spend easter with the ex?

[byates5637]

I have been hanging out with my ex alot lately. we spent the whole day together yesterday. I talked to my mom when i was with her, and my mom suggested i invite her to spend easter with us. So i did....even though i had serious doubts about doing it. She said yes.

 

I feel like i am going crazy because i love my ex so much but she just doesn't want me back. She does want to spend alot of time with me and do things like we are boyfriend and girlfriend. For example, last night we went out to eat at a nice resteraunt and everone there just assumed we were a couple. The waiter called me her boyfriend, and it was never clarified that we were ex's. So sometimes her actions do seem like we are still dating...but everytime i try to ask her about if we could try to get back together she says no. Yea i know i need to do NC...but it is just so hard.

 

So now i am stuck with her coming to easter with my family. I want her to, but i know it is going to be a bad idea. I feel like i can't uninvite her though.

[DN]

Why does she want to spend time with you and yet not be your girlfriend?And why to you allow her to do that?

[byates5637]

I wish i knew the answers to those questions DN. She tells me she still loves me and cares about me so much, but our relationship just didn't work out. She says she still wants me in her life. This girl used to be head over heals, would do anything, in love with me. I really don't understand how after 3 years of being like that, now she can want to have this completely platonic "best friend" relationship with me...sooo confusing.

 

And i don't know why i am allowing her to do it. I guess i have just become this weak insecure guy who is trying to hang on to any part of her that is left for me. I wish i could find my strength again.

 

Also...she is not dating anyone else. In fact, i am the only guy she even talks to outside of her family. It makes me feel like i have a shot...even though i probly don't

[Beyondthesea]

I don't think that having her over for Easter is a good idea, but you're pretty much stuck with it now.

 

After that I would enforce strict no contact and move on friend. It's too hard to leave yourself hanging like this.

[byates5637]

yea beyondthesea, you are right. It is way to hard to keep myself hanging like this. I can't focus on anything i need to do in life because i am always thinking about her.

 

We broke up 2 months ago. I have tried NC twice already. First time was from the day we broke up, until a month later. Then we started hanging out for the next few weeks. Then about 2 weeks ago i exploded on her over the phone and said all kinds of mean things to her. I figured she would never want to talk to me again. So i did 9 more days of NC and then i caved and called her. She was happy to hear from me. So since then we have been hanging out again.

 

I can't ever keep NC. I always give in when i start missing her too much, because i know she is always available and will come see me whenever i want her too.

 

She is moving accross the country in 4 or 5 months to goto school. I am very worried about her because she is going all by herself and she has never been on her own before. But i figure if i can't force myself to do NC before then...it will happen anyway. But then again yesterday she told me she will pay for me to come visither at school....

[DN]

Chances are that she wants to have some sort of social life and you are filling that need until she finds another boyfriend.

 

Don't let her do this to you and don't do it to yourself. If and when she wants to get back together then you can decide what to do then. Until then you should go no contact- and ask your mother to understand why.

[byates5637]

I wish there was a drug i could take to forget about her. I tried alcohol and weed but they just make it worse ;(

 

I feel so empty. How can she do this to me? How can someone's feelings change so much? Love is such a cruel cruel feeling.

 

I have loved 2 girls in my life, i still love both of them, and i would be willing to rebuild a relationship with either one of them(of course i would much rather have it be with my most recent ex). But niether of these girls want me anymore. I just don't understand how you can be passionatly in love with someone at one time, and then not so long later feel nothing towards them.

 

I think after easter i am really going to try my hardest to do NC. I really hope i suceed this time....but i have never been able to do it before. I might go to see a councelor...

[Lady Bugg]

Byates...

 

You haven't given yourself suffiecient time OR space to even BEGIN getting over this. Spending time with your ex is NOT going to help you. Breaking up with someone is just that...breaking UP. If she broke up with you, then she needs to live with that decision...period. Yes, it hurts, yes it sucks and yes it's hard, but "hanging out" with your ex is NOT fair to YOU...and you know it.

 

Stop hanging out with your ex and being chummy. She gave up that right.

Find some guy friends to hang out with. Go play ball....get in shape...and if you think you need counseling then go for it. Chances are all you REALLY need is to create distance between you and your ex. You may find your healing process will be MUCH faster if you aren't seeing her all the time!!!

As you said...you've never really given NC a chance....well you need to start.

The sooner the BETTER.

Best in all!!

[thegoodgirl04]

I totally agree with Lady Bugg, you know that it's not right to be hanging out with her, that's why you posted the question here!! You can do it! The only way to move on is to break contact. I know it's hard and it stinks but it's the only way to move on. I know, I've been doing it myself for the last 3 weeks. But just think, if I kept in contact with my ex, I may miss a really great person. It didn't work out for a reason and you have to accept it. I know it's painful but it's just part of life.

[byates5637]

I have alot of guy friends and i hang out with them all the time, but it doesn't help very much. I go to the gym 4 days a week...only a little help. I have done 4 weeks of NC and at the end i missed her more then i did in the beginning

 

 

Well i guess i am not spending easter with her after all. She called me early this morning when i was sleeping - i didn't answer. I called her back when i woke up. I told her we were leaving in an hour and she said she has a bad hangover so that is not enough time for her to get ready.

 

Great....I guess NC starts now...again...

[Lady Bugg]

So spend MORE time with them Byates. Spend Easter with your family. I think you are stuck in a place you can't seem to get out of, but the fact is..YOU are keeping yourself there. That is YOUR choice. Four weeks of NC after a 3 year relationship is NOTHING. No wonder you can't get over her!!!

 

The choice to move on is up to you.....no one else is going to do it FOR you...

[DN]

One of the reasons that people have such a hard time with no contact is because they are still so much in love with the ex that any crumb of contact is better than no contact at all. Even just being able to think about the ex, no matter how painful those thought are, is better because there is still a connection - a tenuous and one way connection but still a connection. So long as there is a connection there is hope of getting the ex back. All this because the emotions are still in charge.

 

It is only when you allow your rational self to over-rule the emotions and you realise there is no hope of getting the ex back that the essentially destructive and harmful final connection can be broken. Only then can you truly move on, get past the loss and move on in your life to find somebody else.

[Lady Bugg]

Well said DN