I just had to fall for an older guy. What the hell.

[YankeeGirl02]

So a little over a year ago, my uncle introduced me to a certain guy. I finally met someone that I care very deeply about. He's wonderful. Funny, intelligent, caring, and we have a lot of the same interests & great conversations. I'm starting to develop really strong romantic feelings for him, and I think he feels the same way.

 

But I know he's too old for me. I'm 17, and he's 23, turning 24 in three months. Oy vay, this is really killing me. I know my family wouldn't approve, my friends think it's odd, but the age doesn't bother me at all. I've never felt like we were in separate stages (even though I guess most would say we are) or that we have nothing to relate to with one another.

 

I know that 6/7 years isn't a huge age gap, but when one of us is 17 apparently it's a godawful thing. 17 is the legal age of consent where I live, but I don't think I'll be considered a true adult until 18, so until then I'm stuck in this situation.

 

I would love to be able to just throw away my feelings and go chase after some other guy my age, but I can't. I care way too much about him to just forget about it. Right now we're only good friends (nothing wrong with that, right?) and a bit flirty. But I know if I ever wanted to start a relationship with him (and I do) it would cause too much of a problem for everyone else.

 

What should I do?

[the yang to the worlds yin]

i never believed in older man relationships with woman that were minors..... till i got into one. i was 16 and he was 20, so about the same age difference as yours. honestly, if you trust him, your parents agree to it, it doesn't bother him.. then go for it and best of luck. BUT, make sure your parents approve first.

[ehm doubleyou]

I honestly do not think nothing is really wrong with the age difference...when he turns 28 and you are 23 at that time does that sound odd?....5 years difference is nothing...I have seen couples age gap differences way worse then what i see here.

[itsallgrand]

Other than the opinions of those you care about/soceity - which they are entitled to, and they may not change - are there any practical reasons the two of you could not work?

[YankeeGirl02]

There is one other problem, but that may be getting fixed soon anyway.

 

But other than that (and society of course) I don't see how we wouldn't work out. Well, unless he didn't feel the same way obviously, but I think he does?

[the yang to the worlds yin]

tell him how you feel, it's the only way to know.

[YankeeGirl02]

Ugh, I wish I could. But then what? If he did feel the same, it's not like we could even date.

[itsallgrand]

Why is that, Yankee?

What would prevent you?

[the yang to the worlds yin]

yeah, why can't you date?

[YankeeGirl02]

I'm underage. =/

[YankeeGirl02]

Well, by that I mean I'm not 18, so not an "adult"...Oh, and my parents would kill me. That too.

[itsallgrand]

 

I know that 6/7 years isn't a huge age gap, but when one of us is 17 apparently it's a godawful thing. 17 is the legal age of consent where I live, but I don't think I'll be considered a true adult until 18, so until then I'm stuck in this situation.

 

 

Ok. I see what's going on now.

 

Frankly, if you feel that way, you probably are best not to pursue this.

Going into this relationship would require extra fortitude and determination:

Maybe you could be happy being friends with this man?

Would that be so horrible?

 

[Jorus Cbaoth]

Going into this relationship would require extra fortitude and determination

 

Oh no! Not HARD WORK! Let's all hold hands and have a big group hug. Let's never take any risks. Worst advice I've heard for awhile. I was an adult when I met my wife. She was under age. It's not illegal to date, unless you live in some stoneage tribe. If they don't like him all they can do is file a restraining order, and then you both have to wait, what, less than a year for you to turn 18? If you have to, go behind their backs, but don't be STUPID. Wait until you're both adults to take things past the dating stage. Don't let him buy you alcohol, etc etc. Society places such a big taboo on this. It's disgusting. Your age gap is NOTHING. Tell him how you feel, if he feels the same way, then see where it goes. If your parents don't like it, well tell them what you think of that. Let me reiterate one more time: It is NOT illegal to date someone underage.

[itsallgrand]

Well, that's obviously a biased opinion.

[Jorus Cbaoth]

Very much so. It makes me almost feel guilty that you take my sarcasm in such good stride. If you don't agree with me, don't hesitate to tell me so!

[YankeeGirl02]

itsallgrand - It wouldn't be so horrible to be his friend. I mean, he's a great guy, so to have him in my life at all would make me happy. I guess I just can't help wanting more.

 

Jorus C'baoth - I just turned 17, so it would be another year before I'm 18. You're right, though. It's not illegal to date. I guess right now what I'm more worried about is what my family would do if they found out. I know my dad would try to stop me from ever seeing/talking to him again, and I really don't want that to happen.

[lucia]

Do your parents know that guy? Maybe if they meet him and like him they won't have anything against? My bf is 6 years older than me and we're together for 2 years very happy.

[YankeeGirl02]

My parents don't know him; only a few people on my dad's side of the family (cousins & uncles mostly) know him.

 

Aw, I'm happy for you and your boyfriend.

[zpivat]

Well if both are comfortable I think it should be ok......some people have "weird" preferences, je je.....I'm 22 and I'd only prefer to date those are as old as or at most 2 years older than me.....

 

When I was 19 I was with a 19 year old, and she left me for her 37 year old chemistry tutor (who didn't even return her feelings by the way).....

[YankeeGirl02]

Well if both are comfortable I think it should be ok......some people have "weird" preferences, je je.....I'm 22 and I'd only prefer to date those are as old as or at most 2 years older than me.....

 

When I was 19 I was with a 19 year old, and she left me for her 37 year old chemistry tutor (who didn't even return her feelings by the way).....

Oh, that's horrible, I'm really sorry

[Kevin T]

Strange... throughout almost all of recorded history, the male has always been several years older than his bride, yet now our society says, "That's bad." Just kind of strikes me as odd.

 

Anyway, I am 24 and would date an 18 year old. I see nothing wrong with it, and if others do, they should butt out and mind their own business. Chances are I'll end up with someone younger than myself anyway; seeing as how I'll probably meet Miss Right through church or school (in both situations the girls are all in their late teens/early twenties), so I can't condemn you for your relationship.

 

Oddly, the consensual age for sex where I live is 16, I believe. No wait, 14. (Yeah, that's definitely not right, IMO.) Either way, it doesn't matter to me, but I thought I'd bring it up since it changes depending on where you live.

[YankeeGirl02]

Very true. I wonder why society started this stupid taboo in the first place.

 

Well that's good to hear. I really don't see 17/23 (or almost 24) as a huge deal. When I hear "24 years old", I panic and think it's too old. But it's really not, at all. I mean, I've seen people post about being in 40+ age gaps, and suddenly seven years seems like nothing. By the way, I hope you find "Miss Right".

 

Is the age really 14? Where do you live?