can move on.

[jojean]

I agree to just do it and not telling them in advance. Like blender and bobo85 saying. It is making yourself much harder if you will tell.

I know I wasn't a person who can keep myself of strictly NC rightaway. I keep telling myself to do. But here I am again trying. But this time I feel different.

I had a 'last' amicable meeting with my ex. It felt good not just blow him off rightaway, because we just handled things friendly. And for myself it was just too hard and 'not right' to suddenly NC him.

I didn't tell him I will NC. He has to figure some things out for himself too. It won't do any good if you make 'rules' towards eachother. Because it should comes naturally.

Only if they keeps bothering you then maybe it's better to say what bobo85 said.

[BONO]

Just a quick question. Doesnt relate to my situation at all because that is all good and done with, however i am curious. Everyone preches NC, is it better to 1. tell them you are doing this, give your reasons etc, and just do it or 2. Just stop talking to them entirely and drop off the face of the earth???

 

My ex was back and forth with wanting and not wanting to get back.

I told me ex *nicely*that if she loved me please let me go. Please dont call me in the middle of the night and tell me that you love and miss me, then a few weeks/days later act the opposite way !! Put up or shut up - keep me or let me go. You have to draw a line somewhere. Now NC all the way.

 

 

I cant really see a difference either way, just as long as you carry on with NC for yourself until you have healed. Remember NC is for you and not to get your ex back.

 

Scruff

[Belle]

I think it's better not to tell them. But that's because I'm a sucker and if I talk to him to let him know I'm doing NC, I'll probably get sucked back into the relationship. It does bug me though since I know he's probably panicking because neither one of us has been able to turn our backs on the other.

 

My final answer, don't tell them.

[BONO]

I think it's better not to tell them. But that's because I'm a sucker and if I talk to him to let him know I'm doing NC, I'll probably get sucked back into the relationship. It does bug me though since I know he's probably panicking because neither one of us has been able to turn our backs on the other.

 

My final answer, don't tell them.

 

 

So each situation is different. Depending on your unique sitaution will determine if you tell them or not !

 

Scruff