a friendship lost.. i am left in pain..

[ariyadhana]

Hello,

 

I haven't posted on here for a while. Basically, my best friend whom I've known for two and a half years and I have been fighting pretty much constantly over the last year- I was jealous of his relationships, insecure, generally depressed and whiney, etc. It got to a point in January where he told me he no longer considered me his best friend, and that he wanted a break to get over his anger towards me.. So we took a month, things seemed better after that. I thought we were starting to rebuild. Then I broke a promise to him (I looked at one of his blogs that I promised I would stay off).. When I told him about this he freaked on me, and it is understandable as I did break a promise when things weren't very strong between us to begin with.. Anyways he refused to talk to me for several weeks, saying that he needed time.. I got tired of waiting and about a week ago I sent him an email saying that if he didn't want to be my friend anymore he should just tell me.. And so he did. "I do not wish to be your friend right now".. It's the most awful thing he's ever said to me.. I feel like we went from best friends to nothing in like 6 months.. It's horrible and I don't know what to do. This is complicated by the fact that he just moved to a new city 2000 miles away in January, which doesnt make for the best situation to try and mend things. I'm so heart wrenched though, I've never had such a close friendship and now I have driven him away.. I don't know what to do, I know I have to work on myself. I am so mad that it has come to this though, that I pushed him this far.. He was truly someone special and now I am at a loss and feel so empty and broken.. I got weak today and tried calling him but he hung up on me. I know everyone is just going to say go no contact but it is so hard and painful as I don't have any other close friends really and I am so mad at myself for ruining this

[NJRon]

You're 23. I can only assume he is about your same age. What kind of best friends hide stuff or throw stuff in each other's faces? There seems more here than simple "friendship".

[ariyadhana]

It is time to let go, or at least take a break.. I realize that. I just hate that I drove him to this point. I had feelings for him, and combined with my depression that lead to all sorts of jealousy and insecurity issues.. I pushed him away so much and put him through so much to the point where he just said enough is enough. I called him on Friday and he hung up on me immediately. I don't know what to do.. I feel so heart broken and empty without him, it's like going through a breakup.. Tonight is so painful I just want to call him and beg with him to give me another chance. This is the last thing that was ever supposed to happen.. He told me how much he cared about me and how this would never happen. I feel betrayed but I am trying to understand. I also know calling and begging isnt going to do any good.. I just feel so pathetic and needy right now and dont know how to cope.

[reality_writer]

I know sorta how you feel..... I mean about wanting to talk to him and can't. I was always a firm believer that by giving someone time, that it would fix everything..... but really.....people move on too quickly, either they are tired of being hurt, or are afraid of getting hurt.....

I wanna call my friend up sooooo badly....but I know we'll end up yelling at each other.

The fact that he hung up on you, says that he's angry, and if he's angry he has to still care..........because if he didn't, he'd be able to talk to you like an old - out of touch friend, he hasn't seen in awhile.......

 

I think maybe, if the way you've been trying to handle things isn't working, that maybe working on yourself a bit could help. If you can see the things that are wrong, and understand them, than you can honestly fix them. But before making ammends with a friend who's not being very pleasant to you at the moment, maybe you can work on making yourself happy, and pre-occupied with other things. Try a new hobby? The more you better yourself, the better you'll be at fixing a friendship.

 

does that help? or did I just sound preachy lol....

[ariyadhana]

No you are right.. It's what I'm trying to do, work on myself. It's just so hard to get past the pain of him being out of my life and the uncertainty of our friendship. I know if I had him back in my life today it would be the same old crap.. But then there's the fear of losing him forever through this break... Yet it's the only option I worry that he'll never forgive me but I guess that's outside my control and all I can do is work on myself.

[Third Wheel]

I am kind of going through the same thing with a friend of mine as well. Maybe, you can try send him an actual hand written card (I think people react to these better then email, or phone calls, because they can open it at their own time, and they can "pretend" to have thrown it away, or not read it). Say something along the lines of an apology? If you guys were best friends, there's still some kind of bond or relationship there...

 

And besides, in his e-mail back to you, he did say "...be your friend right now." Maybe he still needs time, so try keep on e-mailing him, or sending him some form of contact, so he knows that you still care. I'd say don't call him, because he might not be ready for it, and that might add to the tension...

 

I personally can't hold a grudge, or not forgive someone, no matter what they've done. Maybe you could try to work on something to get you out of your depression. Like reality_writer said, get your life together, but don't completely cut him off. Give him the oppurtunity to still forgive you (if its your fault that is), and he hopefully will eventually. I know that I forgive people at the drop of a hat, as long as they look like they want to be forgiven. (I'll forgive them anyways, but its so much easier if they want you too)

[wexmen]

From what i have just read , i am now realize that life could be such difficult.

[reality_writer]

It's so bizarre how people relate or react to other people isnt it.....

I kind of believe that, if you once upon a time cared about someone, that you never really stop feeling that, you just block it with the anger or resentment you feel towards that person. If we could learn to get past feeling that, then the caring can come back... but by this point most people give up and move on, and by doing so never really ful-filling out the entire friendship, just leaving it as is. It's a shame really.......

 

lol that's my thought of the moment.