I want to call him

[Meeky]

Today is Day 5 of no contact. Well, that isn't entirely true. Yesterday was four days with NC. I had a really miserable day. I missed him. I cried at work. It was horrid. I considered calling him, but kept telling myself it would do me no good. I stayed strong. I walked home, cleared my head and pulled myself together.

 

Only to get home to an email from him. He wanted to come pick up his bike from our flat (he still has some stuff here). I have no problem with that. But his email was more than just asking permission to pick it up. He started by saying he was lost, that he had no motivation to do anything anymore without me in his life. That he missed me, that he was miserable, that he can't get me out of his head. He asked how I was doing, hoped I was okay. Also said that he is working hard on his problems and issues, and trying to sort things out in his head.

 

Argh. It threw me a bit. I wanted to reply, but thought, what would the point be? I would tell him I miss him too? But we won't get any further with the original problem. Which is that he cannot be open and honest with me. He has to WANT to change, and he just doesn't at this point. Maybe he never will.

 

He picked up his bike today, and now, for some weird reason, I want to call. I want to hear his voice. I KNOW there is no point, but that doesn't stop the desire. He asked my sister (who was home) to say hi from him and also asked if I was okay.

 

This is SO hard. I am leaving the city for good in a week, so I guess the both of us are freaking a bit, cause that is such a FINAL thing. I don't know. I was thinking maybe I should NOT call now, give myself the week, and if I still feel the same, call him on my last day to say goodbye? Would that be a mistake? Or should I just cut him totally out of my life?

 

I want us to be together again, but not how things were. I don't know if they can EVER work out (am trying to accept that) but I just don't know what to do or how to act.

 

Any advice?

[itsallgrand]

Hmm. You sound confused. I'm sorry things are so rough right now.

 

Well, you know you two are still in contact right? NC means: nada. No emails. No picking up bikes. etc.

 

I think it's pretty normal that after seeing or hearing from someone we have had such deep feelings for, we want to see 'em again. It's like a mental trigger that puts that person back in our frontal vision.

 

I have no clue what you need to do. Sorry. But I understand that it's tough for you right now.

[SilverCloud]

If you know for certain that things will not work out between you two then continue with the no contact.

 

Its gona be hard and its gona play tricks with your head, but you have to stay strong. When you get an urge to talk to him or contact him post over here and we all are here for you.