Break up advice =/

[Frost271]

I've been with this girl for 4 years. We had our bumps but we've always been able to work things out. We were each others "first" everything.

 

She calls me up late one night and tells me she wants to break it off. The jerk that I am didnt believe her and I blew it off because I thought I had this girl wrapped around my finger, I mean after 4 years who really wouldnt. Boy was I wrong. I tried calling her the following days and she never answered or picked up... one of her good friends later told me that shes been with another guy all week. This completely shattered my heart. I confronted her the next week and she seemed completely "ok." I mean, after 4 years, she dropped me like a bad habit. We've always talked about getting married after college and having kids but last couple months we became "distant" and all we did was smoke and have sex. I played around with breaking up with her in my head numerous times but I never did it because I loved her too much. I've realized my wrongs and I've grown so close to people around me over this breakup that I've learned more in the last 3 weeks than I have in the 23 years of my life about relationships. I messed up and I cant get over the fact that at one point just 3 weeks ago she was telling how much she loved me and than one day POOF, shes gone. My problem has been communication and I think that in 3 weeks I have grown and am MORE than willing to try to fix things and "talk" about stuff more. I got too comfortable with her and I figured nothing could go possibly wrong. Im a great guy, I took her out, paid for everything, been with her forever, etc... but we simply stopped talking. This new guy works with her, is trailer trash (literally), and has a kid. Shes completely disconnected from me in every way possibly. No text, calls, emails, nothing. I poured my heart out to her twice since the breakup and both times she blew me off. First time was the new guy confrontation, and the 2nd time was a couple days ago when I picked up all my stuff from her house. I mean, as I think about it, since we became so distant the last couple months this was inevitable, but being with someone for so long, how do you not get to a point where your just "comfortable" with them in every possibly way. She told me she couldnt say anything to me because I would have just blown it off (probably true), but shouldnt she have at least tried? I know I've been a jerk for the past 2 months, but I thought If you truly loved someone, regardless of their flaws or bumps in the road, you at least try it again and give another chance.

 

Should I move on already? Shes been with this other guy since day one of our breakup 3 weeks ago and kicked me to the curb... that means after 4 years were done? This new guy a rebound? What should I expect? IM the one freaking out. Cant sleep or eat... very depressed....

 

Thanks to everyone who reads this and replies... I know its long but its making me feel better inside since im writing this and letting it "all out."

[ocrob]

I would say you need to move on and go NC, but I might try one thing. I might call her up and ask if you can talk. I would not beg or sound desperate. I would tell her that you are fine with the situation, if that is what she wants. I would tell her that you have reflected and realized you did not communicate and now realize how much she means to you. Just lay it out as facts and don't ask for anything. If she chooses that things are over, then you need to give her space and move on for now. Once a woman decides it is over, it does not help to pursue them. Just call her up and let her know that you accept the situation and want her to know how you feel now and she can digest that information however she wants. If she blows you off, which she probably will, then you need to go NC and move on. It sucks and many of us guys have been through it. I think I am finally over my ex and am not sad anymore, but I still think about her and miss her. But, things are definitely better now.

[bobo85]

To me it sounds like she checked out of the relationship while still in the relationship. She's probably been thinking about breaking up with you for the past few months. And in the mean time she was getting over you already and of course starting a new relationship with this other guy. How convienient for her huh? Screw her man. She doesn't deserve you. You sound like a guy who gives 150% in a relationship and holds nothing back. The only problem is that after she broke up with you you constantly tried to contact her. I know you have a million questions that could have led up to the breakup but the bottom line is...she doesnt want to be in a relationship with you..at least not right now.

 

So what are you gonna do? Thats right, you guessed it. Strict NC. No contacting her whatsover. You called her enough already where its up to her if she wants to speak with you or not. Move on without her and you will become a better man. Trust me on this...breakups are hard...but it is a learning experience and you will be a stronger human.

[Mr. October]

I agree w/ bobo85 I feel your pain Frost, I’ve been through that last year, mine is after 7 years and it was hard at first, but as the time goes by it made me a better person. My advice to you is to stop communicating with her and heal yourself. In my experience the more I call her the more she get annoyed. Start talking about how you’re feeling to your family and friends, don’t keep it inside of you. You already poured yourself to her there’s nothing to change her mind. The only thing that you can do is to make her miss you by going NC.

[bobo85]

Good luck and let us know how we can help to speed up your recover. If you need to vent then vent. We will read your posts. If you need advice or need help to stay in NC then we will help you.

 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

[Frost271]

Thanks guys for the advice I really appreciate it.

 

Actually I went on my first post-break up date last night following advice of some of my friends. Took the girl to a comedy club and dinnner. Had a blast. Shes beautiful and nice... but ... I dont know. I sat their looking at this girl accross the table and I felt like I was doing something wrong. I was thinking to myself "this just doesnt seem right." I think my friends just wanted me to get laid, which i know I could have easily done, but thats just not what I'm looking for. The guy in me says to go out and f*ck like a rabbit, but another part of me just wont let that happen because it just doesnt seem right.

 

I think I jumped into that date boat alot sooner than I should have. I know my ex is already with another guy but mentally and emotionally I just cant seem to get over whats happened. Even after getting the worst part of the stick possible with a breakup phone call and a new guy and complete NC from her, a part of me is having a hard time letting go. I know its natural but I'm learning as I go along. This has truly been the first "real" breakup in my life.

 

This NC thing is soooo hard. I just feel like I have so much to say and I cant say it because it will make me look like I'm some crazy ex that cant move on. I pass by her work everyday on my way to my work and I see her car and I just want to go inside and make up or at least talk. The crappyy thing about this is that I know she doesnt feel the same way but I really wish she did. OH, and thanks to the date, another sleepless night wondering about what COULD have been =**(.

[RandomAdvisor]

Take as much time to heal as you need. Don't start dating again until you feel ready. Tell your friends that you would appreciate it if they respect your decision and stop pressuring you.

 

Yes, NC is very hard. Especially for you since you were together for so long and then she just pulled the rug out from under you... but it's exactly hat you need.