whats wrong with my dad?

[lilsmc]

every since my father went back to college to get his masters, he has shut everyone completely OUT! he bought himself a new computer and is on the internet or doing his homwork ALL DAY!!! he even quit his job, which has left us in some financial problems!! he doesnt even talk to my mother or myself. the only time he'll say something is when hes having some trouble trying to use the computer and needs help! it really frustates me, becuase he locks himself in the damn computer room ALL DAY. He doesnt go out unless its for class. He won't even go visit his newborn grandaughter, unless his having some trouble again with his computer and has to go ask my brother in law for help! im starting to really dislike him. AND MY POOR MOTHER HAS TO DEAL WITH HIS CRAP ALL THE TIME! i have told my mom that we need to seriusly leave him, because hes making everyone soo unhappy. SHe feels bad, and wont leave him. My dad has always been a quiet person, but now it has gotten to the point where i live with a total stranger. HE knows absolutly nothing about me, like how im doing, or how school is going for me. THis guy that i work with DEFINITLY knows A lot more about me, sometimes i wish my father was more like him! I dont really like to say this, but i just cant help feeling this way towards him. I wish i could bring it up, but i feel so weird about it.. I dont even know how i bring this topic up. OH, the only time he opens up is when he is DRUNK!!! he'll start asking me questions like how everything is going for me, and I GET SOOO MAD AND SAY TO HIM " LET ME GUESS, UR DRUNK!! n juss walk out on him. WHY CANT HE BE LIKE THAT WHEN HE IS COMPLETELY SOBER!! I'm feeling soo upset about this whole situation. I JUST try not to show it and try to stay happy for my mother only. HOW can a person stay HOME all day without interacting with others! it would seriously drive me crazy. I want to scream at him !! but if i do i will probably start crying from so much anger. My mother and myself work(i also go to college) ALL DAY and its so aggravating to come home and find him juss there doing absolutly nothing. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING.

[WildChild]

I know it is difficult to feel ignored when you so desperately want to be recognized and acknowledged

 

Your dad's decision to get his masters can be for many reasons. One is it could provide for the family more, or it could be a personal goal that he wants to fulfill. Maybe if you look at it like if you were going for your masters or a degree, you would want your parents support. As hard as it is on your family and financially, try to support your Dad the best you can. Working towards your masters takes a lot of time and effort. It also takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears. I know it is frustrating, and maybe you can tell him that. Tell him you are proud he is doing this, but you also feel like you and your Mom aren't even there when he locks himself up. Suggest that maybe one night a week you have family night so that he can enjoy the family.

 

My father is an alcoholic, so I know what it is to deal with someone when they are drunk. Although it shouldn't be an excuse, alcohol makes you feel less inhibited. You mention that your Dad is very quiet normally unless he drinks. When he drinks, it probably "loosens" him up enough to ask you how you are doing, what is new, etc... If he comes from a very reserved family, he may not even know how to carry on conversations in a normal day-to-day life. He may also feel or see how you feel about him, and that too could be preventing him to talk because he isn't sure how to approach you.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope that maybe some of the things I have said or suggested may open up new avenues on how to approach or look at the situation and your Dad.

[KweenofDenyl]

Your father might be dealing with an addiction to the internet, depression, or any number of things. Telling your mom to leave him is probably only making it worse for her. There are probably things going on in their relationship that you don't know (and shouldn't, it's between them) that either create some of this or are the result.

You are understandably very upset by his behavior- I would be too! But you can't change him. He may decide to change on his own but you and your mom can't change him. The only thing you CAN change is how YOU react to all this.

Since you are in college, can you go to the student health center and see a counselor there? A counselor or therapist might be a good idea for right now, when so much is going on at home and you're just trying to get through school and your job.