Assorted bag of questions

[JonathanJonathan]

Hey everyone. I just have a few questions to ask:

 

1. Is kissing on the first date appropriate?

 

On my first date with Her, it seemed like She was stalling time with me so I could lay one on Her, which I didn't out because of my lack of cahones.

 

2. Do opposites attract?

 

I get along with Her person to person but we are clearly different people with different tastes in music, style and definitely humor. And I definitely can't relate to her friends, nor even talk to them.

 

3. Do girls get ticked when you take things slow?

 

I really want to stablish a friendship with Her before taking things further. We went on a short date but I'm not planning on walking her to every one of her classes at school anytime soon. She, on the otherhand, seems to want to take things faster, which I concluded by Her complimentary texts, Her kiss on my cheek on our first date and Her aggressiveness in asking me to go to a kick-back she would be going to. No clue what to do.

[iceberg21]

1. Depends on your own views, the date itself, and her views as well. If she was more or less giving you the right signals, then why not. But if you couldn't work up the nerve, no worries, been there before.

 

2. In my experience, no. I've been with women who just didn't understand when I was making a joke and everything kinda bottomed out from there. The humour aspect is a tough one to get over. Same with the friends thing. Its hard when you have zero in common with the people she likes to hang out with. Also been there.

 

3. Depends on the girl. For the most part, I'd have to say no. But if you mean taking things slow for the first 3 or 4 dates, that should be just fine. I once decided to take things slow, more for an experiment than anything, and by the time it started to pick up, she suddenly "didn't know what she wanted". So you kind of have to be careful with that one. Take your cues from her. If its too fast for you, you can let her know, but that may come back to bite you too. All depends on what you're comfortable with. A lot of what you're asking depends on the individual situation, and its hard to provide concrete answers. But if she's still down being out with you, I'd say you're in business.

[JonathanJonathan]

Thanks iceberg21.

 

1. She doesn't seem offended or heartbroken about that kiss-less night, so I'll make sure when I do give it, it'll be under the most special circumstances so she'll be happy she didn't get mad.

2. This is quite tough. I have pretty blunt/sarcastic humor while she's I-don't-know-what kind of humor. I really like this girl, so I'll try to work with it. Same with her friends, though it seems like she's cool if we just go out alone, which is great.

3. She seems fine with this as well because she's still talking to me. She's trying to initiate a date, which brings me to my next situation...

 

So, I went to this kickback and she was there. I said Hi but I couldn't muster enough courage to talk to her in the presense of her friend. So for maybe four hours I didn't say a word to her, until it was time to go and she said bye! I felt like such a lil school girl pansy.

I guess she talked to her friends about this and she talked to me again, noting that she thought it's "cute" that I'm shy. Argh, it's so hard to admit, but I am, and now that she knows it I feel insignificant compared to the other guys that talked to her that night. She was actually apologizing to me for not talking to me...argh...I really like this girl, really like this girl, really really like this girl. What do you guys see in the future if I do try to continue this relationship?

[iceberg21]

What do you mean IF you try to continue it? Let's take a look at some things here. You were too shy to talk to her with her friends there. Okay, no big deal, most of us have been in that spot before. But then actually WENT OUT OF HER WAY to apologise to you for not having time to talk. Thats pure gold man. I'll bet all those other guys that talked to her never got an apology for her not talking to them very much. Now, the fact that she thinks its cute that you're shy is beautiful. But be careful with this one. That'll only get you so far before she thinks you don't like her. I'd venture to say she likes you as much as you like her, but you are gonna need to take advantage of this situation soon.

[JonathanJonathan]

I see what you mean, and I'm freaking ecstatic! With spring break coming up, I'll have plenty of time to spend with her so I'll make sure to keep you updated on your patient (me).

 

I was just wondering though, since I can't get along with her friends all that great (it's not that we're hostile or we don't like each other; I just feel like we're really different and I don't want to say anything stupid), is it safe to allow her to chill with her friends while I chill with mines at school? Both of us are really close with our friends, so I'm thinking it would be best for the sake of our closer relationships. But then again I'm worried she might take it the wrong way and think I'm embarrassed to be with her/not eager to spend time with her/don't like her friends.

[iceberg21]

Thats the best thing you can do. I've only had one relationship in which I didn't like her friends. We were just totally opposite, but I still put a smile on my face every time I saw them. Without a doubt, you want to keep your friends and still hang out with them a lot. That said, you obviously don't wanna entirely distance yourself from her and her own circle. You're gonna have to keep a good balance of spending time with your friends, still seeing her and that may include her friends. The main thing is making sure you don't alienate both your and her friends. All in all, I don't think she'd be too upset if you spent time away from her with your friends. It sounds like you've got a great thing going, and like you've got a good handle on girls. You're a helluva lot further along than I ever was at 17...or 18....or 19. Keep on truckin, you're in good shape.