What do you think this cryptic message means?

[nicolediver]

I received this e-mail from my ex-boyfriend last night:

 

I ask nothing of you, but know that I am totally losing my * * * *.

 

I was just wondering what you might think it means. I have abided to the NC rule (we broke up a week or so ago...) and interestingly enough I ran into his roommate earlier that night. She expressed how hard it has been for him, etc.

 

I just feel that by even sending me this he is asking me something. He is asking me to consider his feelings and it sounds to me that he is not doing so well with them.

 

I just dont know what to extract from this. Any insights would be helpful.

[annie24]

sounds like a drunk e-mail. blah. don't bother to respond. not unless he says something direct.

[nicolediver]

A drunk message? I never even considered that possibility. What makes you think that?

 

And if so, do you think people lie when drunk. If anything, I am more honest and vulnerable. You are right though, I should wait until I get more from him.

[annie24]

LOL - I've had more drunk dials and drunk e-mails than you'd ever guess from this guy that I was "sort of" involved with. Yeah, probably something he wrote while drunk. Saturday night after all... My ex boyfriend would drunk e-mail me Johnny Cash song lyrics. Yeah, random.

 

Do I think he is being more honest? Some people are, some people aren't. Some people get drunk and say some really stupid stuff. Like your ex. We can't even figure out what he said!!!!!!!

 

ignore any e-mails or texts that appear to be drunk messages. this one seems to be.

[annie24]

A drunk message? I never even considered that possibility. What makes you think that?

 

 

I ask nothing of you, but know that I am totally losing my * * * *.

 

 

Would you ever e-mail anything like this to anyone unless you were bombed out of your mind???

[nicolediver]

Unfortunately, to answer your question I would and not because I was drunk. I tend to be very emotional so sometimes I can feel desperate if you know what I mean. And that e-mail certainly sounds a bit dramatic. Not to say he wasnt feeling it at the time, I just think he wasnt thinking clearly.

 

But you're right, Saturday night and all means he probably had a few drinks.

[TheWriter1]

wait what does the red 4 letters mean?! until i thought more about it i thought it said mind under there but why would you censor that...

 

does it mean D*ck?

 

if so, yeah, drunk email for sure

 

his buddies probably put him up to that one

[nicolediver]

No not D*ck!!

 

Sh*t.

[tmp0620]

sh*t = mind if you ask me. I don't think that's a drunk e-mail necessarily. He's taking the break up hard, and just wants you to know it.

[annie24]

LOL - I'll bet you money he was drunk!!!

 

what time did he send the e-mail?

[tmp0620]

I would send someone something like that when I'm sober.

[nicolediver]

The e-mail was sent at 1 a.m.

 

I think you are both right. He probably had some drinks and he probably is taking the break-up hard. Not being sober facilitated him going against his better judgement by putting that sentiment out there to me instead of keeping it to himself.

 

Yes, I know it's hard for both of us but there is no need for him to tell me this. What is the point, the purpose? Does he think it will help me to know he is hurting too? Does he want to confuse me even further by alluding to the fact that he still grapples with the decision?

 

It was an unthought out and selfish, emotional filled decision on his part. I feel these things too but I dont sen an e-mail or a text everytime I go through it.

 

He broke up with me, if he has second thoughts or is hurting I at times feel as if he should keep it to himself.

[blender]

"It was an unthought out and selfish, emotional filled decision on his part. I feel these things too but I dont sen an e-mail or a text everytime I go through it.

He broke up with me, if he has second thoughts or is hurting I at times feel as if he should keep it to himself."

 

You got that right... stick with your instincts on this one, a mature, kind, loving, smart, independent, secure guy would NEVER put this kind of crap in an email to someone HE broke up with... and please remember he is NOT asking you anything, or TRYING TO TELL you anything, take him at his word... he said: "i'm not asking anything of you (so ignore him) and then he says how difficult it is for HIM... ugh.. this guys is a piece of work..I know your heart is aching but stick with the intincts you have about your OWN boundaries and values, and the fact that you CHOOSE not to ever send him emails stating "how difficult this all is".... of course it is, it's called LIFE... (sure he might be wanting to "alleviate some guilt" by letting you know, he might have had some "second thoughts") but you are worthy of more than a "thought" how bout him being committed enough to take an "action" and "show up right" and say "I've made a mistake"...well believe me if he wanted to say that, he would have, he just wants to "feel better" about HIMSELF.. by making you "think" it's tough for him too.... whatever... YOU take care of YOU... not HIM anymore.

 

You are far too classy to be with a guy who handles things this way, drunk or sober.. god, I hope he was drunk...at least it's kind of an excuse... and I bet it's making him think even more...when he had to re-read what he sent, and the great fact that you are NOT going to respond... good for you...

 

YOU are headed for wonderful things.. and some great, smart, sexy, confident, trusting, humorous, financially secure, wonderful man is waiting for you... YOU will have learned from this and "choose" better next time... this guy was a "bridge" to a better you.

[annie24]

Blender - you said it perfectly!

 

Geeez! He's the one that broke up with her, now he's sending her cryptic messages telling her how much in pain he is? uggg....

 

NEXT!!!!

[nicolediver]

I unfortunately did reply to his e-mail (I thought I mentioned that earlier but after reading through the thread I realize I did not). Basically I said that by sending the e-mail he was asking something of me. I then said that this was hard on both of us but by sending this, it made it harder for me. I told him I was concerned and hoped he would be okay, etc.

 

His reply?

 

"I'm fine, sorry for that."

 

When I first read this I was so mad!!! You dont go from "totally losing your sh*t" to being fine. Basically, I think he regretted sending the original e-mail to me and his response clearly shows how much denial he is in. At the very least he could have taken more responsibility by acknowledging what he did. Instead, he tries to sweep it under the rug by pretending everything is peachy.

 

Will I write back? I am not sure yet but if I do this is what I will say:

 

You're fine?

 

Great, me too.

[blender]

Please try to not respond to this last email of his, he's honestly "revealed" the type of immaturity you would have to deal with if he were to be a long-term love... he's not good enough for you, plain and simple, he needs to "grow-up" and that's up to HIM, not you.. Choose carefully what you put in writing to him... keep your precious emotions closely in your OWN heart for now... let some time go by... please try, this is best for YOU... You are going to be so great when this all settles.. you're already sounding so much stronger.. good for you.. let go just for today.. breathe, think, and remember Love is never an "emergency" when it's real... let him go for today, you deserve to think of YOURSELF right now....

[nicolediver]

Blender,

 

I understand your advice but the reply I have chosen is for me. In the past, I have always given him well-thought out responses or just ignored hm. For once, I finally feel angry and want to express this. Perhaps it is immature but I want to call him out on his own behavior. I dont expect/want a response, I dont but I want to leave him with a taste of his own medicine. I want to be atypical.

 

Again, all I would say: You're fine? Great, me too.

 

He needs to really think about what he's done by someone putting it in his face. I will think about this for the rest of the day but I do think I want to send this.

[blender]

Nicole, you have to do what is best for YOU, and if sending him some response about his behavior makes you feel better, then go with your heart, but be sure to include your mind in on this "choice".

 

The reason I made the suggestion is because years ago when a guy hurt me deeply, I gave him a line about his "behavior" and I have to say although in the "moment" it felt good to get it off my chest, afterwards, I just felt like I gave him "gold", I kept thinking afterwards, why did I feel the need to "educate" him for the next woman? What did I really gain from doing this?

 

I didn't feel better at all after letting him know what he did was wrong, I felt like I lowered myself to his petty tactics, and ya know what, the fact is, our values/words had different definitions anyway.. and I felt like I wasted my energy venting it to him..it only made him "feel" worthy of my feelings, even if they were "negative" ones. A man who does these things, is the kind of man who doesn't "understand" our energy and values.. they simply don't.. so no "words about thier behavior" really even "land" with them, they just get an "ego boost" from our "feelings for them, even if they seem like a "eye for an eye" type of comment.

 

I wished I had just written my response to him down on a piece of paper and burned it in a "let go" ceremony.. I do that now, and it feels sooo much better, then giving the "energy/time/education" to the "ex".

 

So when you said you might be sending him a response, and I believe your response though short shows a lot of emotion still wrapped up in him.. well I just thought I'd let you know my experience and feelings afterwards..to these kind of guys ANY response gives them a sense of "worthiness" and I think you deserve to give this "energy" to yourself, and not him... but whatever you decide to do, it will be best for you..and I support whatever decision you make, that's for sure, you seem like a great person!

[nicolediver]

I did do what was best for me and I sent the reply. Although, I struggled with it for a moment it was what I needed to do. In my own way it was an action that allowed me to stand up for myself without seeming too involved.

 

Coincidentally, I had therapy the day that I sent the e-mail and my therapist also encouraged me to send it. She did say though that by doing so I had to be prepared for the consequences. And I was because for once it was about me not him.

 

Surprisingly, he did reply back by saying:

 

"Godammit, you know what I mean. This hurts me, and yes I'm totally losing/have lost my sh*t, but I'm dealing at the moment. Don't give me your sarcastic asinine remarks.

 

That's the most I reach out and it's the most anyone gets. I'm sincerely sorry for it in the first place, I never should have said anything."

 

Although, his scope of understanding still falls short it certainly is more sincere than his previous e-mail. I understand that we both realize that NC is the best way right now. I just feel that if he is going to reach out than he needs to be respectful in the process.

 

I did write him back and said I wasnt trying to be a jerk but I did not appreciate how he went about things and that if this was the case to leave it alone. If he did need something than that's fine but act like a friend not a regretful coward.