i'm 17, he's 31

[mystwillow]

hi...this is my first posting here, and i'm already afirly sure of the response i'm going to get, but i just thought i'd give it a shot and see if maybe someone out there could give me understanding advice. i am seventeen years old and am having an affair with a 31-year-old married man. he is not lecherous or anything of the sort. he and his wife are very close friends of mine. i'd known him for about three years before i started sleeping with him. he did not ask me too; in fact, he asked me numerous times if this was what i wanted. he admitted to me one night that he "had a crush" on me, butit was his problem and he would deal with it. by then i was already attracted to him but did not want to admit it to myself because of the numerous factors standing in the way. we ended up talking for hours about our feelings, one thing led to another, and now i am sleeping with him. i truly love him, and i believe he feels the same about me. the weird thing is, i have not asked him to leave his wife; i don't want him to. they have two young children and neither of us want to screw up their lives, also, his wife is a close friend of mine. i know this whole situation is very cliche and there are many things society would say is wrong with it, but we are in love, and i believe that makes it right. if you're going to tell me to break it off, you're wasting your time, because i'm not going to, so don't bother. i don't know what kind of advice i expect; maybe i just wanted to talk about it and know i am not alone. if anyone out there can offer true, understanding, and sympathetic advice, please reply. thank you.

[eyyu]

hmm.....this is a tough one. i'm probably not the best person to get advice from, but maybe you should wait until your 18 at least. so then he wont get in trouble if anyone else finds out?

[cakes]

Hey you....

 

Yeah its' tough to give you advice b/c i know you're quite certain in staying with this guy. Setting all feelings aside, you must consider hte facts alone as is - Married man, 2 kids....In your position its tough for you and for him, he'snot going to jump out and tell his wife right away what is going on because he is squite in a triangle...i know it is possible for ppl to have affairs its on the same line as having a bf and seeing a hot guy down the street and going 'damnn' Except you need to understand the meanings of these words "Limits" "Conscience" "Morals"....

 

When you're in love...the mind is clouded and you will never think clear because love will take you astray on a strong path you will die and fight for til the end to keep the love you have....But don't think of this short term feeling...Think down the road long term....Ask yourself, can you see this man leaving his beloved wife and kids for a kid who hasn't even begun "life"....Like i mean i am only 19 but ...i already see life in a different perspective.....and i'm sure it will keep changing as i get older but anyway...Keep your thoughts in Perspective and read facts as it is....he is married...Say if you were in his shoes..You were married to this guy you are so in love with you have kids ..u've begun your family just have begun your family u're only 30 things are sitll quit erelatively new and your husband is having an affair with a young school girl...like i dont know... Honestly in my opinion..I believe it is possible that he is in love with you but he is a man who can think for himself and what is best for hismelf and that is keeping his family together ..in teh end i have a feeling that is what it might be despite the love you have for eachother...

 

Best of luck

[alwaysafraid]

I don't really understand how you can say this woman is a good friend of yours. I know that I would never do that to any of my friends and they wouldn't do it to me. If she knew what you were doing behind her back do you think that she would still consider you her friend. I am not trying to be mean, but of course he will say he loves you, it keeps bringing you back doesn't it. This guy wants his picture perfect marriage with the hot young thing on the side. You said that you won't leave, but have some respect for yourself and realize that you deserve someone who will love only you. Are you just going to keep seeing this guy indefinitely never having hope for a relationship? If he would leave his wife for you do you honestly think that he wouldn't cheat on you too. There are some guys and girls that are just like that. Again I am not trying to be mean, but I don't see a chance for an honest and respectful relationship. Without honesty love isn't sincere. I hope that you see the value in yourself not to have someone else's leftovers.

[bad girl]

okay it seems that your situation is quite unique bec. you are cheating and here you are proud of it, why? bec. if in case you didn't know that your hurting not only your friend (the wife of the 31-year old man) but also yourself, just imagine this you are just 17 and there are million of guys in the world that can give you much better.. i guess they are right, sooner or later when the right one for you comes along you would realize that you are a total loser.. how sure are you that he loves you when infact he can manage to have his wife and you at the same time..think girl? where's the brain? be intelligent, what if he is just physically attracted to you bec. you are younger.. think and think.

[glassbell]

In a way I know what you're going through because in a way i've been there too, when I was around your age. Only I didn't give in, and he took his distance before we even got the chance to express any of the feelings we both knew we had and we never had any physical contact either. But still, I think I can understand your current feelings a little, and I've thought about it a great deal.

 

So I am not going to judge you in any way, what happened to you, was that you and he have crossed this very thin line of intimacy and you felt you had no way back. You know all too well what happened, and what the consequences will be if it comes out (you'll loose him, and her because she'll be very hurt, the affair will have major bad impact on their marriage, will hurt their kid, and you'll be left feeling miserable and perhaps worthless for a while. That is just the raw facts.), but fact is, you cannot turn back time so it is useless to receive only judgements of people.

 

Simply useless to look back, it is now time to look at your current situation and the future. After all, though you're enjoying it now, your affair will lead to nothing, and the sad fact is, you'll ALWAYS loose. I can only advise you to write down the facts for yourself. Draw a vertical line and summarize the nice aspects about the affair on the left, the negative effects of it on your life and others on the right. Look at them, please try be realistic, and make up your mind. Remember the earlier you decide to end it, the smaller the damage to all of your lifes will be.

 

Whatever you decide, just know you're not alone and there'll be plenty of other people who'll love you and who you can love. He is not the centre of the world.

 

Good luck, and pm me if you want to talk

~Glassbell

[bettiepagerules]

ok you want to stay with him, correct?

 

You have to ask yourself do I want to be with man for the long haul-

 

*If yes, you need to know nothing productive will come out of you sleeping with a married man (unless you just wanted a quick orgasm) and you need him to break it off. Yes it's going to disrupt his quiet little typical suburb family it sounds like but it's never good to stay in a relationship "for the children" because it's better to be in a household where there is no fighting than it is to be in one where there is fighting. Kids are preceptive and will be able to tell if there parents aren't getting along.

 

If he doesn't break it off than you know he isn't serious about you.

 

*If you answer no to the 1st question, then you need to ask yourself what you are getting out of this and if you want to continue sleeping with him.

[/b]

[doorik]

The guy is usung you as a sex toy and you can't even see it...

[charger]

dude thats just wrong, your 17, and hes 31. he has a famiyhe has kids. leave them alone. there life was happy befor you came into the picture, so why are you going to mess up there life for your pleasure. thats just being jealous. you cant have what you want, so your going to ask him to leave his wife. think it through, he has a life, and YOUR NOT IN IT. 0X

[bettiepagerules]

I love how the man has no impulse control, charger, it's all her fault, that a married man slept with her. Yah right? That's like calling a guy a player and the female a hoe. BS! I'm sure you are a very pretty girl. You have nothing to be ashamed about. I'm a really open minded individual who also has liked my share of married men but nothing has ever come of it. I'm glad because I know if my husband cheated on me, I'd be very hurt. I am a firm believer in monogomous relationships, I still can be attracted to them though, I don't think there is anything wrong with that, and if one of them ever went past our usual flirting, to be honest I don't know what would happen. One time I my opportunity to have a sexual relationship with someone around my age, early 20's, very cute guy and cooked for me, very nice but I didn't go through with it, sometimes I feel regretful because I like the idea of having sex right now but I left the room because I wasn't comfortable. That was a few years ago actually and I'm always replaying that week in my head.

 

I think that the wife should find out that you and this man are having a relationship. Who knows, you know Rudy Guliani? He has a wife and a mistress openly. So if that's what you're into then what the hell. You need to talk to him.