Confused a bit

[Drew]

Hello,

 

I have been in a relationship for 3 years now.

I am 27 and currently living with my gf.

 

I am at a stage in my life where I am looking at settling down once I get a few things in my life sorted out (i.e. good job, finish my schooling etc..)

 

I am recently thinking more serious about how compatible my gf and I are.

We have lived together for 6 months and I am not too sure exactly how I feel anymore.

 

It seems like things are getting boring and life is becoming to be just the same old stuff over and over again.

 

She is a great girl and I care about her a lot. I don't see me not being happy, but I can't say to myself that "she is the one" yet.

 

We are very dependant on each other now that we have moved in together. In this day and age its hard to survive on your own with the cost of everything.

 

I worry that if I said we should take a break we both would be struggling to survive.

I know that might seem selfish but what do you do.

 

So I guess my question is..

 

Do I have some sort of "cold feet", am I thinking too far ahead?

I don't want to lead her on and then come to a complete realization that I don't want to be with her.

I guess that's something I have to decide.

 

Has anyone else been "unsure" at a similar stage in a relationship? Or should I expect my heart to just know the answer

[LittleLisa]

You said you 'care' for your girlfriend a lot but are you 'in' love with her or do you simply love her. There is a difference between being 'in' love and loving someone. You can love a variety of things such as I love this book etc But you can only be 'in' love with one person.

 

You need to answer the above question for yourself.

 

Any relationship after a period of time can become a bit 'same-oldy' and you feel a little 'comfortable' with each other. Sometimes the rush that occurs at the beginning of a relationship 'dies' but there are a variety of ways you can add spice to your relationship. JOin a club together is an idea.

 

OR, it could be that you feel you are tow much in each other's pockets. The reference to dependency suggests that maybe you need a bit more 'your own time' so do somethign wiht mates without your spouse, join a club of your own. Just make some yout ime-but do other things with your partner. This way you may not feel quite so dependent on each other but can have a blossoming relationship.

 

Lisa x x x

[FCTex]

I think your beginning to get stuffy...

 

Living together seriously changes the way you see your significant other.

 

And while it's so disheartening to think of the financial obligations as a reason to stay put for the time being, and the fact that you don't know what your wanting, is making it harder..

 

If your so dependent on her, I'd suggest not a break, but possibly doing your own thing without her more often.. Go out with friends. Go out with other people and don't feel obligated to do anything with her from time to time. Tell her that..

 

When you moved in, that was new, exciting, and now it's died off and it's just a daily grudge, from day-to-day.. I think a change of scenery might be in effect, and I think putting off on thinking about feeling obligated to make plans for the future with her, and feeling oblifated to spend every waking minute with her, or around her.

[Drew]

Thank you all for the replys

if anyone has more please post !

 

I agree with alot of the suggestions . I will try some out!

 

I also might talk to her a bit just on how she feels our relationship is going and in what direction and maybe open some doors up to see how she feels. There is no use in hidding feelings.

[crvers]

Alright this is very weird for me because this sounds exactly like what I was going thru before my ex and I broke up. This may not be the same situation, but I'll show u what happened when I started to question the relationship:

 

Read my thread:

 

It gonna be a bit of a read but I think it may help u in what not to do in approaching this situation. There is something about the first 6 months of living together that makes u question the relationship. Its the same as the first 6 months, year, and then second year of dating in a relationship. It seems everyone goes thru the same rolls about where they are and how they feel.

 

The first 4 months is the honeymoon, everything is perfect and u both are getting along fine. But then sacrifices are made...ie not hanging with ur buds as much, not going out anymore and staying in fer quiet nights. etc etc etc.

 

From my experience, talk to ur girlfriend. Its gonna be a difficult conversation but if ur gonna see marriage in the future u NEED to be able to talk about everything. Your fears, wants, thought about the future. One of my best friends said that to me and I didn't follow his advice. I wish i should have. It may have helped in my situation.

 

Remember, everyone like to talk about the good stuff and avoid the bad. Sometimes the bad is needed to proceed forward in a relationship. For all u know she's going thru the same thing.

 

About the redundancy in the relationship: spice it up. I found that a "date night" was always a good thing. 1 night where u two plan to do something as if u were teenagers...summer is on the bend...whether it be going to the beach fer a romantic picnic at sunset....taking a walk, going to a movie...maybe an old makeout spot u used to use when u were younger. Try to go back to the dating stage can help with that.

[FCTex]

I couldn't agree more.

 

Add that level of "new" to your relationship. Make it an open book with your girlfriend, and let her know you you feel.

 

A Date night one day a week, if that plausible with your schedule and finances, sounds great!

 

Also a girls night and guys night.. Let her know that one day during the weekend you'd like to go do your own thing. Be it sit at the house while she goes out.. Or you go wash your car, and ride around with the windows down.. See your friends.. Do something different..

 

I think your getting bored, and the living situation has you feeling like she's practically on top of you, which is no way to live!

[crvers]

Thats true.

 

U definitely need to create some alone time fer urself. If u don't have time to sort out your owns thoughts about your life you'll go absolutely crazy. I started to go for a beer with my guy friends every friday evening...and get home late. My ex never seemed to mind since she had to work early the following morning so she went to bed early. BUt that gave me the extra little freedom to do something for myself. Oh but don't start taking advantage of that, remember to try and include her sometimes to make her fel important too.

 

The financial burden part that some have brought up: thats something u'll have to realize. You took the relationship to the next level by moving in. thereforeeee you two will start having to coexist. I am not saying u have to hand her the paycheck, but ur money is now becoming more of "OUR" money. As the relationship becomes more serious, u need to start to work more as a team then as ur own personal identities. I had that problem and realized my mistake. I know what ur going thru, because I went thru the same rolls.

[RayKay]

People have given you some great advice!

 

It is so important that you work at keeping the relationship "alive". Oftentimes when you move in together (before or after marriage) people get comfortable, the daily grind sets in, and people forget to nourish the relationship. They stop going on dates, they stop learning about one another, they stop doing their OWN thing as well. So they begin to get bored, feel trapped, feel like they are losing themselves and start doubting things.

 

It is so important to take time to yourself - continue being the person SHE fell in love with, allow her the freedom to continue being the person YOU fell for. I never understand why when people get together, they end up giving up all their hobbies, interests, passions....then are you really the person you were they fell for anymore? Doing this allows you to bring more BACK to the relationship, to learn about each other, and to miss each other!

 

My boyfriend and I have been living together now for over 14 months now, and I honestly love it. It was a change for me as I have lived on my own before that for 4 years, and had never even had a roommate! But it has been great, it really has made it feel like "home". But we both still do our own thing - our own training/athletics, go out with our friends separately time to time, and still give each other quality one on one time.

 

Remember that love is an action too, it's a choice. Make the choice to nourish your relationship, to love, to bond, and to also take time to yourself as individuals.