Struggling

[dnl940]

I know one of the things that I am still struggling with after my g/f dumped me is taking responsibility for the things that I did that drove her to her decision. I am still so angry, and I find myself blaming her for everything. How do you get to the point that you can take some responsibility for the end of the relationship? For some reason I feel like if I can get to that point, then it would be easier to get over.

[shamus]

it's tough.

you need to learn from your mistakes. see what you did wrong. the only person that can change is you.

my ex and i broke up in december, got back together 6 weeks later. within a week we were fighting, but i was determined not to go down that road again. i'd tell or text her i dont want to fight, lets cool off tonight and talk tomorrow. my ex even called me and yelled at me saying "why arent you calling me a b**** or a w****?" i told her i didnt want to fight or call names. 2 weeks after that, it came down to it again, and i was calling her names too. there's only so much a person can take. despite how much i wanted to change and work things out, she didnt. once she made new friends, i was kicked to the curb, and a few weeks after that is screwing someone new.

let him put up with her crap.

remember to work on yourself. learn and grow as a person

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

It is eaiser to be mad at someone else and it makes it easier to move on. But if you do not own up to your mistakes, you will never learn from them and continue making them. It takes two to tango. I am sorry you are having a hard time right now.

[dnl940]

Shamus and Kellbell... thanks for the thoughts. (Kellbell how come I didn't get one of your "hugs" that you leave on your other posts?) I'm just not sure that it makes it any easier to move on when blaming the other person, because I just keep thinking that if she would just admit that she was wrong then we could get things back to "normal". I want to take responsibility for my part of it, but every time I think about it, all that goes through my head is that she has and is making a big mistake. So how do I get to the point that I can take responsibility for my part of the relationship problems?

[kellbell]

Ok....sorry (((hugs))) hehe...

 

Well, maybe write down what you think went wrong and how you may have contributed to the relationship's downfall. Is there anything that you wished you could have done better? Anything that you wished you could have done over?

 

I suspect that you MAY be blaming her for everything because perhaps you feel she got off "scott-free." She is with her ex, she had moved on and it seems like she is happy and you are not. You are home stewing over this and feel you have "nothing." So it is easier and understandable to blame her for everything. So maybe step out of yourself and figure out why you are blaming her. Also you could be moving into the "anger" stage of grief as well.

[Diggitydave]

Good luck my friend