No Sex for Me.

[jnelson]

So I recently started hanging out with my one time ex of 5 years...its been about 2 years since we were "together" although we have been unofficially on and off ever since. I used to go to school on the other side of the country and she was coming out to visit me even when we weren't together on a regular basis.

 

This year it turns out we are in the same city for school....in September we tried to work things out and be together but it just wasn't working...for the rest of the year (up until about a month ago) we didn't speak 1 word to each other...and then somehow we ended up talking again (she called me) and we've been hanging out since....we are 22 and 21

 

When we were together we had a great and active sex life...we usually had sex on a daily basis and things were fine...any time I initiated anything she responded...never had any problems at all.

 

Now that we are hanging out things are a lot different....like I said we have been talking/seeing each other almost every day for the last month....we have spent the night together probably 7 or 8 times but have actually had sex only 2-3 times in the last month.

 

If I initiate she usually puts an end to it, and now I'm to the point where I don't even bother initiating anymore. She says she feels like all I want to do is have sex with her.....this isn't the case - we have had great times together (went out of town to shop/catch an NBA game, out to a club with her friends etc) in the last month without any sex at all and I have told her this.

 

I am wondering if this problem stems from how she views herself or if I actually am trying to have sex with her too much. Does she have some emotional issues she has to get over? I really don't know anymore.

 

By the way, she is going away for the summer (starting in two weeks) and then away to China for a year.

 

What do you guys think of this?

[DN]

Putting aside the issue of the sex( or lack thereof) for a moment. Do you see this relationship surviving her absense for such a long time?

[jnelson]

I do see a real possibility of this continuing as we successfully survived distance for a period of time before. Also I will be travelling next year (graduating this year) and would lilkely be able to visit her a period of time...she will also only be gone for 1 year at the most..

[DN]

Then I think you need to have a talk with her about this - not an argument but where both of you state what you want from the relationship in terms of support, romance, love, sex etc.

 

It could be that if she feels the relationship won't last for some reason that she is uncomfortable having sex with you.