Slowly dying...need advice

[NewlywedinMD]

OK, here is an update, I need some help. My wife of 3 months has taken short term lease to sort out her feelings. We have been together for 6 years, now that we are married she doesn't know how she feels. I am dying here. I don't know what to do, how to act. We started councseling, and have had only 3 sessions (2 together 1 alone). The latest session has left me feeling like an ahole that didn't do anything right in 6 years. My wife isn't sure that we can make it. I want it to work more than anything.

 

I am falling apart. I am trying to remain as postive as I can. Friends and family say I need to prepare for the worst. I can't give up right now. My heart is litterly empty.

 

I am embarrassed, hurt, confused, and at the same time I want to be with her forever. I am supposed to give her time. She is taking this much better than I am. I have shed so many tears over this.

 

Any support is appreciated.

[winkie]

She is taking this much better then you are becuase she is in control. Did you ever ask why she married you if things were not right?? I think you should just concentrate on yourself and work and hopefully things will work out but if they dont everything happens for a reason and sometimes it takes a little while to find out what the reason is. Good Luck

[NewlywedinMD]

Yes I did ask her and she said she tought things would change but never said what she wanted changed. We are talking in theapy and it isn't anything that I can't change.

 

Can't see I will ever see the positive out of this. This is a person I made the ultimate committement to and right out of the box she wants to end it. Well not end it but is leaning that way.

[winkie]

You can not see the positive now because you are hurting no one can see the positive until after the tears have cleared. It bothers me that she thought things would get better after marriage I think the rumor is that it gets worse. Is she telling you everything??

[NewlywedinMD]

She is going through pesonal stuff too, dealing with her past. Turning 30, stress of work...Right now it seems like everything I ever did was bad or wrong.

[winkie]

If she is going through a stressful time I would think that your husband would be the first you turn to not away from. What does your therapist say??

[NewlywedinMD]

that is what I said and when I brought it up, the therapist said she can't turn to me because she is deciding wether to stay in hte marrige or not.

[fenstrt]

oie, I'm in a closely the same situation. you have all my support, and I feel for you. really, prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and support her if you love her. do what it takes. give her space, give her time. all you can really do is hope.

[Kovu]

I am so so sorry for you. Because I know the emptiness that you are feeling. I feel the same way that this is the person that I took vows and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. You should try to take this time to take some time for yourself. I know you feel embarrassed but you have to try to keep your head up. If you have some true friends that can just give you some support and see you through this you need to depend on them and spend time with them. But do not true so hard to make her come back, meaning since she says she needs sometime. Give her some space and time but do not let her forget that you love her and that you still want your marriage with her. Do little things to just impress her but not to push her away from you. (Flowers, cards, go to lunch together or dinner, but make your visits short unless she wants differently). I know that would be what I wanted.