Why I wondered " Should I call him"

[tynabluez09]

Thanks to everyone who posted to my "problem." Here's a futher elaboration as to why i started to question "whether i should call him" or not. My relationship ended with E about a year ago. Since him, theres been R and M... with R it wasnt too bad. Basically, he was the friend I started to have mini feelings for when i came to college and was still with E. I did some pretty drastic measures as to getting rid of my crush on R... I kinda axed him from my life... and, didnt tell him why. Resorting to my high school behavior seemed to make sense... well, it was the easiest thing to do. Boy did I feel stupid when E bounced. I apologised to R and the next semester we started hanging out. Then, we went to see the Ring as "friends," but it turned into a first date. After the afternoon movie ended I went to hang out at his apartment and blurted out that I liked him and then we held hands and each other for the rest of the day. Around 9, his friends came over, both girls, then I realised, oh crap, this is my male slut friend. He focused all his romantic attention on me, kissing me when they could easily see, but i became paranoid. Later that night, we almost did a lot of stuff... but didnt get around to it, his roommate unexpectedly came home and we apparently both decided to keep what ever we were doing on the downlow..... Pretty much, he didnt do anything wrong and always was the perfect gentlemen and kind and patient, but i couldnt stop feeling like one of his ho's. And i kept seeing him around campus with a different girl... so, i did what i do best; I ran... Ironically, a few months later, he hooked up with a girl (round early Feb '03.) and everyone thought it wasnt going to last, including me... there still together and are in love. When he asked, what happened to us, out of curiosity. I fessed up and told him i didnt wanna be one of the many and asked, if that was how he saw me... He just replied, "Well, I guess you'll never know."

 

Then, came M. Well, from first looks, M was going to be okay. He had a weird relationship with a younger girl who had him on a short leash prior to me.. but, i didnt let it bug me. After we hooked up, i learned this girl was much younger 20-16... ICK... but, it was like a internet/phone thing and for some reason, I held no bias. Other then that, the boy was completely unexperienced, no first kiss even, @ 20. And, since Im shy, that should have let me be on my way. Well, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and then... well, things got bad. First, there was the "Finals" incident. This was the first of his immature behavior surfacing. Basically, it was finals week and i had a final the day i was going to see Matrix 2 with him. And, to make an incrediblely long story short. I tried to pull an all-nighter, laid down at 7 am like a dumbarse and yeah, overslept and missed it. Thank god I had nice friends who tried to calm me down since i had a panic attack and an understanding teacher who let me retake the final later that day after my last final that day; because when i told M, he laughed... and, not only did he laugh, he teased me about it in line waiting for the Matrix and the rest of the day. It took everything in my power to keep from crying, i SERIOUSLY was upset. And he said, some day you'll look at this and laugh. But, i told him it wasnt funny and he just kept going... i should have said, shut the f*** up you, a***hole, but i didnt. And, his behavior got worse... I let him touch my boobs once and after that he would just randomly grab them... not in a kind manner, it friggin hurt. Also, he pressured me to have sex with him, and he didnt even try to like get me in the mood... he just asked for it... um, wtf? I know he was inexperience but, crap, who friggin asks only... not hugging, no kissing, no trying to unbutton my pants... just flat out asked. So, of course he never got any... and he also embarrased me in front of my friends openly discussing our relationship during a dinner over a friends house who i barely knew and also, infront of their mother and sister who I had just met. He was also rude to my friends... but the f***ing icing on the cake was the "cellphone" incident. Now this may sound like nothing, but, keep in mind that im still a semi-virgin and this was only my second official relationship.

 

One night, I had some serious "cramps" and i asked him to not touch my stomach or tickle me... being the idiot that he is, he ignored this. I was lying near him on his bed and it was nice, but, i was getting tired. So i was like not listening and falling asleep so he started messing with me to make me wake up, eventually, it worked. Then for some reason he grabbed my cellphone and i was like, stop playing give it back. He then took the phone, put it on his dick and was like, come and get it... now this freaked me out... I was like no, i dont want to, just hand it to me... and he wouldnt... well this went on for like 7 mins and then, it began to scare me... so i got off the bed and like moved to the other side of the room and kept asking for it.. but he still insisted on me coming to get the phone... But then, i was like, oh my god... i dont feel safe... i mean, this didnt seem like boyfriend behavior and the fact that he wasnt listening made me wonder if we ever got hot and heavy would he stop if i asked him too... eventually, after like 15-20 mins he gave up and gave it too me... i immediately left. Later when i confronted him... actually, it was much later... like a few weeks (im wimpy when it comes to me communicating, with words, whats wrong... takes me a while to get courage) he gave the worst defense in the world. He said, " well, sometimes when i say no, it means yes, so i thought you were just playing." this reply freaked me out for obvious and when i told my friend about it, she was like, i dont wanna scare you but, that sounds like the excuse rapists give... and, im not trying to say i think he is a rapist.. but hey... good enough for me to not trust him... the next time i saw him, i immediately broke up with him...

 

So now, I'm not feeling to great... its like, before E, i was all timid and untrusting and then, i became better. And after R, i felt a little self conscious and now, that i had that horrid relationship with M... its like, all the trust i was willing to give people is gone... And, since I fixed alot of things about myself and moved far from where I grew up, my moral support group of friends are all gone or have their own relationship woes to deal with. So, I did what came to mind... all of a sudden, E's phone number came to mind... he was a good friend who I never wanted to lose and seemed to understand me pretty well... I thought, perhaps if i call him, he could give me some advice... and now, that I changed my mind about calling him... I've never felt so alone... M crushed my spirit and stripped away something that wasnt fully gone... my innocence. Im still pretty much a virgin and E and R let me go at my own pase. So things felt so natural with them... but M, just rushed things. and now, i feel myself pulling away from the lil friends i have around here and being more reserved and untrusting... I feel like Im turing into that scared 16 yr old girl who i long casted aside. E was my lil cheerleader when i was getting rid of her... he didnt get rid of her... he gave me the confidence to do it on my own... and i guess... i need help and Im willing to admit it, but, no one around here can, all my friends are so full of sarcasm and after M, thats the last thing i need... even my best bud of almost a decade is too sarcastic... I guess I need help and he seemed to be my only alternative.. so i went for it... after all the posts I got, i called him and got nothing.. the same, i will call you later he gave me when he left me and now, i feel even more abandoned... and lost...

 

Thanks for listening.

[babycristy456]

if you really need him to talk to, then explain to him that you need help fast and that he's your best friend and you need him there for you now. Maybe he doesn't take too much care of your phone call because he isn't aware that your sad and down. If he doesnt listen after that, then he is not your best friend, he is just another guy.

Good luck

[BazookaMike]

tynabluez09, this is all I'm going to say. Start associating yourself with better people. I don't think you're any better then those ass-hats that you talked about. Don't even bother getting close to people like that, they only bring you down. Find some friends that will pick you up. Quality people will rub off on you.

 

I hate to see nice ladies influenced by awfull friends and you do seem very nice.