Is she holding on?

[Jjasonn28]

Hi everyone.

 

I had an interesting evening last night. Well, an interesting conversation anyway..

 

I hadn't spoken to the former girlfriend in about 6 days. She had called twice during that time, and both times left similar messages. 'She misses me, wants to know how I am doing' etc.. She asked if I'd call her back, but for some strange reason, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted to, oh how badly I wanted to, but perhaps the barrage of NC advice is getting to me ;P

 

Anyhow, she called last night, and I decided to answer the phone. She was calling from her cell phone, on a bus on her way to the library. We did the small talk thing for a while, I told her that I am doing well, and am excited about the new job and my extra involvement in hockey. Of course Im still very sad, and things still dont feel right, but I didn't tell her this. The conversation ended pleasantly, and she said she would talk to me soon.

 

Well, about 15 minutes later, she logged onto MSN from the library. She sent a message telling me that she can feel that there is something bothering me, and she knows Im not telling her everything. So I caved. Yeah, I know, I probably shouldn't have, but whats done is done. I told her that I am doing as well as can be expected. That yes, I do miss her and even though things seem to be looking up, they still dont feel right. I also told her that I apologize for being distant, but that I am holding things in to protect myself.

 

Her response was that she is doing the same thing. Holding things back, but she doesn't think that we should. That we have special bond that we can't deny, and if its on our mind, we should talk about it. She also said that she would really like to take a day and spend it here with us.

 

So, in your opinion how does this sound to you? I dont believe her intentions are ill willed. I believe she is sincere in missing me, and understanding the connection that we have is more than just that of a failed relationship. How should I handle things from here on in? I really dont want to withdraw from her, but at the same time, if we aren't going to work on this for the purpose of making things work together, then am I just prolonging my pain? I am starting to feel better, little by little about the direction of my life... and I will continue to focus on it. But in all honesty, I cant really place a worth on any type of relationship that I could share with her....

 

Of everybody I know, she is the one I most want to be open with. I want her to visit, I want my life to continue to look up, I want to share it all with her.. but I dont want to hurt anymore either.

 

Im not sad. A little confused. A litle hopeful, a lot drained. I just wish I KNEW where everything was headed.

 

Thanks for listening to me ramble Always appreciated.

JP

[DN]

I advise against doing this. Unless an ex wants to get back together in a proper relationship the best route is no contact.

 

She needs to understand the consequences of breaking up an she can't do that if you act like a security blanket when she is feeling lonely. She already knows that you are sad and missing her - but you need her to understand that the best thing for you is to be able to heal from the break-up and you can't do that if you maintain contact.

 

Bottom line: if she wants to get back together let her say so and then you can work out the best way to do that. If she does not want to get back together then you need to go your separate ways.

[lonely days]

I've been following your threads since the beginning and i admire the fact that you have managed to get back on track in terms of your life. I know your hurting and that you don't want to lose this girl. I think in your case it's time to take some action and tell her exactly how you feel. If you don't get the response that you want to hear then it is time to move on and do your best not to speak with her until you are healed.

 

If the possibility of rejection outwieghs the importance of you two getting back together then I would tell her not to come visit. Handle it with dignity and try not to get upset infront of her if you do not like what you hear.

 

Sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind and find out if you are holding on to something for nothing. You don't want to live life with any regrets. Best wishes and Good Luck I'm sure you will make the right decision for you.

[heloladies21]

You do yourself a disservice by holding all of your emotions in. Of course NC is the best way to go, but only after you've said all you have to say and gotten rejected enough to the point where you believe that there's no future for the two of you.

 

Call her and let her know you want her back together in a relationship. Pour out your heart to her and don't hold anything back. This will not bring her back (nothing you do at this point will), but it's a step you have to take before you can start to heal. Keep doing what you're doing and you're just prolonging the pain.