No Sex Drive Anymore...

[amylyn930]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years now! We have a great relationship... almost perfect. A lot of our friends envy us. When we first started dating we had a great sex life too... sometimes we would have it 8 times in one day! We would do it anywhere and everywhere...it was so addicting... over the years my sex drive has gone down. I don't ever crave it like I used to…

 

He wants it all the time, he tries everything, and I always have a new excuse.. "I'm Tired" "I have to much to do right now" "I don't feel like getting dirty" "I don't feel like having to clean up afterwards" "I don't want to get anything on my expensive comforter" "I just don't feel like it"

 

This has been going on for about the past 9 months… and I keep saying things will get better… but I am starting to realize they aren't…

 

In all honestly I feel like sex isn't that important to keep a relationship alive.. I feel like it's a gross procedure… and a hassle. I know that I really shouldn't feel this way about sex… but it's true

 

A few months ago we started using a vibrator… and I enjoyed it… for a few months (when we lived about 8 hours away from each other) I would sometimes start to miss sex and I would use the vibrator and it really turned me on… but it still didn't make me crave and want sex like I used to.

 

Now we are living together and have been for the past 5 months and we had sex ONE time… we have done foreplay maybe like THREE times… in 5 months!!! That's crazy! Last night was one of the third foreplay times and it really didn't feel like it used to… It only felt good when he did stuff to my clitoris and that was it…

 

He thinks that my vibrating months killed some of my nerve endings and that I will never be able to enjoy it like I used to… and he is really depressed about that..

 

SO I guess I have 2 questions…

 

1) Is it possible for a vibrator to kill nerve endings or something like that?

…and 2…

2) Where did my want for sex go??

 

 

 

Any help would be great!

[eriko]

This one's way out of my league. But, I know that somewhere inside of you your sex drive remains. Let's first take an optimistic approach to this situation:

 

Perhaps you matured a bit mentally. Sex is NOT the most important aspect of your relationship with your lover. Instead, you appreciate the other, more emotionally intimate relations you have with him.

 

However, sex is and always will be a very important part of having a relationship. Think introspectively; How do YOU feel? What is it about sex that doesn't rile your hormones anymore? You may even want to question your orientation, if you suspect any change in it.

 

I hope this helps you. I know it's vague, but i'm only seventeen and I don't want to be giving out advice to an adult who is far more mature than I am. But, take it for what it's worth.

 

Good luck.

[ocrob]

Is there anything else going on in your life? Are you stressed or depressed? I find that when I don't have sex for a while, then I adapt, but when I do have it, I want it more and more. I wonder what is missing? I wish you the best of luck. I am sure your man is very considerate to your situation, but I hope you realize that he has needs too. I am sure this must be a tough situation. Maybe you can try something new. Maybe things have gotten too routine. Maybe you should make a date on a friday or saturday night. Treat it like a date and not the usual thing. Go out for a romantic dinner and maybe take a bath together when you get home. You can't make yourself have sex drive, but you should not give up. Mix things up and see where things go.

[DN]

I think you need professional help. First your doctor and gynecologist and then, if there is no physical reason, an appointment with a psychologist to see if there is some sort of emotional or mental block that is going on.

 

If your partner realises that you are making an effort to sort out what is wrong then he may be patient. But, despite what you said here:

We have a great relationship

the chances are that he is not thinking that at the moment.

 

It is very possible you are in danger of losing him. I think you should seek help fairly quickly and let him know that you are doing so.

[amylyn930]

There are other things going on in my life, such as work and school but in no way do I feel overly stressed or depressed. That's why I really don't understand. When we do attempt to try something new, etc. It just doesnt feel as good as it used to, and I find myself getting bored and impatient. I understand he has needs, and I try to give him some pleassure every now and then... but it's not the same.. and I am mostly doing it because I feel bad... I dont know anymore?

[loveydovey]

Have you tried looking info up online. I'll do a search for ya and see what I find, but just going off of prior knowledge of a disappearing sex drive, I believe our sex drives are connected to a brain signal. It has something to do with your thoughts. Its like a switched got turned off. Does that sound like something that could have happened?

[Daddy Bear]

i really doubt that you damaged your nerve endings. i know of women that have used a vibrator pretty much daily for a decade or more and they have reported no such effect.

 

after years in a relationship the same old stuff can get a little stale. i heard of a couple once that had that problem until they bought a man-sized bunny costume (i'm being serious) and that made things fresh again for them. um, that's not a specific recommendation btw, just an anecdote that i thought might get you thinking along the lines of how people use their imaginations to stoke the old fire when it starts to burn low.

[Spugly Fuglet]

now this one I do know about, I spent 5 years in an on/off relationship in thows 5 years we lived togiver and apart more than once. Now when we where aport sex was grate we would meet up and it would all be there but each time we moved into gever sex drive would fall away.

We both had out side relationships in thows 5 years but we aways came back together. At the end I relised we both wonted carears and did not won't to be settled with kids. It was this fear of being clocked down with a family that

killed the sex drive. But once we where apart the presher was off and we had it all the time. In the end out work brock us up. But I think deep down I just did not won't kids with her. Sad but true.

 

also when you have been togever for some to it can get slowed.

 

as for killing the feeling in your...

 

I have no idear sorry.

[monkey1]

I've never had this experience, but also medication can cause your libido to decrease. Are you taking any new medication? If everything else in your relationship seems fine, I would probably go the the doctor and see what they say if it is a big issue in your relationship.

 

Good luck!

[jabele]

Since you've been together for 3 years, a relationship tends to loose its 'freshness.' It's sort of like: yeah, been there, done that. There's nothing abnormal about it-- but if you want to spice things up a bit, maybe try new things. If it gets to be the 'same old' you might develop an affinity to just avoid sex all together. In the beginning, everythings new -- and hasn't been explored. I'd say try different things....tell him exactly what you want and what you think would improve your sex life. You may also want to try new things OUTSIDE of your sex life together...to keep it new and fresh.

 

Hope this helps