Girls: if a guy friend wanted to hold hands?

[monsieur]

Question to the girls, if a guy friend that you had that you were only friends with, but you knew that he wanted more, asked you to hold hands with him while walking down the street 'just to try it', would you? or would you get pissed off at the question? even knowing that he might be hopeful that the hand holding connection might start a tiny little spark somewhere deep in your heart?

[silky88]

as a girl, i wouldn't get pissed, exactly, but i'd be uncomfortable and let the guy know that there was no chance, especially not while walking down the street, in public, where other people could get the wrong idea.

 

the girl already would know from being in close proximity with her guy friend whether or not he "sparked" her through accidental friendly contact. to hold his hand would be uncomfortable and cloying, like a family member holding your hand to cross the street as a child.

 

if the guy already knows that the girl definitely does not like him as more than a friend, he should back off or risk losing her friendship altogether by creating unnecessary awkwardness.

 

trust me -- this is coming from a girl who had a lot of guy friends crushing on her in school -- it is better to keep the friendship, and if her feelings change, she will find a subtle way to let the guy know.

[monsieur]

thanks for the reply, silky.... that is the nice thing about this forum, I can get feedback on something before I do something stupid

 

so we agree that it should be up to the girl to do something subtle to let the guy know that her feelings are changing, I am confused about the whole subtleness thing, I would assume the girl might hold back a bit too because of awkwardness..... so it is hard to get both to move forward at the same time

 

complicated issue that is for sure, I always wonder how often I should remind her that I care so much, or that my strong feelings are getting even stronger, would a subtle joking around kind of comment be a good tact? maybe every few months?

[silky88]

well... the first step is for you to accept that her feelings MIGHT NOT change.

 

if i were you i wouldn't hold out for her with the intention of reminding her of your feelings at certain intervals. look around, date other people; sometimes when a girl finds out that someone who has been pursuing her is no longer pursuing only her, it is a catalyst to wake up any hidden attraction or emotion. she sees that her chance is slipping away and will do something to change that.

 

and if it doesn't change anything, chances are nothing will change her feelings. and who knows? maybe while you are dating around, you will find someone you like even better, who likes you back.

 

i know it can be a bitter pill to swallow, but sometimes, even though you feel all the chemistry in the world towards a girl, she thinks of you as a friend or a brother. in many cases, there is NOTHING that can change that. the best thing to do is play the field a little, instead of wasting your time (i know, i know, it doesn't FEEL like a waste) chasing someone who will never think of you as a lover.

 

just my humble opinion, based on experience.

[Emotional]

if i liked him and had a thing for him, id be flattered, not pissed off.

 

But on the other hand...

 

If i don't like him that way, I would probley be a little bit more

distant around that person, but i wouldn't pull the plug on him

for trying.

[hosswhispra]

Monsieur,

 

I am going to kinda flip your question around (I hope you don't mind).

 

Should a girl really believe that a guy who'll hold her hand--is not interested in a relationship--but just a friendship?

 

I am asking because I knew a guy who told me that he believed that a male and a female could hold hands and just be "non-relationship" friends as he put it. I could not do this. I would feel a spark for someone holding my hand.

[bobo85]

friends lock arms

couples hold hands

[monsieur]

hosswhispra: you think like I do

 

obviously if there was absolutely no possible attraction, like if one found the other ugly or unappealing, then it might be repulsive,

 

but if both are very attractive people, I am thinking that the handholding could be a kind of a catalyst to feel a spark

 

sort of like an easing in to a concept that might before seem awkward but once in might start to feel more comfortable

 

So if we were walking along window shopping some evening, would I be a fool to just blurt out 'hey, lets try holding hands just to see what its like, for fun kind of, please, just to try it?'

[hosswhispra]

So if we were walking along window shopping some evening, would I be a fool to just blurt out 'hey, lets try holding hands just to see what its like, for fun kind of, please, just to try it?'

 

Monsier,

 

From a woman's point of view: let the hand holding happen naturally. Don't ask if you can hold her hand.

 

I'll tell you what gets the sparks flying for me: If the guy that I am interested in puts his hand on my lower back (kind of like guiding me) when we are walking through a crowd--for example. Then after if you want to hold the girl's hand, walk side by side and then just go in for it---and hold her hand. Let things happen naturally

[monsieur]

thanks so much, you are a sweetheart

[hosswhispra]

thanks so much, you are a sweetheart

 

Thank you

[bobo85]

I see holding hands as very intimate. It gives off the signal to everyone in the world that both of you are a couple and are seeing only each other.

[monsieur]

I'm not really concerned about what 'the world' thinks. We live in a very big city and never run accross anyone that knows us when we go on walks. We are both single too, so it is not like we would be offending anyone but maybe ourselves.

 

I agree with you on the intimate thing.

[bobo85]

If you both like each other then why don't you guys just start dating. I'm not trying to start anything. I'm just saying that holding hands is a very intimate thing that couples do.

 

Holding hands with just friends would make holding hands with a gf cheap. Wouldn't you only want to share something such as holding hands with someone you really care about in a romantic way?

[DropToZero]

My personal situation, a long time ago...like about last summer or something maybe around this time, I was invited to a party by a very good friend I had made in classes. She and I weren't really close, but we flirted etc...but even in my opinion, I never really had looked at her "that" way, I will admit I was really attracted to her, but that's as far as it went because...I just didn't "like" her like that. Anyways, one night she'd invited me to a party and I was drunk(or close to) sitting down on a couch, and she was up and around talking to everyone, and I grabbed her hand getting her attention and talking to her (not hard, but like held), and even I knew in that instance, it was just kind of uncomfortable, you can tell when something's not really "right" about it. She didn't really react or pull away, just stayed there for a second and talked.

 

It didn't do anything though, it only lasted like a couple seconds, and we've never really spoke of it. And no it didn't hurt the relationship at all, we're still really good friends and I've been invited to her house plenty of times after that. Personally though, just make sure you "know" if she's into you mutually before you go and do something like that.

[Dating Coach]

if i liked him and had a thing for him, id be flattered, not pissed off.

 

But on the other hand...

 

If i don't like him that way, I would probley be a little bit more

distant around that person, but i wouldn't pull the plug on him

for trying.

 

Would you pull the plug if he kept trying after you already made it clear multiple times that you were not interested in him romanticallY?

[Dating Coach]

If you both like each other then why don't you guys just start dating. I'm not trying to start anything. I'm just saying that holding hands is a very intimate thing that couples do.

 

She doesn't like him like that, and has told him before. He is just hanging on to any shred of hope he can.

[BillyJean714]

Honest Opinion: I'd be a bit grossed out/turned off.

 

IF, however, we both liked each other in some way, I woudn't mind. In fact, I wouldn't mind just resting my head on his shoulders, or just snuggling up to him. I love relationships where you feel as though the partner that you're with is not only a lover but a buddy. It's like finding that childhood bestfriend bond. Hard to describe, but you'll know when you feel it.

 

If you're unsure about how she feels towards you, you can probably slightly touch her on her shoulders or something, and see how she reacts. If she has a look of disgust on her face, then you know she's not quite feeling it the same way. If she kinda blushes away, or laughs, it maybe something different. Also, pay attention to how she treats you.

 

If I spill my guts to a guy, it doesn't mean I like him. If I spill my guts to him and he turns around and wants to hold my hand, I get creeped out.

 

It's all about setting boundaries/personal space- allowing those who you want in your inner-circle/personal space, verses those who you keep at a distance.

[Dating Coach]

He's not unsure. She flat out told him she was only interested in being friends.

[Shesa]

Go hold a hand of a girl that wants to. Don't be pathetic.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Question to the girls, if a guy friend that you had that you were only friends with, but you knew that he wanted more, asked you to hold hands with him while walking down the street 'just to try it'...

When you say, "just to try it" do you mean strictly holding hands or just to try and see if 'feelings' will engulf you? If her heart is set at the moment, this move may come off a bit forced, me thinks.

 

You really can't let go of this girl, can you? I had similar feelings for a girl, but I knew nothing was to come of it. When I wanted her, I was sad. I got over it as I wore my "other fish in the sea" t-shirt, and I think for your own well being and for your friendship with her, you should do the same.

 

I am selling those t-shirts for $55.95 + $3.95 shipping and handling if you're interested.

[monsieur]

thanks, I now accept that there is no chance and never will be a chance, and I think the friendship is ruined now too, but I am far from over her

 

I am not even going to think about hooking up with any women for now and maybe for a long long time (or ever), but there is a tiny bit of relief I am feeling in that the pressure to try and improve this 'relationship' is now gone, and all of my hope has been crushed to zero. I am now one of those depressed single people you see walking the aisles of the supermarket in the late evening doing his single grocery shopping for the night.

 

I'll never forget this girl, even though she mistreated me, but for the things that attracted me to her I will never find any other girl to measure up.

[monsieur]

well, she actually contacted me this evening to say she hoped I was ok and all, so I think the friendship is back on.... but I love her so much.... I must be friends with her, but it will result in me never going out with any other girls or ever finding true love, even though I know she will look elsewhere for intimacy

[beanpaper]

You would be better off to force yourself not to contact her. We women know damn well when a guy likes us. It's rude of her to keep leading you on and keep dragging you behind her as her friend. Realize that she is being mean and using you.

[shyanne]

if your only interested in being friends..... you should treat it like a friendship. i mean, as a woman...i wouldn't be walking down the street holding my girlfriends hand.. by doing so, that would give the person the wrong impression. like maybe there is a chance for more. if you don't want more, you don't and that just wouldn't be proper to do. misleading if you will.