Porn

[lovecrazy]

Ok how do you ladies deal with you husband/boyfriend/fiance looking at porn?

 

Does it bother you or what?

 

I was kinda I guess you could say going through my boyfriends computer, He usually downloads movies, etc. Well he down loaded some porn, and I asked him about it. And He got annoyed?

 

Is this because he is embarrassed, or privacy issue?

 

I have never had a problem with me going in and looking for something to watch (a movie he downloads) and he got annoyed now?

 

Why is this? How do you handle the porn issue?

[lovecrazy]

Oh and I dont think its so much him paying attention to porn, He made a statement the other day that He loves me but sometimes I am not enough....so it kinda hurt my feelings more, then he got what seemed defensive on it....

 

I dunno is there more to this than I am looking at or what? Am I over reacting?

[Süsser Tod]

Ok how do you ladies deal with you husband/boyfriend/fiance looking at porn?

 

Does it bother you or what?

 

I was kinda I guess you could say going through my boyfriends computer, He usually downloads movies, etc. Well he down loaded some porn, and I asked him about it. And He got annoyed?

 

Is this because he is embarrassed, or privacy issue?

 

I have never had a problem with me going in and looking for something to watch (a movie he downloads) and he got annoyed now?

 

Why is this? How do you handle the porn issue?

 

She watches it with me! My current and past GFs did the same, they really liked it.

[TiredMan]

I would get annoyed as well about a g/f spying on my computer. But I have A LOT of porn but it's very well hidden on my computer. She would have to be incredibly lucky to find it lol.

 

So why were you, as you say, going through his computer anyway?

[munchkin1607307375]

My boyfriend looks at porn and i don't mind, he's very honest with me and i know about it...there are lots of videos on his computer and magazines in the bathroom, but they are his room-mates too.... and i like watching the videos as well!!

I don't mind the porn as long as it doesn't effect how he feels about me... i did use to worry that he might be comparing me to the sexy ladies and wish i was more like them.... but he isn't and he's told me before that sometimes he just looks at the videos to see other ideas for what we can do together! which is fun!

[Daddy Bear]

i was gonna say that my woman tells me to move over, but tod kinda beat me to it.

[lovecrazy]

I would get annoyed as well about a g/f spying on my computer. But I have A LOT of porn but it's very well hidden on my computer. She would have to be incredibly lucky to find it lol.

 

So why were you, as you say, going through his computer anyway?

 

 

Darling I didnt see it as going through his computer, he always downloads, movies, and If I am waiting at his house, I have free access to them ( like movie theater movie, and normally not pron) which he usually keeps on his desktop. I have not gone through his documents, or his other stuff. That is the only thing I will look at. I want him to have his privacy, but I guess I am being insecure, espeically when He said sometimes I am not enough for him!

 

 

If it looks like a movie, that he downloaded, he usually has no problem with me clicking on it and watching it....

[heavensent]

Well, my husband does not look at porn so I don't know how to tell you to deal with this. He did when he was younger (16-18) for curiosty and stuff, like most boys do but now that he's older and has me he doesn't.

I have been with guys who did and it bothered me a ton...however, I didn't love them so it didn't necessarily hurt. If my husband did, it would break my heart. In my eyes it's cheating. I'm the only body he should be lusting after.. call me old fashioned but that's how I feel.

[orgasmictofu]

I don't mind whatsoever. The poor guy works in another province most of his time, and if all I have to deal with is him watching porn, I can sleep easy

 

The only time it becomes a problem is if you DO have a problem with it. Then you bring it up with your SO, and if both of you are not willing to compromise, then you've got yourself a problem. There is nothing wrong with a person who is uncomfortable with their SO looking at porn.

[lovecrazy]

I mean normally its not a problem...men have needs ya know....

 

I am being insecure because he said, I am not enough for him sometimes....I dunno...emotions blah sometimes I dont like being a girl

[heavensent]

I can't believe he said that to you. That's a horrible thing for a guy to say to his girlfriend. I tell him to enjoy his effin hand and fake women and leave the jerk! You can find a guy who thinks you are everything AND more.. that's what you deserve!

[Boricua7]

I don't mind my partner looking at porn but it's probably because I don't get defensive about it. Guys sometimes just want something purely physical. That's all. It doesn't mean you're not good enough.

 

...he said, I am not enough for him sometimes....

 

He actually said that!? What a jerk! This is a totally different issue. Did he mention WHY it is that you're not "good enough"?

[Lunabelle]

...men have needs ya know....

 

This may come as a real shock to some of you ladies, but this is a bunch of crap. It's a line they use to get into your pants.

 

Food is a need. Water is a need. Sleep is a need. Human interaction is a need. People die without these things. Men do not die without sex or orgasm. They may have wet dreams, they may get really really horny, but sorry, sexual release is not a NEED.

[TheLegend]

Sex is a basic need also, look at the triangle of needs again.

[TheLegend]

link removed

here's a link to it, "The Maslow pyramid is associated with the hierarchy of need theory that Maslow originated circa 1943. According to this theory the most basic need is related to physiological survival - air to breate, water to drink, food to eat and sex to procreate."

OR here,

link removed

" 1. Biological and Physiological needs - air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc."

[Hope75]

Eeek! Not Maslow again!

 

Win,

 

I wouldn't be bothered so much by the fact that he views porn from time to time. What would bother me is the incredibly insensitive thing he said about you not being enough.

 

Especially with what you've just been through recently, if it were me I'd be having a serious talk with him.

[Lunabelle]

Now for your real issue.

 

You two need to deal with this out loud.

You NEED to decide how you feel about it.

 

I thought I was okay with it.

Then it took over his life.

Magazines, videos, downloading.

Locking himself in the bedroom at all hours, day and night, to download more.

His family sitting in the next room while he's doing this.

It makes me hate him.

 

I thought I was okay with it because we could watch together and then have fun sex. Then I found him downloading horrible degrading scenes, and scenes with girls who look very much like a 14-year-old girl.

 

What WE think of this is not the issue.

You need to be able to talk about this stuff with him.

You need to be able to tell him when to draw the line.

 

You may find it perfectly acceptable if it's two loving people "making love". But sometimes it morphs into something quite different (him shoving her face in a used toilet while taking her from behind) and you are caught unawares.

 

My advice? Absolutely put your foot down and say, no way. Because it's a grey, slippery slope.

[Lunabelle]

Legend, please let me get this straight -- you're taking your sociological psychological information from studies done in 1943? Do you see anything wrong with this?

 

In 1943, women were told to smoke cigarettes during their pregnancy.

In 1943, black people were made to use different toilets.

 

Can you show me a study done in the 1980's or 1990's that says this?

[TheLegend]

Umm, nope, check the second link, SEX was number one in 1970, it was number one in 1990s AND it still is number one.

The first published version was 1943. Then it changed, the second page has those dates and differences.

[Lunabelle]

sex[/b] to procreate."

[/color][/font]

 

Ya, it says sex to procreate -- that means to make more humans. If humans didn't make more humans, hmmm that wouldn't work would it. So, yes, it is a need from the standpoint to not ending mankind.

 

It is NOT a physical need like food, water, sleep.

Otherwise all those men over the centuries who've taken a vow of celibacy (no catholic priest jokes here please!) would have died due to their needs not being met.

[Lunabelle]

Legend, it appears you don't actually understand the links you just quoted. Also I believe we've gotten off the issue here, sorry about that. But if you want to start a new thread on the subject, I'd be more than happy to help you understand this more.

 

Frankly your age tells me a lot. It's very convenient at age 20 to believe what you believe. Good luck with that.

[kellbell]

It does not bother me in the least if my boyfriend looks at porn. Heck, I have looked at it myself... my past boyfriends and have watched some porn flicks together. But if my boyfriend looked at it without me, I would be ok with it too. All in moderation. If it starts affecting our relationship and such...then yes, I would have a problem with it. Not with the porn itself persae, but with the obession and it hindering our relationship.

 

Winschica, what he said to you was incredibly insensitive and yes, I would be extremely hurt by that comment. I guess the next step is to talk about it and come to agreement on how to meet each other's needs.

 

P.S. Let us try to stay on topic and try to help out the orginial poster.

[Lunabelle]

P.S. Let us try to stay on topic and try to help out the orginial poster.

 

Yes, sorry, see my post #21.

[kellbell]

Ah....I see, I think we posted about the same time. hehe...

[TiredMan]

Porn is cheating? Oh cmon! That is just silly, I'm sorry.