How do I get over what she did to me?

[Sholder]

I've been apart from my ex for 2 months now. We had a very weird relationship (in college), where we were together by definition for only 1 month, but spent 6 months doing an on-and-off relationship. We spent the last 3 months in love, but she refused to be in a steady relationship with me because her friends would not talk to her any more if she started to date me again after breaking things off. The biggest problem was her best friend, who was also her ex-boyfriend from the previous year. He would threaten to cut ties with her if she spent time with me and barge into her room if we were ever together. The point is, I believed that she wanted to be together the whole time, she just couldn't let go of her emotionally abusive ex, no matter how hard I tried to get her to realize what he was doing to her.

 

During those last 3 months, we spent time hiding from her ex, avoiding him, simply trying to get away from him. I took this as a sign that she truly cared for me, and wanted to get back together (which is even what she told me - she talked of living with me someday soon). Then, suddenly, she confesses that she's been having sex with him whenever we were on bad terms for the past 4 months, whether we were in love or not. I had absolutely no idea this was happening (I'd asked before, she'd lied and told me nothing was going on - she got offended I didn't trust her). I was devastated. I still am. I feel that it was cheating, whether we were really together or not. In fact, she even told me that she considered 'us' together for the full 7 months. But then, she even jumped into a committed relationship with a guy she had just gotten to know within 3 days of telling me, which she is still in. I want to be on good terms with her, and I don't want to hate her...But I can't get through one day without feeling an enormous pain from what happened. I still can't get over her. I talk with her on a very rare basis, and when I do, I always end up saying something to cause her a load of guilt and frustration. This gets us nowhere, I realize. She has apologized many times, but it's still not enough. I guess what I want to know about this is how do I cope with everything?? This is still tearing me up every day. And I know she can say sorry forever, but it still won't make it better...Should I forgive her at some point or just forget her? I still care immensely, I can't help it. It just hurts so much to keep caring.

 

All this, and keeping in mind that she is living with one of my best friends next year, so I will be running into her on a regular basis.

[secret_agent_man]

Step back and look at the whole situation. You deserve better than that. Take what you've learned, remember the good times, and get out of that one. She obviously doesn't know what she wants, and you getting bent out of shape isn't going to help anyone. You really need to just remember the fun you had, smile, and move on to bigger and better things.

 

You are right to be upset, and she should feel guilty. These will only pass with time, but you need to just let it go.

 

Just one man's thoughts.

 

Good luck!

S.A.M.

[Heretic]

Hey Sholder,

 

Well I agree with SAM that you deserve better then the way she has treated you. The important thing to figure out is if she's honestly remorseful.

 

People do a lot of stupid things and quite frankly it's very easy to fall into the arms of an ex, even if they are the worst thing that ever happened to you. If you can find it in your heart to TRULY forgive her then things could work. If you find you can't trust her anymore then any effort to patch things up is moot.

 

Maybe it's just me but I think everyone deserves a second chance as people change, so I'd say give yourself some time away from her to figure things out.

 

Hope this helps.

[Sholder]

Thanks for your advice. I think, right now, I'm gonna talk with her and smooth things out, and then spend a good chunk of time away from her and figure out what's real and what I want. Thanks for the help!

[yeawutever]

DUMP HER DUDE, SHE'S FULL OF BS. GET AWAY FROM HER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, SO KNOWS IS SHE CONTACTED U WITH STD'S.

[DancingD]

sholder you need to realize that she is still in love with this man. You need to get out of there and find someone to occupy your time so that you dont think about this woman. You already dont trust her, so what do you wanna do go around wondering what she is doing? wondering if yall have an arugment that she is off with her eX again?. You dont need that, her heart is with this man, but her common sense is with you, she knows being with you makes more sense, but love is blind. Thats my opinion.

Remember ........ Pain is mandatory, suffering is optional!